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Emergency calls

Discussion in 'Personal' started by florapost, Feb 3, 2011.

  1. Hey, flora is having a moan. I have done that before about my own family.
    But flora IS visiting, even if whinging about it.
    And we all whinge a bit.
    Fletch is totally on a different scale.
    I found his/her comments totally shocking.
  2. doomzebra

    doomzebra Occasional commenter

    Your name and contact details must have bene given to the service provider when the service was set up. If it is such a bloody imposition, simply tell them to remove you as a contact (or give them false details of a new number).

  3. I can see how some people may think this attitude is shelfish but this is they way that my family operates and I think it's sensible.I'm glad that my no one family has never brought into the duty bound attitude and that we're free to come and go as we please. We meet up when it suits us all and we enjoy the time together but we don't need to do things just because that's what traditional families do. I'm thankful that I won't waste hours worrying if i'm unable to visit and that it won't me destroy me if i'm not at their bed side when some one dies. It's a natural part of life and once they've gone im sure they won't be sat worring about not seeing me during their last moments, Every one in my family knows that they are loved and they don't need their relatives running around after them to make them feel content.
    If you do feel duty bound and need to be seen to be being their for your family then fair enough but some families don't operate like that. It doesn't make us awful just different .

  4. Have you ever lost someone close to you Fletch?
  5. I have. When I was a teenager both my dad and an uncle past away.
  6. And this would translate into "someone in my family who is old and lives far away can die alone because they would not expect me (or any other family member) to run if there was an emergency"

    Just different

    Different views of what love means
  7. Then I am quite surprised at your blase attitude towards death.
  8. Anonymous

    Anonymous New commenter

    My mother lives around 100 miles away from my brother and I (both of us are in our fifties). I do worry that a similar emergency could come up but I wouldn't attempt the drive late at night or, to be honest, in the dark - I avoid night driving as much as possible these days. My brother probably would though and I might go with him if the circumstances were particularly dire, though we tend to try to make some sort of arrangement so that we take "shifts" so to speak.

  9. If that is the way your family works, so be it. To me, that is not family. At all. Just some people who are related and actually do not want to spend time together or care for each other.
    I find that, honestly, very sad and I thankful that my life has been full of family love and - old fashioned as it may be - duty.
    Because that duty comes from knowing implicitly, without ever asking, that I will be cared for, always was, always will be.
    And I will pay that back and I will pay it on.
  10. I'm glad thats how your family works but my mum and dads realtionship and my parents parents relationship we're always very explosive and abusive so our family has never been emotionally close.
    However, I wouldn't change it for the world as its made me fiercely independent and self-reliant. I love the fact that i'm free to come and go as I please and my family can go for months without seeing each other without any feelings of guilt.
    Not the way that most people would like it I agree but it makes me happy

  11. doomzebra

    doomzebra Occasional commenter

    Different people have different family relationships - my parents could be seriously ill right at this moment and I would have no idea, nor would I head North if I found out.
  12. I felt the need to comment on this thread.

    Not so long ago one of my younger relatives was rushed into hospital with meningitis septicaemia (sp?). Anyway, I got the call late at night and he was over 250 miles away but I didn't think twice about being there for his mother (we are very close) and also was told that he might not make it through the night.

    I drove through the night because it was an emergency and I couldn't imagine not being there.

    I think you sometimes need to consider what is the best action.
  13. I lost my own dad unexpectedly to heart problems after being reassured he would be fine by the doctors; having had the chance to be at the hospital with him was the only thing that gave me any comfort initially. In your situation I would have been there like a shot - I'm glad his condition is not as bad as was first feared but wonder how you would feel had the outcome not been so fortunate? Heart conditions can be so unpredictable it is up to you whether you want to take the risk.
  14. they were blocking one side of the carriageway on a main road that has 5 bus routes on it (which is also an accident black spot - but that only makes it more immoral, not more illegal), and had no contraflow lights or men-with-stop-and-go-on-poles
    i have checked with next door's builders today and he has confirmed that veolia (for whom they were subcontracting) said these were necessary
    sorry if you think i'm ott, but we've have 2 miracle-they weren't-fatal accidents here in the last 12 months
  15. Ditto. Exactly what dipsue said.
    I wouldn't be able to sleep after an emergency call like that.
  16. Bethannie

    Bethannie New commenter

    I haven't seen my birth-dad in years. I have long since stopped expecting him to get back in touch.
    But if I had an emergency call like that, I would be immediately working out how I could get up north asap to be with him.
    Then again, maybe I'm just an old softie!

  17. yes - by my dad, without his realizing the implications, and certainly without anyone telling me, let alone asking my permission
    hopes he has now set up a 'do not ring before 8am' tag - actually i'd
    be happy with 6am, but i won't change it cos we'll see how it goes -
    hopefully it's only for a couple more months anyway
    and in reply
    to someone else - no, i wouldn't die form lack of sleep, but i would die
    if i crashed on the motorway - i was in tears driving back today as it
    was, what with the narrow lanes, the lorries and the high wind
    this has been going on for 11 years- i thought someone else posted about a similar situation, and i meant to empathize with them last night- but i can't find them now, mostly cos i'm asleep on my feet
    i have thought about your posts a lot - and i think that, if i did make the wrong call, after 11 years of this, i would forgive myself if i could maybe have made it but didn't - but i appreciate those who have prompted me to think this through before th eevent
    with my mum, it would be so different - cq - you reminded me without meaning to that i must talk to her - many years ago, i said she must never go to a&e without calling me as she is the stoic sort who would enf up on a trolley for 2 days. i need to update the talk. and if she were ever rushed off - boy, would the adreneline flow - and thanks for the general support - sometimes we do need a whinge even if doing the right thing - i missed our christams dinner and now chinese new year - i do it - but *** can't i moan!!!
  18. Chica77

    Chica77 New commenter

    My parents live 280 miles away, i could probably drive it in 5 hours or a bit less if it were really late at night. I would be straight in my car if I got a call like that.
  19. Anonymous

    Anonymous New commenter

    ...and if you had an accident?
    It wasn't that long ago that a man was charged with, I think, careless driving for causing a train derailment as a direct result of driving on virtually no sleep and driving off the road. If I recall correctly people died as a result of him thinking it was okay to drive without sleep.
    I expect the gut instinct might be to jump in the car but it's not always the smart thing to do.
    It's one of the difficulties of scattered families - in the past family would probably have been relatively local but not so much now.
    It only takes around 2 hours to drive to my mum's but it's a mix of motorway and winding country roads and it would be extremely foolish, in my opinion, to attempt it when both tired and emotional.

  20. I think a few people have been a bit hard on the OP.
    See, you've got to think: why are we so desperate to be there at the end? I mean, is it because the loved one needs support as they leave, or is it all about a last goodbye, making any amends and feeling better that after decades of duty phone calls and generic Christmas presents, that we are good children because we have seen our parents off?
    It's not the be all and end all (well, maybe end all). A lot of folk wait until everyone's gone home after visiting and pop their clogs in peace! It must be pretty stressful for Florapost to keep doing these mercy dashes.
    I suggest she makes sure her dad keeps a bag packed for emergencies containing very clear details of her number for the hospital to ring. I don't think it's wise to tell the alarm people not to ring - I know it must be a pain to have a disturbed night, but you really should be contactable. If it turns out your dad is fine and you've lost a night's sleep over nowt, take the next day off.

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