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Elderly parents

Discussion in 'Personal' started by Lalad, Mar 4, 2012.

  1. Lalad

    Lalad Lead commenter

    The answer is "with great difficulty"! I recommend reading through Lara's thread from beginning to end for inspiration:

  2. It's not easy. My dad ( with demenia) lived with me for 3 1/2 years whilst I taught full time. I had little time for my husband, me children or myself. I had help during the day of course, but evenings were spent on personal care, cooking separate meals and chatting to him. My husband did help a lot. Tough, but had to be done. I was in my early 40's with teenaged kids. Like I said, not easy.
  3. It certainly isnt easy. I am a f/t carer for my mum who has dementia. She now lives with us as she was unable to cope alone and living 200 miles away. She did have carers in daily but we used to come home to a barrage of phone messages from them with questions like "how do I work the microwave?" or " your mum's run out of tablets...what do we do?" or "your mum hasnt got any food in the house ..." We got totally fed up with all the problems we were supposed to sort out at a distance. My mum also didnt want to stay there any more; she was lonely and wanted to be near us. So we moved her here ... we were in the process of buying her a flat but soon realised she would never cope on her own in a totally new environment; so she ended up living with us.
    I managed for about a year juggling my p/t job with caring for her and being a mum, wife etc. etc, but last September I became unwell (may or may not have been linked to stress, we just dont know...) The result was that I gave up work and became her carer. I didnt much like my job anyway and wasnt earning much. If I'd been in a really well paid career, the decision to stop working would have been more difficult.
    I think you are lucky that you have family who help out - so often these days, the care burden falls on one child, usually the one living nearest. My brother lives in the USA so obviously cannot be of much help. I am sure he would help if he was nearer but the sad fact is that I am the one who has had to give up work and who has the job (and the stress) of caring for our mother. It will also be me who has to take the horrible decision to put her in a home when we can no longer cope!
    All I can say is good luck - make sure you get all the help you're entitled to.
  4. PlymouthMaid

    PlymouthMaid Occasional commenter

    Marie do come and join on on Lara's thread mentioned above. It has been a great help to me during the past few weeks when my poor Dad's Parkinson's has escalated a bit. I sound slike you are under a ton of stress and something's gotta give at some point.

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