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Failure

Discussion in 'Workplace dilemmas' started by kezwhi, Apr 8, 2011.

  1. I feel such a failure- I've got two boys - one just over two and the other just over the age of one. I work full time and am six months pregnant. I'm exhausted and have had this week off - just before Easter which is not goin to look good on my record. I feel guilty but I'm exhausted. Blood tests next week :(

    What can I do about work? I cant start maternity until 11 weeks before due date but don't want to as I want more time with the baby BUT I just don't seem to be coping. I'm so tired, run down and work have declined both my previous applications for part time so working full time is killing me. Sleepless nights with teething children, getting us all out of the house at 7.15am every morning. Coming home 6ish. What do I do?
     
  2. Crowbob

    Crowbob Established commenter

    If you are too ill to be in work, don't go. Get a doctor's note.
    Don't feel guilty. Don't feel pressurised. Don't go to work.
    You are looking for advice. You have two choices: 1) get on with it 2) get signed off. Simple.
    If it is just your sentimentality that is forcing you to work, then more fool you. If this is a pregnancy-related illness it cannot be held against you.
    If Easter doesn't recharge your batteries, you need to do something.
     
  3. I know I couldn't do it with children so young. You will basically have 3 babies to look after and I can't imagine the childcare costs when you go back to work. I don't believe teaching is compatible with 'having a family'. Family life doesn't just revolve around school holidays and a normal 9-5 job woulldn't involve 11 hour days for you all. You're probably quite tough to have got this far coping with 2 chldren, but see how it looks to you after Easter.
     
  4. Either you get major support now....nanny, cleaner ,family whatever or admit this cannot work.
    The word failure does not sound good .
    Think of your health and that of your babies.
     
  5. Wish we could afford a nanny, cleaner- no family around. I can't afford to give up work but if HT says no to part time again then I will end up losing a job I've worked hard for :(
     
  6. Sounds like you are probably anaemic. Adjust your diet and you will probably be put on iron tabs aswell. That should perk you up especially over the hols. Visit family and take some time to yourself if you can. Did you have time to yourself whilst you were off?
    Hope you feel better soon and that an applilcation for PT goes better for you. Have you spoken to the governors about it?

     
  7. Are there 2 of you earning? Maybe you can afford some help if you really try.
    Don't you have a right to request part time?
    I just can't imagine 2 tiny ones and a new baby.
     
  8. Hello! Poor you, you must be exhausted right enough. The school has to consider any request you make for flexible working, ie part-time when you have children. What were their reasons for refusing this?I would have a chat with a union adviser. School can make you take maternity leave early if you sign off with pregnancy related illness, so I'd think very carefully about what to cite as the health reasons if you do decide to sign off. Don't harm your health for the sake of work. You and your family are far more important. Please ignore unhelpful commentsregarfing your choice to have children. Childcare is extortionate and the uk is one of the poorest countries in Europe when it comes to encouraging women to work and have children. If it wasn't for women choosing to have kids, we'd all be out of a job! :) take care
     
  9. Thank you all. I want to work so I can support my family and I want a family of my own which I have. I just feel that i'm hopeless as it's all too much and I'm in awe of women who can do both. Why can't I???!!!!that's why I feel like a failure as I know thousands, millions of women do it. But really full time in teaching? I thought I would be able to do it but I am struggling!

    Lots of iron rich foods for me and I'm hoping to be ready for the last term of the year!
     
  10. I sympathise with you entirely. I went back to a job that was part time and I thought would be ideal however the demands of teaching are NOT something that fit easily round a young family (and you have the added stress of being pregnant too).
    Put your request for part time hours in writing to the head and the governors. As others have said there have to be very good reasons for them not honouring your request for flexible working when you have children under 5. Get union support for this too (and I mean from regional office, not your school based rep)
    Try to rest as much as is possible during the holidays - who has your children while you are working? Could they take them for a while during the holiday so you can put your feet up?
    I'm sure you have a supportive OH but make sure he knows how you are feeling and see if he can carry the load a little - maybe putting the washing on or putting the children to bed whilst you have a long soak in the bath; washing up, putting away the clean dishes, etc; all jobs that don't have to be done by you but that most men can't muck up [​IMG]
    If it really is that bad, go to the doctor, and ask about getting signed off. Talk with your doctor about the situation and explain that you are exhausted but that if you put that down as sick leave you might be enforced to start your maternity leave early (although I believe that is only if you are more than a certain number of weeks pregnant as I had to take a week off due to high blood pressure when I was about 6 months pregnant and they didn't make me start mat leave)
    And, in my opinion, those who say that they can continue their career after having children are not telling the full truth. Yes, you can continue your career, but you don't then get to be with your family. Something has to give. All those people who told my friends and me when we were at school that it is possible to have a career and a family clearly never tried it! There are only 24 hours in the day and some of them HAVE to be for resting! [​IMG]
     
