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DWP suggsts those seeking work become fortune tellers

Discussion in 'Personal' started by blue451, Aug 22, 2019.

  1. blue451

    blue451 Lead commenter

    No, really.

    The articule is actually about their having "mistakenly" included stripping and "dances in adult entertainment establishments." as employment options - something they say they are now correcting.

    however if you scroll to the bottom, you'll see they apparently also steer people towards paid employment as fortune tellers.

  2. florian gassmann

    florian gassmann Star commenter

    I love the way that journalists describe this sort of thing as "Government blunder" when it is obviously a civil service blunder. They must, of course, stick to the convention that civil servants cannot be blamed.
    LondonCanary and nomad like this.
  3. Ivartheboneless

    Ivartheboneless Star commenter

    As HMG are completely clueless about the future, perhaps they could employ people in this role?
    phlogiston and catbefriender like this.
  4. sabram86

    sabram86 Occasional commenter

    On-the-job training, apparently.

    The mind boggles.

    Do you think this will soon be turned into an accredited apprenticeship with appropriate NVQ qualifications and entrance requirements, including GCSE maths and English?
    sodalime likes this.
  5. blue451

    blue451 Lead commenter

    Sorry for typos. Combination of crumbs in the keyboard and a big clumsy dressing on a finger I almost chopped off (accidentally) yesterday.
  6. EmanuelShadrack

    EmanuelShadrack Star commenter

    I wonder if the fortune tellers need a proven track record of having been right.

    Actually, I wonder if there are any incompetent fortune tellers out there. It's a shame there aren't any league tables. Then the senior fortune tellers could observe the junior ones, and perhaps put them on capability.
  7. EmanuelShadrack

    EmanuelShadrack Star commenter

    I think the new T-level qualification ("T" for "tease") addresses this.
  8. sabram86

    sabram86 Occasional commenter

    Good morning, everyone!

    Welcome to T-level Astrology and Fortune Studies. You will complete four exams for this course, two practical and two written.

    The first exam is written; you will read a palm and then write a personal horoscope, whose results will be tabulated (higher marks for plausible vagueness).

    The second exam is practical. You will be ducked and water. If you float, you fail (witches sink, after all).

    For the third exam, you will conduct a seance, which will be filmed. The more convincing it is, the higher the grade.

    The final written exam involves memorising and reciting Nostradamus.

    This is a suitable preparation for a career in politics or educational research.
  9. EmanuelShadrack

    EmanuelShadrack Star commenter

    Very good :D
  10. peakster

    peakster Star commenter

    Actually most fortune tellers know that they're not going to get a job as a fortune teller
  11. ajrowing

    ajrowing Lead commenter

    Isn't fortune telling much the same as what financial advisers and those who gamble other peoples' money in the City of London do? Seems to work for them.
    phlogiston likes this.
  12. monicabilongame

    monicabilongame Star commenter

    It's called lying. Perhaps they should be steered towards becoming politicians instead.
  13. Duke of York

    Duke of York Star commenter

    I saw a prognosticator when I was young. She told me I would soon be coming into some money. The next day I had a date with a girl named Penny. Is that spooky or what?
    sabrinakat and phlogiston like this.
  14. Rott Weiler

    Rott Weiler Star commenter Forum guide

    "Chair attendant" and "seat attendant" are also in the list, wonder what they are?
    EmanuelShadrack likes this.
  15. FrankWolley

    FrankWolley Star commenter

    Worth looking at the other 'jobs' on their list!

  16. burajda

    burajda Star commenter

    Many peoples private pensions rely on their decisions, there certainly are mistakes made but overall over the last seven or eight years, very few pension funds have shown a decline in performance, most have shown good growth.
  17. burajda

    burajda Star commenter

    Innuendo there DoY? Or just my smutty mind?
    scienceteachasghost likes this.
  18. scienceteachasghost

    scienceteachasghost Lead commenter

    Legally fortune telling is considered entertainment. From a scientific point of view some people have a skill at reading people and making better than chance inferences based on what they are told.
  19. burajda

    burajda Star commenter

    My wife's aunt reckoned she had 'energy' surrounding her and could read coffee grounds in upturned cups. But she always said that anyone with such 'powers' as hers who asked for money for readings was a fraud.
    When my wife was pregnant she dangled a needle over her belly on a thread and burnt some leaves she'd brought with her. She deduced that we would have a beautiful baby girl.
  20. hhhh

    hhhh Lead commenter

    Something similar happened in Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix. I always thought that it should be required reading for 21st century teachers (an evil person who is pretty useless observes and criticises decent teachers).
    sabrinakat likes this.

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