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Family vs job

Discussion in 'Personal' started by Bonnie23, Aug 1, 2017.

  1. Bonnie23

    Bonnie23 Occasional commenter


    Today I had a shock of reality when I signed a tenancy agreement to place nearby the school I work in, had a huge panic attack and realised why I don't want to move - it's too late to get out of the tenancy but it's brought up a question.

    I love teaching, absolutely love it, but to teach currently I have to live four hours away from my family, who I love and although we want to fight time aren't getting any younger - they're not by any means old but I don't want to look back in 30 years and think 'Is that all?'.

    Impartially what would you do - sacrifice time with family or sacrifice the job?

    I don't have many people that I value in my life so those that I hold close to me mean the most.

    B x
  2. Geoff Thomas

    Geoff Thomas Star commenter

    Of course your family are far more important than any job could be.

    But i don't fully understand - is it a new job or have you been commuting?
  3. Bonnie23

    Bonnie23 Occasional commenter

    I've been at the school for about a year and I've lived nearby. Due to a noisy neighbour I looked for another house but it has brought up all of the feelings that I had last year - about wanting to be close to family.

    The issue is I live on my own, it's expensive and if I left teaching I don't actually know what I would do.
  4. Mangleworzle

    Mangleworzle Star commenter

    Crazy as this may seem, have you considered getting a job near your family?
    vannie, InkyP, mathsmutt and 4 others like this.
  5. marlin

    marlin Star commenter

    Can't you look for a teaching post closer to your family? You don't have to stay where you are for 30 years. Something is bound to turn up eventually one would have thought.
    InkyP, mathsmutt and peggylu like this.
  6. Bonnie23

    Bonnie23 Occasional commenter

    Thanks for those replies.

    I have looked and looked. My family live in a fairly remote place and although I don't want to be right on their door step I don't want to be really more than 30 minutes away. The area is very remote with only a few schools in the area and no jobs have come up over the last year.

    Right now I feel like my best option is re-training into a difference career path. Thanks to the Ebacc my subject is at a huge risk as it is.

    Basically - do I leave my job and retrain else where or put up with it.
  7. Flere-Imsaho

    Flere-Imsaho Star commenter

    You know, there's no harm in having a few random jobs for a while. If it would make you happier and it's cheaper, could you not go back to where your family are and just pick up any old work available? Or at least start to plan such a thing so that when your new lease is up you can make a clear choice.
  8. Bonnie23

    Bonnie23 Occasional commenter

    Thank you for your advice. I think my worry is financial security. I really need to be bringing in at least £1200 a month preferably £1400 to cover all of my bills of living alone. Moving back into my parents isn't something that I can do or want to do.

    I've never been that great with job hunting and I'm unsure of other salaries.
  9. Flere-Imsaho

    Flere-Imsaho Star commenter

    Forgive me for being harsh but if you want to live near your family you will need to start doing something about it. None of us can really tell you what you do because it depends what you want. If it were me, I'd start looking at what jobs are available in the target area and see if any of them are feasible and bearable. If there are no other well-paying jobs available, there's no point in soul searching about whether you want to move or note.
  10. Bonnie23

    Bonnie23 Occasional commenter

    Don't worry your comment isn't harsh. It's very true. I'm stuck in limbo land. I want a job closer to my family I just can't find it.

    It's causing me a lot of problems emotionally and it's making it difficult to commit to where I am now. A year on I didn't think I'd still be in the same location.

    Really I need advice from someone who has left the profession with the steps they took.
  11. caterpillartobutterfly

    caterpillartobutterfly Star commenter

    You can't leave your post until at least Christmas now, so plenty of time to make that kind of decision.

    Think what careers are available in rural Scotland. Are there any that you would actually want to do? If so, start to think about those if you are serious about changing. The cost of living might be cheaper nearer home, so a cut in salary might be workable. There is no point changing to a new career that still has no jobs where you'd like to live.

    I understand about not wanting to get old and have done nothing but work, but you also may not want to get old and think you've missed out career wise because of your parents. Some people sacrifice work for family and some sacrifice family for work. Only you can decide which you are.

    Four hours isn't actually all that far. You could drive from school and be there by 8.00-8.30 on a Friday night, then leave around 6.00 on a Sunday. Before I moved to live with my partner, we lived 5 hours apart, but still saw each other almost every weekend.

    But then again, it probably isn't just parents you are missing. You are an adult and need to fly the nest. Could you join some evening classes or weekend groups where you live and build yourself a life there? To be honest, you just sound a bit lonely and in need of a life outside work, this doesn't have to involve your family. You are a DT teacher, not sure if that is textiles/food/whatever else comes under it these days. There is probably several craft groups around you could join to meet people and build a new life.

    Best of luck whatever you decide, but you have to decide.
  12. cosmosinfrance

    cosmosinfrance Star commenter

    Four hours isn't that far. Ok, a bit far for a day trip but, I assume, there's nothing stopping you going for the weekend and during the holidays.. In between visits there's always the phone or Skype.
    In my opinion it's a mistake to rely too heavily on family for companionship etc.
  13. dunnocks

    dunnocks Star commenter

    There must be schools less than 4 hours away from your family, surely!
    mothorchid and Mangleworzle like this.
  14. grumpydogwoman

    grumpydogwoman Star commenter

    If you have the usual QTS then apply for other teaching jobs. Not necessarily your subject area. Don't restrict yourself. Look at other sectors and age groups too.
  15. caterpillartobutterfly

    caterpillartobutterfly Star commenter

    Great advice!
    Come down to primary, it is soooooo much more fun!
    And they have primaries in the rural beyond rural parts of Scotland.
  16. Bonnie23

    Bonnie23 Occasional commenter

    I thought about primary teaching but I'm not sure I have the patience and it is a lot of responsibility. I think I could deal with the older students but younger ones I think I would get frustrated with.

    I thought about IT or computer science but I think I would have to up my skills.

    Sorry if I sound like I don't appreciate the advice, I definitely do, I'm just looking for options and thinking them through in a written way.
  17. Flere-Imsaho

    Flere-Imsaho Star commenter

    I don't think the OP is in Scotland. No Ebacc here.

    Oh - perhaps the family is?
  18. caterpillartobutterfly

    caterpillartobutterfly Star commenter

    Teach the older ones then!
    It seriously isn't all that responsible...they let me do it. :cool:
    But her/his parents are.
    Bonnie23 likes this.
  19. Sundaytrekker

    Sundaytrekker Star commenter

    If you've just signed a tenancy agreement you are probably committed for the next twelve months. You could build a life where you are whilst visiting quite frequently or keep looking to move next summer and build a life near, but not totally relying on, you parents. There are jobs outside teaching but it is not easy to earn the same salary.

    You have got time to consider this further.

    SEBREGIS Lead commenter

    Getting out of teaching isn't as tough as all that, as long as you've not been in it very long. Teachers have a wide range of communication and organizational skills, and everyone knows how damned hard we work. The big problem is the period of notice.

    Work out where you could live. Contact some agencies up there and find out what the prospects are like. Could you get something that you would enjoy, which covers your costs?

    If you've worked that out by the end of the first half term, be bold and hand in your notice, Then start looking for a new job in your new location.

    You may find yourself stuck for a while. You may need to go back and live with your parents for a couple of months while you sort out a new job and a new home.

    For the record though - I do tend to agree with Caterpillertobutterfuly. It sounds like you're not happy where you are and whether you stay or move, that's worth spending some effort on. Teaching is a very time consuming, isolating job in some ways.

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