  11. Ever since I decided to go into Education after years in manufacturing, Women have gone right up in my estimation. During my PGCE, I thought I was going to have a breakdown with all of the pressure, yet there were Women on the same course, doing the same stuff, but looking after Kids and Husbands as well!
    I honestly don't know how they did it! I kid you not, during Teacher Training, my missus did everything for me, from ironing my kecks and shirts, to cooking my food, and I STILL struggled to cope.
    I answer to your post, in my opinion, the fact that you have managed to hold down a Teachers job at all while you are pregnant and with 2 little kids, means you are far from a failure - you are a WINNER!
    Women - the weaker sex??? My Ar*e!
     
  12. Adjusting to what is, the circumstances you find yourself, in is not failure.
    If you are going to continue to teach with three babies/ small children then something has to give - you might need to employ a nanny or live in help. Could you afford this? Do you want this?
    Or
    you could take a respite from teaching for a few years and enjoy your precious babes. You have spent enough time trying to juggle a demanding job with the very important formative years of your children. Enough already.
    The good thing is that it will not take you long to be back in teaching because your chidlren are so close together.
    Adjust the mortgage and downscale. Enjoy being at home and wearing your pyjamas till 11 o'clock if you like. Have long baths with your babies. Join mums and tots and other groups. Make do and mend. How do other people cope with one wage and low income. They do. Learn this -it will be a useful arm to your professional career.
    There's time enough to work. Plenty of time. But the days of childhood don't come again. It's not a failure to be out of teaching, it's not the be all and end all of life. Caring for children is not some kind of rubbish activity that can be left to do itself - it takes intelligence, committment and determination and huge patience, loads of different skills and loads of vision. It's not a second fiddle to teaching, it's first violin (but unpaid).
    You know it makes sense.

     
  13. And you will find that having three children is not at all like having two and then another. It becomes completely manic with only two hands to deal with three - a completely different ball game.

     
  14. Great post Edna. I was thinking along those lines but didn't have the guts to say so.
    We are so conditioned to regard self and family as things to be sidelined.
    I am one of the women who didn't manage to "have it all".
     
  15. Hehe! I've given up ironing, even little items like kecks! Even brushing my hair (joke)! I just don't know how women who already have very young children and work full time in teaching do it?! Remarkable! I want to be bringing up my children and have the opportunity to work part time to support the family!
     
  16. It definitely makes sense ednapooh, I know that. I've tried hard and tried to keep everyone, thing happy and now my health is suffering. I shall be most certainly enjoying the forthcoming maternity leave and if I have to get a part time job - it will be of any description. I know teaching isn't everything, my family have always come first and I've been to the union and had advice on both applications for part time. If it isn't granted on my third application then I can safely say that I quit, and I will QUIT with bloody pride and happiness.

    So many words of wisdom from everyone. I feel so much better. Here's to a new chapter of my life. AMEN
     
  17. I genuinely believed and sometimes still do that it is my job to keep everyone happy and everything running smoothly.
    I learnt a very tough lesson when I had PND. Years later I still hang onto this faulty belief and find it hard to be selfish.
    One thing I learnt is that if Mum is well and things are running in a good enough fashion..decent food,not too stressed ,plenty of rest,some friends,the kids are soaking this all up and using it to their advantage.
    If they see a knackered, miserable, ill parent they make decisions about themselves and life.
     
  18. greta444

    greta444 New commenter

    I am so glad you have decided to leave f your third request for part-time isn't granted. If it is not, then the school and governors obviously don't value your input as much as you family certainly would. Your children will only be little once, there will always be work for experienced teachers, when they are ready and fit for working!!!
    I really feel for you and nearly understand how tough it is having done my teaching degree while my my children were 2 and 3, I was a single parent as well. Why do we do it? However, the children grow up and I now have more time to dedicate to work. Please spend this time on yourself and with your children. Teaching is just a job at the end of the day.
     
  19. Crowbob

    Crowbob Established commenter

    Many experienced teachers would disagree.
     
  20. greta444

    greta444 New commenter

    Yaay you go Kewhi! The very best of luck with your long awaited freedom.

     

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