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Families, or more specifically brother and s-i-l rant

Discussion in 'Personal' started by dominant_tonic, Aug 30, 2015.

  1. dominant_tonic

    dominant_tonic Established commenter

    Sometimes, just sometimes, I could swing for my darling brother.

    Mum sent him a text asking him to try and spend a bit more time with dad who is in constant pain, and the other night got upset about being a burden to everyone etc, and only sees my brother when he wants something.

    The text was very straightforward, and explained this to my brother, mentioning that it was a little easier for his partner, because they lived a lot closer to her family, and more difficult for him to see dad, but would appreciate it if he could.

    Brother immediately forwarded this to his (brain-dead) partner, who put it on facebook to all of her friends as an example of how horrid my mother is (!). How she phrased it I don't know, but apparently all of her friends were giving it the 'poor you' scenario.

    We didn't know anything about this until my brother told sister 2, in confidence. As is their routine, brother thinks sister 2 is perfect and never says anything, but she tells us everything. She, true to form told mum, with the caveat of 'you can't say anything because I don't want him to know I told you.'

    End result, mum absolutely furious but can't say anything for fearing of upsetting the apple cart, and she is 'never going to trust him/text him etc because she'll be getting it all. She didn't realise she was texting, brother, s-i-l and facebook.

    Why, with two kids and a house to run would you want to **** like that on facebook? What is her problem? is my brother ever going to grow a pair, or even grow up? and I wish my sister would stop interfering then tying mum's hands so she has no recourse. There's a good reason my brother doesn't tell me rubbish like this, the pair of them would get short shrift.

    There, rant over. Blinking families.
  2. bombaysapphire

    bombaysapphire Star commenter

    I don't understand people who air their dirty laundry so publicly. Makes me cringe! Your SIL sounds like an idiot.

    Sister 2 sounds like a bit of a stirrer too. She should try to reason with your brother but there is no point in passing on information which will only cause upset.
  3. dominant_tonic

    dominant_tonic Established commenter

    Me neither. And yes, she is. I have tried very hard to like her, but stunts like this make it difficult. If the text had been slagging her off, then I would understand, but it simply said that it was easier for her because they live closer - nothing personal at all.

    Sister 2 is. I hate that she promises confidentiality to my brother, then breaks it, but then leaves mum without recourse. If it wasn't for the fact it would upset dad - I have a feeling his depression is on the return - I would call her bluff and ask my brother what she found so offensive about the text that she had to plaster it on facebook.

    I think people should undergo an IQ test before being allowed to sign up for facebook, pretty sure hers doesn't hit 3 figures.

    Thanks bombay, sometimes a rant is all you need :)
  4. bombaysapphire

    bombaysapphire Star commenter

    Rant away! I understand the benefits. My family had a massive falling out about 2 years ago. I was piggy in the middle. It was resolved but only because I didn't pass on most of what each side said about the other. There is nothing wrong with honesty (not that your sister is being honest anyway!) but total openness is stupid!
  5. pepper5

    pepper5 Star commenter

    It was very imature of your sil to post messages about private family matters on Facebook.

    Your brother will have to live with his conscience; you cannot control other people's behaviour - only your own, so make sure you spend as much time with your dad as you can. One day your brother may regret the fact he did not try to make more of an effort.
  6. grumpydogwoman

    grumpydogwoman Star commenter

    Basically what pepper said.
  7. angiebabe

    angiebabe Occasional commenter

    Unfortunately texts and emails are inherently lacking in emotion and therefore very ripe for misinterpretation/misunderstanding. Your dad is obviously the loser in all this. I do feel for you as I have issues with my lovely bro and S-I-law too.
  8. coffeekid

    coffeekid Star commenter

    And there was me feeling guilty that I haven't provided my child with a sibling. I know it wasn't your intention, DT, but your post has made me feel a bit better about that. :-D
  9. grumpydogwoman

    grumpydogwoman Star commenter

    Mum should have been a bit braver and called him to ask him rather than text him.

    A/ more personal

    B/ nothing in writing that can be distorted

    But I'm guessing she was worried about his reaction so 'chickened out'.

    Oh, dear. But hindsight is a wonderful thing.
  10. doomzebra

    doomzebra Occasional commenter

    People do not develop compassion, understanding or wisdom simply by being in blood relationships. All families contain their fair share of colossal tools. If you regard yourself as being of average intelligence and empathy then half of your relations are going to be lacking in these areas. It took me years to realise that accepting bloody awful behaviour from people just because they had a blood link to me was a huge mistake.
  11. grumpydogwoman

    grumpydogwoman Star commenter

    Absolutely, dz.

    It took me about two years to suss out my father was a bad'un. Horrid man. We're a very small family. I have no siblings. My kids have turned out OK.

    But my wife's brother is an arrogant, selfish plonker. They're just people. I won't persevere with them just because we're related.
  12. Jolly_Roger1

    Jolly_Roger1 Star commenter

    You have my sympathy, DT. If there was a Queen's Award for selfishness and being manipulative both my mother and my younger brother would be joint winners, every year! YB drops out of sight for months on end and then, out of the blue, contacts me 'reminding' me of my failings in my duty towards our mother, or telling me that my mother wants me to help him in some way, usually with money.
  13. dumpty

    dumpty Star commenter

    Hopefully this is not the situation with your father but it can get worse and really awful when a close relative passes away. Your post reminds me of my own father and his sisters, the latter saying they had the right to more of their mother's inheritance because they saw her more while she was alive. It led to much hatred and bitterness.

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