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Discussion in 'Personal' started by Arc_en_ciel, Feb 14, 2020.

  1. Arc_en_ciel

    Arc_en_ciel New commenter

    How much time must lapse before it's morally acceptable to have relations (for want of a better term) with an ex-student?
  2. Dunteachin

    Dunteachin Star commenter

    I'll just get some popcorn.
    caress, ROSIEGIRL, blazer and 11 others like this.
  3. foxtail3

    foxtail3 Star commenter

    Embark upon a relationship, would be a better term probably.
    Jamvic, nomad and Dragonlady30 like this.
  4. Dragonlady30

    Dragonlady30 Star commenter

    20 years?? :confused: :confused: :confused:
  5. bookeater

    bookeater Occasional commenter

    My friend married his ex-pupil had 3 kids got divorced...
    Ask the ex-students' mother!
    agathamorse likes this.
  6. Rott Weiler

    Rott Weiler Star commenter Forum guide

    I don't know about "morally acceptable", but I'd say at 3 years. Why? No idea, just the first number that came into my head.

    There's three keys things you haven't told us.

    Is this a teacher who actually knew and taught the ex-student?

    Is the teacher still working at the same school?

    Is it likely that people will allege (even if wholly wrongly) that the relationship had started when the ex-student was still a student?​

    No to all of those, should be no problems. Yes to all, be very careful.
    border_walker likes this.
  7. magic surf bus

    magic surf bus Star commenter

    I imagine the Key Stage you teach would be a significant factor. :)
    blazer, mothorchid, nizebaby and 12 others like this.
  8. Arc_en_ciel

    Arc_en_ciel New commenter

    Ok, in a nutshell...

    He was her tutor from Y7 to Y11, helped her through some very troubled teenage years and has been friends on FB since she left school in 2009. Fast forward to now and they've been a couple for 3 years.
  9. Rott Weiler

    Rott Weiler Star commenter Forum guide

    Doesn't sound like a problem.

    What prompted you ask?
    border_walker and Morninglover like this.
  10. TheoGriff

    TheoGriff Star commenter


    Friends on FB with an ex-pupil who might have just left yr 11?


    Best wishes

    blazer likes this.
  11. Ivartheboneless

    Ivartheboneless Star commenter

    Thats eleven years ago Theo. 16 + 11 = 27, adults and all that.
  12. Morninglover

    Morninglover Star commenter

    I wasn't a 'friend' with any former pupils until some time after I retired. Then a couple (now adults in their 40s or 50s) with whom I share interests (sporting/political) asked to be my friend and I accepted them.

    But a former pupil once they'd left school when I was still teaching? No way.
    TheoGriff likes this.
  13. nizebaby

    nizebaby Star commenter

    Why is it an issue now if she's 27?
    border_walker likes this.
  14. colpee

    colpee Star commenter

    I would think the leavers ball would definitely need to be over:cool:
  15. TheoGriff

    TheoGriff Star commenter

    Yes, but has been FB friend

    So my Hmn was taking her on as a FB friend so young and just as she left school.

    The other, overall, query about what they get up to now is just weird, it´s so out of any danger zone.

    Best wishes

  16. blazer

    blazer Star commenter

    Yes, if you teach KS 2 then it may be best to wait at least 6 years!
    TheoGriff likes this.
  17. nizebaby

    nizebaby Star commenter

    I wonder why rhe OP asked the question, and I hope there was no malicious intent.

    Good luck to the genuine lovers of the world, say I.
  18. nizebaby

    nizebaby Star commenter

    I wonder why the OP asked the question, and I hope there was no malicious intent. If the OP is actually the teacher involved, he surely has nothing to worry about

    Good luck to the genuine lovers of the world, say I.
  19. Corvuscorax

    Corvuscorax Star commenter

    I would have some concerns about the power balance in such a relationship. i have known a teacher/student couple who were married 30 years and had 3 children, and never broke out of the teacher/student relationship. The woman involved, who I have now known for decades, as a wife and a widow, has commented to me that she didn't grow up and become an adult herself until she was widowed. Which I agree with, she was a child until then, The household was like one father and 4 children

    Having said that, it would be none of my business, and they are adults and it is legal so I would only say something if they were close friends and I was specifically asked.

    And I have concerns about the power balance in plenty of other relationships, which did not start in this way , too
  20. Corvuscorax

    Corvuscorax Star commenter

    I think legally it has to be 3 years and the student has to be 21, is that right? or is it more professional guidance than law?

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