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Elderly (ish) parents

Discussion in 'Personal' started by princessdiaries, Apr 11, 2011.

  1. Is anybody else in this boat? My dad is in his mid sixties but I am starting to find him so, so difficult. He repeats himself constantly, tells around half an hour to recount a story that would have taken about twenty words, but it's the constant fussing that is really driving me bananas. If I say anything just casually it can either relate to a noise that indicates he heard me (thus stopping any further conversation) or just firing questions at me - "when are you going, who with, how are you getting there" on and on and on! And I inevitably end up telling him again, and again and again.
    I'm just finding it hard to keep my patience with him and not snap, I seem to get irritable around him a lot which leads to lots of wounded looks and him repeating what he said in a long suffering tone preceded by "Well I was ONLY saying that ..."
    [​IMG]
    We used to get on so well when I was younger and it just seems sad but I find him so infuriating lately and I can't even fully express why.
     
  2. Is anybody else in this boat? My dad is in his mid sixties but I am starting to find him so, so difficult. He repeats himself constantly, tells around half an hour to recount a story that would have taken about twenty words, but it's the constant fussing that is really driving me bananas. If I say anything just casually it can either relate to a noise that indicates he heard me (thus stopping any further conversation) or just firing questions at me - "when are you going, who with, how are you getting there" on and on and on! And I inevitably end up telling him again, and again and again.
    I'm just finding it hard to keep my patience with him and not snap, I seem to get irritable around him a lot which leads to lots of wounded looks and him repeating what he said in a long suffering tone preceded by "Well I was ONLY saying that ..."
    [​IMG]
    We used to get on so well when I was younger and it just seems sad but I find him so infuriating lately and I can't even fully express why.
     
  3. Because you want your dependable, old dad back. It's hard to face up to the ageing of your parents - for you and for them. It's a sign of your own adulthood and of mortality. Tough stuff.
     
  4. I wish my Dad were still alive to infuriate me
    My Mum is nearly 80 and has been repeating herself for about 10 years ... luckily she is still alert enough to laugh with us when we tease about this but I know it will get worse

    We only see her every couple of months so I imagine it is far worse for my elder brother who lives with her and my younger one who sees her most days [​IMG]

    I wonder if I am getting a bit irritating tbh ,,, hard of hearing if I can not see you is the worst so the kids are driven mad in the car
     
  5. As parents get older, they can annoy you.
    I wish mine were still around to annoy me.
    Cherish and indulge him - you were once an infuriating child and he had patience with you xxx
     
  6. I do realise that I am still lucky that he is around and that he is for the most part in good health.
    It is hard to explain though. It's more than him being a bit annoying although I realise I probably didn't express that terribly well. I think the closest in some ways I can explain it is that it's like he doesn't see me or know me at all, as if I exist just as a sounding board or a background - thing.
    Sorry, I suppose I don't know fully what I mean so don't know why I expected other people to!
     
  7. I think we do understand. My mother is 81 and totally oblivious to me (or anyone else) as a person other than as I relate to her. She is pretty much housebound and has too much time to think, she repeats herself many times over and cannot see anyone else's point of view any more. It's hard to watch it and it is also difficult to put up with it sometimes.
     
  8. That makes sense. My Grandma is like that.
    Yes, it hurts. Yes, they are self-centred. They are old, confused, scared and know that they are not immortal.
    They gave us time though, when we were young, never slept, s.hitting in our pants and puking on their shoulders.
    Give that time back - what he is doing is not personal. He is not trying to hurt you xxx
     
  9. anon468

    anon468 New commenter

    Spot on CQ. [​IMG]

     
  10. Yep I think you summed it up! I realise that he gave me time when I was little but it just makes me feel I have very little inn terms of help/support and I can't help it, it makes me sad.
     
  11. I understand, my mum is a bit like your dad (bless her, she is in hospital right now), Prior to going into hospital, I got her to tell me all about her childhood, she did all the talking, shes good at that, I found it fascinating and began to write it all down, there were so many things I didn't know about her, the poverty, hardship etc
    I know look at her very differently and have a little booklet of her memoirs..Her health is not good at all know,and it has been hard in the past, but bear with your dad and cherish him and be a sounding board to him, you'll still love him as much as ever..
     
  12. I can only repeat what daffo has said. Listen. You will learn so much that you never knew. Bite your tongue, and listen.
    Listen, listen, listen xxx
     
  13. Yes CQ ... I have listened to him for a long, long time and always with kindness and understanding but he is by his own admission not an easy man and at the moment I am afraid I am finding him stressful, I am sorry if that makes me sound unpleasant in any way but it is not easy.
     
  14. None of us have said it is easy.
    I think you will find many on here who have it worse, honestly.
    He still knows who you are.
     
  15. Sounds quite young for that sort of problem.
    I find news readers repeat themeselves too.
     
  16. I know that. I didn't start this thread saying that it was the worst experience with an elderly parent anybody had ever had [​IMG] And you are right it isn't easy.
     
  17. PD - it is wearing when someone repeats themselves over and over again, particularly when you have lots of other things going on in your life and demands on your time.
    As much as you love him, and as much as others wish they still had their parents to be infuriated by, it doesn't stop it from driving you mad at times, lol.
    My mum has been repeating herself for years - she isn't confused or anything, she just tells me the same stories over and over again. I joke with her, and say things like "If you tell me that one more time, I will scream" or "Mum you have told me that a thousand times already". She usually just laughs and continues to tell me it anyway.
    My dad has become a little more forgetful, and when he repeats something or asks me something I have already told him, I say something like, "yes, you were telling me that the other day," and ask him something about it he hasn't already told me.
    My dad gets frustrated that he forgets things, so I tend to not mention it to him, whereas my mum just laughs it off.
     
  18. Does he realise he repeats himself?
     
  19. ilovesooty

    ilovesooty Lead commenter

    I think most of you are talking about parents quite a bit older than princessdiaries' father. For added perspective, I'm just over ten years younger than he is, so I think it's pretty young to be repeating himself like this and being so trying, as I think someone else pointed out.
    I don't think he's yet reached the time of life where PD should have to think of him as in his second childhood. I think he sounds really difficult as a personality in his own right, regardless of his age.
     
  20. Doglover, I know what you mean - 'wearing' is a good word.
    I wish I hadn't started this now though as I can't fully explain what I mean. It isn't that he repeats himself - that is a bit annoying but insignificant really. He fusses and gets so hung up on something small that he fails to see the bigger picture. For example he wants to sell his house and buy a smaller one which is fair enough. However on four separate occasions now he has put in an offer on a house (and it must be so upsetting and frustrating for the people trying to sell) and then fussed and faffed and pulled out because of some tiny detail which obviously matters to him but then he forgets why he wants to sell in the first place! Meanwhile his house is decaying around him because he can't properly look after it any more. And he drags me into this, telling me every little tiny detail about the house he is looking at, why he wants to buy it, then no, I don't want to buy it, then I'm looking at this other one and it has this this AND this.
    But then he doesn't know what to buy people for their birthdays as he doesn't know what their tastes are. And yes I am lucky to have him but I'm not even 30 yet and I've lost one parent and all four grandparents so I think I have ticked the box for you don't know what you've got till its gone. I am grateful to have him but he is still being extremely difficult to deal with.
     

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