Dear Colleagues, Some advice would be gratefully received because I really dont know what to do next. I feel like giving up. Nothing I do is right and although I am trying to be positive I just can't see how to fix something that I dont know is wrong. I am a very young deputy, very new in my job, and at the school. I have been given reduced responsibilties for this term as the head wants me to build relationships with people. Apparently I havent done this very well, which I am pretty shocked by because I thought I was doing ok, I havent found every day easy as everything has been new, and I have felt lonely but I actually thought things were going ok this week. I must be stupid tho cause apparently they are not and feedback is people dont see me as the deputy. I honestly have no idea how people would see me as the deputy yet. I have been there less than a term, and the usual deputy responsibilities have been given to others in SMT this term, so what could I have done that would have made me to be viewed this way? I thrive on building natural good relationships and I feel very uncomfortable having been give a "deadline" to make friends. People apparently have said they never see me, but my head told me to spend my time in the staffroom and thats what I have been doing at breaks and lunches. I have been accused of not being present in assemblies but I am always there unless on a course or on the phone to a parent. I have been told to go round in the morning and chat to staff, but I dont want to get in the way when they are busily preparing for the day ahead. Where I can make an impact, I have done, such as deep cleaning up the kitchen and keeping it nice for staff, and organising events for next term.Or helping teachers when they come to me with ideas, concerns or behaviour issues. I thought all these meetings went well. More feedback is that I am too sharp and direct and have been told to do things "lighter, softer and smilier". I honestly honestly HAVENT been like this. I know what the issue is, my leadership style is exactly what I have been exposed to in 2 other schools I have worked in. Its not authorative, just more decsisve and my new staff are used to being consulted on everything, being involved in most decision, not doing anything they dont want to etc, so if I dont approach everything in this way then apparently I am being sharp and direct. I am trying to unlearn behaviour whilst learning new behaviour, and the ironic thing is that my approach was previously seen as a strength, so I feel my confidence has been pretty knocked by this. As far as I can tell SMT has always been promoted from exisiting staff, not from outside so it would be unfair of my head to compare the speed of my integration into such a close knit staff with other previous SMT members. With no frame of reference how can the head possibly comment that by the end of term 1 all staff should see me as their deputy? I know as a class teacher it certainly took me more than a term to accept my new deputy, and thats cause he never spoke to me. I have tried to speak to EVERYONE. I am so frustrated but my head is frustrated and disappointed with me! I have never done this job before for gods sake! I dont like the fact that my head appears to be allowing people to come and complain. well thats what it sounds like anyway. I feel that if I had been given more to do from the beginning I could have thrown myself into the job and built natural relationships along the way...thats how I work best and how I thrive. Instead I find myself bumbling along trying to make forced conversation in the hope that someone will go and say something nice about me. and I am really nice and really supportive I promise! I have been told to go and behave in a way that will force 6 members of staff by the end of term to go and say something nice about me to the head. What kind of a target is that? I just want jobs to do, and prove my worth that way. The head's way of measuring my performance by what people about the relationships I have built is unacceptable to me.I feel like I am being spied on. The head told me to go and use my "beautiful smile" to win people over and now I feel like I have to go around looking like a clown. I have pointed out that the AHT is also very direct but the head said that she can get away with it. I just dont understand. There were other points in the conversation I thought were fair enough and I told the head that. I also reacted positively (albeit a few tears) to the feedback and stated that the job was very important to me and that I could be an excellent deputy and that I was sorry if I let them down but I would try harder and learn from this. However I am seriously distraught about it and very depressed. I should also add that this meeting was a bolt from the blue, I wasnt prepared for the topic of discussion it caught me completely unawares...on Friday after school...with my head knowing my partner was away so I was alone at home...knowing I would dwell over it allll weekend.... I thought that was a bit unfair. Anyway would appreciate any advice as I feel very close to throwing the towel in... Thanks.