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Fancy a Laugh at Christmas?

Discussion in 'Mathematics' started by valed, Dec 21, 2010.

  1. Ted was on the 18th green just about to take a difficult putt to win the local club championship.
    Just then, a hearse approached on the road that passed the course next to the 18th green.
    Ted stepped away from the ball, removed his cap and lowered his head as the hearse passed and whispered a few words as if in prayer.
    Jack, his opponent, was so touched by Ted's sensitive and heart-warming jesture that he felt moved to say so and Ted blushed slightly before saying ...
    "Least I could do really - we were married for 35 years after all!"
    Yes - I know [​IMG]
    I'm here all week folks
  2. Errrrr.....
    Comes to something when peopole think it HAS to be a maths joke!
    Good grief! [​IMG]
  3. A woman rushes into the Doctor's surgery looking very worried and stressed.
    She rattles off "Doctor, take a look at me. When I woke up this morning, I looked at myself in the mirror and saw my hair all frazzled up, my skin was all wrinkled and pasty, my eyes were bllodshot and bulging and I had this corpse-like pallor. What's wrong with me, Doctor?"
    The doctor looks her over for a few moments then calmly says "Well, I can tell you there is nothing wrong with your eyesight!"
  4. A man buys a new car, of Japanese origin

    After a week it starts to go wrong

    Back to the dealers

    fixed and returned [​IMG]
    After another week it goes wrong again

    And then it goes wrong again

    Sorry says the dealer ... it needs a cog, a special cog, we have used our supply on your car already

    We will try to order one wait a week

    The man gets a phone call

    There are no cogs at county dealer wait a week

    Another phone call

    we have tried the national dealership and they have no cogs

    Man waits a week

    Another phone call

    Sorry but we have called all the main European dealerships and no cogs

    We have ordered from the Head Office and they are sending over a plane load so that we can furnish the whole of the British dealership

    A week later the man gets a call

    The plane was just coming over the airport and there was an emergency

    They had a problem with the cargo hold, we are really sorry but they had to jettison the parts mid air

    The news headline that evening

    Aircraft disaster ...

    It looks like it is

    Raining Datsun Cogs

    coat, me, getting [​IMG]
  5. bombaysapphire

    bombaysapphire Star commenter

    Lol! Apologies for lowering the tone by posting a Maths joke. It was just one I'd heard recently. To make up for it:
    Why is a tractor magic?

    It can drive down the road and turn into a field.
  6. physics joke then?
    bet you've all heard it anyway:
    quantum physicist stopped by traffic cop on the motorway:
    'do you know how fast you were travelling at, sir?'
    'no - but then, i know exactly where i am'

  7. OMG! [​IMG]
    Maths jokes! [​IMG]
    You need to get out more [​IMG]
  8. mine wasn't [​IMG]
  9. i've never denied that
  10. ... and he was right, within a whisker
    Reminds me of the enterprising child who determined that spiders' ears were part of their legs ... pulled the legs off, shouted "jump" at the spider ... but it couldn't hear
  11. I'll try again .....
    A lonely frog, desparate for any form of company telephoned the Psychic Hotline to discover his future.
    His Personal Psychic Advisor said "You will meet a beautiful blonde young lady who will want to know all about you!"
    The frog replied "Great! Where will I meet her ? At a party?"
    "No", the advisor replied, "in a Biology class" [​IMG]
  12. Well, I have to say....
    .... that was a pretty poor effort by the Maths threaders..... [​IMG]
    Walks away, hangs head in shame, stifling a tear or two.... [​IMG]

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