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FEEL LIKE QUITTING

Discussion in 'Senior Leadership Team' started by coco44, Jul 4, 2009.

  1. coco44

    coco44 New commenter

    Hi guys

    Again, am overwhelmed with all the valuable advice you have all given, and sideshow the last paragraph really gave me a boost so thanks. I have definetely got allies, I was chatting to one of them today who is outraged that the head appears to be giving me NO support, and he also said that the AHT is setting me up to fail and is trying very hard to get my job. No surprises there, I had already sussed that one. He actually suggested that I get tougher but I just fear that if I give anyone an excuse to go and moan about me they will, and I dont want to antagonise the head any further. I would love to set up one to one meetings with the staff but I just dont think I would be allowed, I dont think the head would like it. However, I really like those questions about what the head will do to support ME - And I really do want to ask those questions. Have I got the balls? mmmm I am sure I will find them from somewhere!
    I have tried very hard not to sound like a know it all, and try to limit references to what I have done previously as I kno that can be annoying, when I do mention it I think its just means of conversation - reflecting back on experiences I have had....although maybe the phrase...When I was at my old school antagonises people....not sure....
    If people were asked what I do all day prob Teach would come high on the list because I teach 3.5 days but its accross the school, not in one class. Its absolutely right that my expertise is in T and L and would love to be able to make an impact in this area, but I havent got a clue where to start because every little thing I try appears to tread on someone's toes. And Toes appear to be everywhere! AGGGGGGHHHH God just thinking about it makes me SOOO frustrated. I just want to do my job and everytime I try and do anything it gets someones back up. But might I add that, that doesnt stop the AHT doing my work as well as their own, because they think they can do it better than me. and because they want to look good. and want me to look bad. This conversation I had with my colleague has renewed my suspicions that my unhappiness is somehow rooted in the AHT's behaviour, and I kno she is leading gossip in corners about me. I did tell my head about problems, but he said that she is not the one complaining. Of course she wouldnt be, she has her foot soldiers to do it for her. The head wants us to work on loads of things together, but its impossible, the only way we will ever work is seperately, because of the way she is with me. She is snappy, rude, condescending, then every now anfd then is nice to me, so I talk to her, but she is only getting ammo. So far this week she has snapped at me for discussing ema with the ema teacher because she is her line manager. So what? I was just having a chat with her over lunch, she started the conversation, asking me about multi-cultural texts and seeing as I have just come from a school with 95% EAL she was asking my opinion. The AHT made me feel as if I had properly tread on her toes. Then later that day she was complaining in a meeting (that was yet to start) that all her courses had been cancelled so I handed her my NCSL Brochure, at which she snapped and said she already had it. I then sat and started to browse through it when she said I dont need you looking at courses for me I will do it myself. I just looked at her startled and just said I was just passing the time, but she just looked so p-------- off at me, and I was just thinking What?! What have I done?! I am sat looking at a brochure! I am not saying anything, or doing anything. How can I possibly have irritated you? I am CPD Leader, excuse me for directing u to a source of cpd!
    Do I sound incredibly bitter? Maybe I have been pushed too far and now I just feel angry rather than upset. I am angry, in fact I am furious. I worked SO hard to get this job, and since I have got there I have had no support, no praise, just hassle and criticism. I

     
  2. coco44

    coco44 New commenter

    That posted before I had finished! I tried so hard to do well at this school. I just need the head to once and for all, trust me and believe in me, and put an end to all this sniping, and catty behaviour!

    Thanks to everyone who has responded so far, ur words mean the world to me.

    Coco x
     
  3. Hi Coco
    How are things going? Hope you had a better couple of days.
     
  4. Coco - Do you understand anything about Narcisistic Personality Disorder, or about workplace bullying?
    You need to read these three threads:-

    <h3>Once
    upon a time there was this brilliant teacher who seems to have lost the
    plot. - The rumours that he wasn't coping must be true.
    </h3><h3>A story about Billy, Sam, Sally, Harry & Tim</h3><h3>Is your boss a psychopath or a narcissist</h3>and just for good measure
    <h3>Are all HT's aware of their 'special responsibility'</h3>Your HT is toying with you to boost his own ego. He will almost certainly be telling you lies and till now it seems you have been believing him. Great care is required about how this is dealt with so for now, do the reading so that you can regain some self confidence.
    If you challenge him, he will deny intent and will project his shortcomings onto you. I'll leave it for that just now to give you some time to digest things.
     
  5. coco44

    coco44 New commenter

    hey, the last post has really scared me. I read the first article - its rings true but how am I going to tackle this?
    the post I wrote yesterday, pretty much sums up how I feel today...very very angry. I spent all morning at the hospital today, as the stress is starting to impact on my physiological health.
    The head wants to see me again tomo, for me to respond further whatever that means. its rubbish. my responses are:

    I am being bullied cant you see this??????????? Why are you so easily manipulated????????? please please help me! You have a duty to ME too - I am a member of staff, why are u being like this to me. what have I done???????????????????

    mmmm wonder how well that would go down...
     
  6. anon2799

    anon2799 New commenter

    Seek advice from your union immediately. I can not stress this enough.
     
