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FAO Lego

Discussion in 'Personal' started by dozymare1957, May 7, 2012.

  1. dozymare1957

    dozymare1957 Occasional commenter

    Sorry I can't remember your full name so I hope you get this.
    You were obviously asking for help and advice when you posted about your daughter. I presume you've pulled your post because you didn't get this.
    You've done the best you can with your daughter. Teenage girls are a nightmare but they do grow out of it. You can't stop teenagers having sex - we all know that. I knew what my daughter was up to but I chose not to let her have boys in her bedroom. That was my decision. She hated me for it. She spent as much time out of the house as possible and for three years hardly even slept here. Sometimes I had no idea where she was. It was horrible. You've chosen to handle your daughter in a different way. You know where she is and that she's safe. On reflection, I wonder if I should have done the same. Mine was a little older than your daughter when the problems started. She also dabbled in drugs and this has affected her mental health now.
    I really hope it works out for both of you. You probably have a much better relationship with her that I had with my daughter.
    Good luck and keep up the good work. You are not a bad mother and don't let anyone tell you that you are.



     
  2. dozymare1957

    dozymare1957 Occasional commenter

    Sorry I can't remember your full name so I hope you get this.
    You were obviously asking for help and advice when you posted about your daughter. I presume you've pulled your post because you didn't get this.
    You've done the best you can with your daughter. Teenage girls are a nightmare but they do grow out of it. You can't stop teenagers having sex - we all know that. I knew what my daughter was up to but I chose not to let her have boys in her bedroom. That was my decision. She hated me for it. She spent as much time out of the house as possible and for three years hardly even slept here. Sometimes I had no idea where she was. It was horrible. You've chosen to handle your daughter in a different way. You know where she is and that she's safe. On reflection, I wonder if I should have done the same. Mine was a little older than your daughter when the problems started. She also dabbled in drugs and this has affected her mental health now.
    I really hope it works out for both of you. You probably have a much better relationship with her that I had with my daughter.
    Good luck and keep up the good work. You are not a bad mother and don't let anyone tell you that you are.



     
  3. I too found it hard when my daughter had problems. They were not the same as your problems Lego but they were very distressing. I phoned parentline on 2 or 3 occasions and they will make an appointment for a CAMHS person to call you back if they think the situation needs specialist help- that was so helpful. I also found a parenting course for parents of teenagers ( I felt so stupid and like an awful Mum) but met parents going through similar experiences. Relief.
    Maybe you could try to find some professional help - see a counsellor to talk things through so that you have strategies for the future.
    Good luck!
     
  4. I meant to add all chats with parentline and their CAMHS person is confidential. They also arrange times to speak when no one else will be around. A really good service
     
  5. ROSIEGIRL

    ROSIEGIRL Senior commenter

    Stuck between a rock and a hard place Lego. Some outside, impartial, non-judgemental support sounds like a good idea.
    Good luck.
     
  6. I don't know if Lego pulled it or someone else but being told that you have 'failed as a mother' (can't remember who posted that) would make me want to pull a thread.
     
  7. kittylion

    kittylion Established commenter

    Can anyone have a thread pulled? I assumed it had to be the person who started it.
     
  8. dozymare1957

    dozymare1957 Occasional commenter

    Yeh. Sad thing is, I doubt if she'll come back on here and see that not everyone thinks she's "failed as a mother" I think yours was the last post Disguise but I don't suppose she read that far. I hope she lets us know that she's OK as I'm quite worried about the affect all those comments will have had on her.

     
  9. I agreed with what most people said but not how they said it. As your OP said, she wanted advice and despite not being a parent myself I TRIED to give it to her. It's a shame people can be so judgemental and harsh on TES - do we not ALL make mistakes? No one is perfect. I hope she sees this thread too, dozymare.
     
  10. I agreed with the the consensus re the legality and the fact that the daughter was only 13 and if school were aware they have a duty of care to follow CP procedures. However I too have had to deal with two very difficult teenage girls and they are full of surprises. There is no rule book and each will respond in a different way so you really do have to go with your instincts and re negotiate the boundaries all the time. I have just agreed to allow my 18yr old's boyfriend stay the night on a fairly regular basis. I'm not that comfortable, but I have to accept she is an 'adult' and has entered the adult world.
     
  11. dozymare1957

    dozymare1957 Occasional commenter

    I wouldn't let my son and his fiancee sleep together in my house and they were living together! My daughter lives with her fiance and they have a baby. I wouldn't let them sleep together in my house either! I can't really explain this. I think it's the strict upbringing that I had has rubbed off on me. I often wonder if I'll relax by the time my youngest wants to have girls sleep over.

     
  12. joli2

    joli2 New commenter

    I didn't see the original thread, but just wanted to add some support. Some kids are a nightmare to bring up and it's not because of something you've done/not done. They just are. I went through years when my mantra was 'I don't know what to do'. Nobody does really in these more extreme cases, but it doesn't mean you're a bad parent. Those parents (or non-parents) who profess that their kids would never.... are blind, or just damn lucky.
     
  13. dozymare1957

    dozymare1957 Occasional commenter

    I have some very lucky friends whose kids are perfect![​IMG]
    They often make me feel worthless
     
  14. One thing I was told going through dreadful times with my daughter was, "You don't have to be a perfect parent - no one is, you just have to be good enough."
    I too have many friends with perfect kids with perfect jobs etc.... but life is never dull with mine around. [​IMG]
     
  15. dozymare1957

    dozymare1957 Occasional commenter

    One of my friend's has a "perfect daughter" who sells drugs! She's always telling me how wonderful she is and was so sympathetic when my daughter who was 20 at the time got pregnant!
     
  16. kittylion

    kittylion Established commenter

    Doesn't she know her daughter sells drugs?
     
  17. dozymare1957

    dozymare1957 Occasional commenter

    Nope. She's perfect!
     
  18. BelleDuJour

    BelleDuJour Star commenter

    My daughter didn't get her first boyfriend until she was 19. At the time she was living away from home at uni, so when they came to stay I let them share a room. I have a great relationship with both my children, and my daughter will confide in me about anything, including relationship or sex issues. I am lucky we have such a close relationship and she feels confident to speak to me like this. TBH as they were sleeping together at uni there seemed little point adopting the moral high ground when they visited me.
    BF bit the dust eventually (he was ok, but not right for her) but she now has a truly lovely BF who again, has stayed with us and in her room. She's about to turn 21.
    My son had his first girlfriend when he was 21. He's now almost 23 and they're still very much together. I also let them share a room when they visit.
    I didn't see lego's thread but am horrified if anyone on here declared her an unfit mother. What is happening to this place? Personal used to be nice and supportive and even fluffy at times. But recently it has become almost as spikey as opinion.
    Chin up lego!
     
  19. kittylion

    kittylion Established commenter

    Beats me why someone doesn't tell her.
     
  20. dozymare1957

    dozymare1957 Occasional commenter

    She wouldn't believe anyone and she's rather scary.
     

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