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Feel quite cross about this, welcome other views

Discussion in 'Personal' started by thelovelyliz, Jan 17, 2011.

  1. I have four friends from university and we are spread out across the UK. We try to arrange to meet up reasonably regularly but this went from every main holiday (Christmas Easter and summer) to twice yearly and now just once a year.
    We didn't go last year because one of the women had a baby in December 2009 so it was too early but now discussions are about meeting at Easter and originally the plan was to go up to Edinburgh for a weekend. I said I couldn't do this as I don't want to leave the children, also I'm still breastfeeding my youngest mornings and evenings. I suggested they stayed at mine for a weekend and they were OK with this but now plans have changed and they want to go for a weekend of nights out in Birmingham.
    I feel annoyed that plans have changed, and that the fact I can't go clearly doesn't bother them. Do you think I am being reasonable?
  2. lindenlea

    lindenlea Star commenter

    I feel aggrieved for you but they really fancy a bit of a wild weekend. I would be really upset but perhaps they think you're being a bit picky - you did put the mockers on one idea and only offered a weekend at yours as an option. Maybe someone's a bit cross with you. If you really can't go you'll have to be brave and put up with it. Could you plan another weekend away in the autumn when it might be easier for you and you can really join in.
    I'd have a good cry and then try to put it behind me - mind you there's nothing as good as a good grudge!!
  3. It always happens like that. You can't imagine a time when you won't always be available for each other and then other stuff gets in the way. By the time you all have kids it'll be a wonder if you even manage a Christmas Card. I've got my bestest friends from since we were students 35 ago living half an hour's drive away and we manage to meet up about once every three years.
    Can you really not make the Birmingham trip? You can hardly expect them to forego a wild weekend just because you'll miss a couple of breastfeeds.
  4. Basically what she said. :)

    You're breastfeeding, they want to get wasted. Definitely put it behind you. Things will be different next year.
  5. Lindenlea, that is.
  6. catmother

    catmother Star commenter

    Second this too,unfortunatly.
  7. bizent

    bizent Star commenter

    Do you think that might have been a joke?
  8. Si N. Tiffick

    Si N. Tiffick Occasional commenter

    I don't really understand the OP's problem. She has between now and Easter (3 months!!!) to express a couple of bottles' worth of breast milk and freeze it for one weekend away. He child will no doubt be spoiled rotten in her absence and they will all benefit from the break. Friendships, especially old ones, are invaluable and need to be nurtured, in the same way your children do. Seeing them once a year, you'd think you could make alternative arrangements just his once.
  9. lurk_much

    lurk_much Occasional commenter

    good point,
    sorry OP if you aren't planning on changing your mates.

    ROSIEGIRL Lead commenter

    It's the way of the world.I have a group of friends I meet up with once a year - a night away, a nice meal and a good catch up. Sometimes there's 5 of us, sometimes 8 or 9 or 10. Anyone who can't make it (for whatever reason) just slots back in the next time. No problem - we all have family or work issues that dominate at times. That's life as a grown up really.
    Maybe your friends wanted their break to be child-free and that's why they decided not to take you up on your offer. Quite understandable really.
    So now you can either arrange to go with them or resign yourself to missing out on the gathering this time and look forward to the next one. Both options are fine - just personal choice about how you feel about leaving your little one.
    Or you could take offence and cut yourself off ... but that would be a shame I think.
  11. Your life's moved on - theirs hasn't to the large part. You sound on a downer on some of them that they don't have kids, and seem to think the one with the baby should automatically come onto your side... the fact she hasn't tends to make me wonder if there's possibly something more to the story than what's been written here.
    And being brutally honest, if it was a choice between a weekend away with my girlfriends or going to stay at someone with a still small baby's house... I don't think I'd be wanting to stay at the house to be honest - you can't relax in the same way, you can't enjoy yourselves in the same way, you can't make a noise if the baby's sleeping or anything. I don't like staying over in other people's houses anyway - give me a choice between that and a hotel where you have more of an option to flump down on the bed and unwind - I'd chose the hotel or what-not any time.
    You're expecting they'll redo everything to focus on you. That's more than a bit unreasonable. Up to you if you work WITH them to find a mutually acceptable solution, or cut your loss on missing this get together and wait for the next one, or if you want to go ahead and trade them in for new shiner more ameanable to what you want them to do friends.
  12. Thank you, I appreciate your reply and all others. However my daughter is no longer a young baby and is two years old, consequently she is breastfed for comfort, I have never really been able to express milk and she wouldn't like formula anyway.
    I don't really mind them changing the plans but agreeing to one set then deciding something else without consulting me, just telling me, seemed a bit out of order but I'm probably being too sensitive about it.
  13. Glass of warm cows' milk? Her dad?
  14. inky

    inky Lead commenter

    I think you are being a bit too sensitive. Your firneds might be wondering sadly if they're ever going to have fun with you again. They might even be thinking that a weekend away from responsibilities would do you good.
  15. inky

    inky Lead commenter


  16. inky

    inky Lead commenter

    At two-years-old she doesn't need expressed milk. In your last sentence you're contradicting yourself.
  17. No, I'm not, I was replying to somebody who suggested I expressed breastmilk for her and I was explaining that I have never really been able to express milk and in any case she is two so it isn't like a tiny baby needing several feeds. She has a breastfeed in the morning and in the evening (usually) and more if she wants it, sometimes she does, other times she isn't too bothered.
  18. So have you decided if you're going to go or not?
  19. But if she is two and is only breastfeeding for comfort, couldn't you start weening her off?
    You have until Easter to do so and you wouldn't even need that long.
    Are you never ever going to go out again because your daughter wants your breast?
    If you want to continue with the comfort breastfeeding then you need to be aware that there are things such as weekends away with friends you are going to miss out on until she is weened off.

  20. WEAN. Sorry. [​IMG]

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