  7. I'm guessing that the AHT will have a narcissistic nature as described in the 'Is your boss a psychopath or a narcissist thread' and the HT has been groomed by her. Like minded people operating two management levels apart (different gender?) makes for a very effective bullying machine.
    When people do not understand what is happenning, their confidence levels drop and they fall prey to the bullying machine. Some totally comply and exhibit stockholm syndrome whereby the become sychophants to the bulliy, some simply comply and keep their heads down and by ignoring what is going on around themside withe the bully. People who either do not comply or who challenge are discredited and if they fight will be victimised.
    The first thing is to get a handle on things and to learn all you can about how bullying operates in schools. Its important that until you understand the game that you don't show your cards.
    People assume that the union will deal with this sort of thing - I realy wish i could agree but i can't. That said, you must bring them onboard to suport you at any meetings.
    If getting out is an option, my advice is to go for it, if its not, then you must learn all you can o that you have a chance of winning.
    Do a search on here for workplace bullying -- is is well covered.
     
  8. coco44

    coco44 New commenter

    ok so things no better, got diagnosed with depression today....got told off again......cant wait for half term...
     
  9. Get your union in. Tell the head that you want a proper plan in place. You union will really help. They are so calm about everything. You might have to end up taking greivences, so make sure that you are kee[ing your nose clean and a diary of events.
     
  10. Weezy18

    Weezy18 New commenter

    Have you been in touch with your union? I am logging everything that happens to me in school. I know it is hard going in everyday, I have lost count of the times I have sat and cried over things I have had done/said to me. I just tell myself I can get through it and I will get a job in another school soon. I am not going to let one person ruin everything I have worked really hard for (they have already managed to contribute to 11 staff - teachers/TAs/dinner ladies/office staff leaving in the two years they have been working at my school). This person would probably get on well with your head! You are not alone. Please let us know how you are getting on.
    x
     
  11. I totally sympathsis as I am in a similar situation. I am being continually critisised for my poor leadership and management, although I am only paid TLR2a and didn't realise when I took the job that I was expected to manage 6 teaching assistants.
    I get very little advice or support despite having been in tears asking for help. The advice I do recieve is so woolly and totally misses the problem. I'm just hanging in there cos I can't quit, although I nearly did at Easter. I have decided that if it gets bad again, I'll go off sick as it is affecting me physically, then they may do something, to make my role achievable. In the meantime I just remember that the children appreciate me, the teaching assistant usually do, and its the head who takes too much notice of occasional gripes about me. The one teaching assistant who started it has now left.
    It does help to tell someone.
    Don't give up!
     
  12. coco44

    coco44 New commenter

    Hey everyone

    I contacted my union today. They said my case was quite unique in that I am trying to do my job but keep being blocked at every turn and that, really its not the school for me. I guess they are right...cant help but feel I have failed tho...
     
  13. Hi Coco
    I've been reading this thread for a while and totally sympathise with you. It is so sad that someone who obviously has a passion about their job and the drive to want to make a career out of it has been treated in such a horrible manner.
    My old school has a new head and it's outragous to hear of what's going on there. For example, they are having their marking and planning 'marked' every week by SMT and reported back to the head for something else to whip them with.
    My point is that where do these heads get off treating people in such a way?
    But for every school that has these lions led by donkeys there are countless other schools which have happy and supportive working environments.
    If I was you, I'd be looking for a way out. It's not a failure on your part at all. The head obviously has some agenda that you weren't aware of when you got the job so it's NOT YOUR FAULT.
    Your head has not carried out their 'duty of care' that is also NOT YOUR FAULT!!!

    Sorry to shout but as people in this forum have said you have not failed the school....the school has failed you.
    Enjoy what's left of half term and keep your head held high
    Tracy

     
  14. anon2799

    anon2799 New commenter

    What a cop out. Ask to speak to someone higher in your union. They should offer you much more support than this.
     
  15. Keighleigh

    Keighleigh New commenter

    Really sad to read this Coco, I replied very early on to you and thought things were better. Being a DHT now, I realise how hard it is. Not something to rush into in my view, many relationships to juggle. I have to say that your Head doesn't sound very supportive at all. Are you learning anything from him? Instant message if you like, but really, you need to be planning your next move!!! I would. It's hard enough being DHT without the additional hassle of a useless Head. Plan for your future...good luck!
    [​IMG]
     
  16. Stories like this are much more comon than people realise -- its just that most don't find their way onto these forums.

    Everyone should be reading the workplace bullying threads so that at least they have a chance of recognising the most damaging people and in doing so doing what they can to counter their bullying behavoious.
    We all have a duty of care for each other.
     
  17. Stories like this are much more comon than people realise -- its just that most don't find their way onto these forums.

    Everyone should be reading the workplace bullying threads so that at least they have a chance of recognising the most damaging people and in doing so doing what they can to counter their bullying behavoious.
    We all have a duty of care for each other.

     
  18. coco44

    coco44 New commenter

    Hi everyone

    I am quitting. I know u all told me to hang in there but I told my head today. And I feel like a weight has been lifted. Just got to look for a new job now! I am going to look for another deputy post tho. I will keep u all updated

    Coco xx
     

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