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Feel like screaming and/or crying......advice needed

Discussion in 'New teachers' started by pianomeng, Mar 9, 2011.

  1. Hi
    I'm doing my NQT on a temporary 1 yr contract. Found the job tough from the start, my HOD is my mentor in a 2 person dept, she's been off sick on and off since November meaning I've been running the dept for long periods. I've not had a single 'mentor meeting', and I've just been ticking the standards myself as I go along.
    I've forged good relationships with my classes....but recently feel so stressed and depressed that I'm angry all the time with the pupils, feel bitter to the school for lack of support, and starting to hate my job.
    I can't bring myself to think about 'core' standards and am pulling off pretty poor lessons at the moment. Most days I feel like bursting into tears at some point due to the stress.
    I'm supposed to be looking for jobs in September, but really questioning whether I want to teach....have I just wasted 2 years of my life?
    The last few weeks, every day I feel like either screaming in front of a class, or crying in front them (I'm holding myself together at the moment and doing neither!). I feel on edge all the time.
    Please fellow friends, any advice....I'm not coping....any tips or words of wisdom before I just walk out and quit before I finish induction. I'm grateful for having a job, I know many aren't that lucky, but I feel like l'm losing myself......
    BTW - I'm a secondary music teacher with lots of challenging classes

    Piano
     
  2. Nothing particularly useful to say except that you're not alone. Had a good cry in the loo at lunchtime today. Apparently it gets better. =) Chin up - we can do it.
     
  3. Sorry, I can't help you, except to let you know that you are not alone :(
    I am on a maternity cover, and was told the day before half term that the person was coming back (after all the technicians had been told, and that she had been negotiating a new package for three weeks).
    Have an impossible number of classes, with over 600 pupils to teach in science; and although I have no job to go to after this term, I will be glad to be out of the school - and am thinking majorly along the lines of not carrying onteaching, despite the investment of two years, and an irrevocable breakdown in rlations with my parents.
     
  4. It genuinely means a lot to know I'm not alone....really appreciate the replies...thank you friends x
     
  5. I know what you mean, although you don't want anybody to go through what we seem to be, knowing that it not is just yourself, and that others are in a similar position does help lighten the load slightly
     
  6. Sillow

    Sillow Senior commenter

    My NQT year was pretty horrible. But it does get better! If there's any shred of hope left in you about how next year might go, stay in the profession and give it a go.
     
  7. It's not you, it's the situation. If things were going OK before you had this completely inappropriate responsibility heaped upon you, you know you can teach. You're just, hardly surpringly, not ready to be a HOD yet!
    Stick it out and wear the extra responsibility you have shouldered as a badge of pride. Stick it on your CV. Better luck in your next job!
     
  8. Hi
    Thanks for all the advice. Will follow the suggestions from megerton, and let you know what comes of it. Appreciate all the support from all the posts.

     
  9. I just wanted to echo the others who have said you are not alone.
    I'm a primary NQT and managed to keep my head above water before christmas. After christmas, tonsilitus (I didn't take any sick leave), appalling behaviour of pupils and a general feeling of being hugely unsupported in school meant that I spent the first four or five weeks of spring term permanently in tears or raging at pupils.
    I finally had the chance, at my instigation, of having a very frank discussion with my HT. I told him that I felt I wasn't being supported, and in fact that some people were even putting obstacles in my way to set me up to fail. I told him I'd been to the doctors with a range of symptoms and my doctor wanted to sign me off sick through stress, which is true. I also said that I want to succeed, but that as an NQT I need some support to do so.
    He was very cold and seemed to be very uncaring. He sat and watched me sob my heart out uncontrollably and didn't even offer me a tissue.
    I phoned the LA NQT person and spent a couple of hours sobbing uncontrollably on the phone to her too.
    I'm not sure what happened, but things have definitely improved. There have been subtle changes in lots of areas, praise for the things I do well and helpful, constructive advice when I ask for it.
    I suggest you try and have an open and honest conversation with someone - deputy, head, pastoral head, anyone on the senior management team who you think is approachable. I also recommend you approach the LA NQT person too. Mine just seemed to sit and listen, but I'm sure she's had a hand in the improvements.
    All of a sudden, it's looking like I can do this, and I'm sure you can too!

     
  10. Know how you feel. You are NOT alone, I am just one of the many who feels exactly the same. Stick with it- the kids are worth it! x
     

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