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Drug worry - partner

Discussion in 'Health and wellbeing' started by Orchidfriend, Sep 7, 2019.

  1. Hi there,

    Im after some advice, but bear with me and be kind as I'm a bit delicate now.

    Im going to try and keep it brief and simple as not wanting to identify myself.

    Married for many years, 15 years plus. Happily for the most part. Two young children.

    A few years recently of his depression. It comes and goes. Usually it's to do with money worries, sometimes me. Depression usually shows itself by not waking up till afternoon and.not going to work. Self employed so doesn't really affect anyone.

    Married for a long time and he says that life can be boring and stress from work doesn't help. Earlier this year we tried counselling but only went for the assessment. The follow up call came this week but he says that we're fine aren't we and that we don't need to go. I kind of agreed, things seem to be okay.

    This week, he's been coming home late, really late, which isnt unusual. Yesterday he didn't go to work, about 6pm said he was meeting a friend for dinner, I know this is true, he's stayed in.bed till 2pm and as I went to get money from his jeans, I found a rolled up note. I have no experience apart from I've seen it in films.

    I did ask him straight out. He just said that's how it was in his pocket. I said but looks like the ones people use to take drugs, he laughed and said they use straws now. I left the room and cried. Then wrote this.

    I don't know how to approach this next. Sounds stupid but an affair reckon I could deal with, but this, this is a problem that He has, in secret. He knows my stance on drugs, never have, really against it. I don't know whether to confront him, hell probably lie and say its all in my head and I'm stressing him out. I don't believe for one second I'm mistaken. Its not rolled like that for no reason. But proving is something else.

    Im tempted to straight out ask his friend if I should have something to worry about. He may not say exactly what, but at least I'd have some knowledge.

  2. Bedlam3

    Bedlam3 Star commenter

    He now knows that you suspect him so, if he is doing drugs, he will try to hide it more. I'd do some quiet finding out as he will just deny anything of you ask him and will become even more secretive. Do you know where he goes when he is out late? Can you go out and find where he is? If not then yes i agree you should ask his friend. The rolled up note plus the behaviour does sound suspicious, Have you noticed anything else? What do his eyes look like when he comes in? Is he sweating, unable to sleep etc?
    EBC likes this.
  3. EBC

    EBC Occasional commenter

    Thank you for responding.

    I always thought I knew where he was. He's quite honest when he says he's going to be late and all reasons sounds true.

    Another late night last night. I've even facetimed so yes he is at work.

    Sleeping is either too much or struggles to sleep.

    I haven't mentioned it again. He knows I'm suspicious now.

    I don't think it's a regular thing. How can it be without me noticing?! We're seeing the friend this weekend. I'll be keeping watch.
    Bedlam3 likes this.
  4. eleanorms

    eleanorms Occasional commenter

    I live with a husband who suffers on and off depression, probably for last 8 years or so. Mostly I feel compassion - sometimes I want to scream and tell him to stop being such a self obsessed, thoughtless s*d. No experience of other problem, though, although his mental state has led him to taking up other behaviours which really hurt me. It's tough.
    I hate to be blunt, but if you haven't got a private, individual bank account, set one up now and move as much of your money into it as possible. Sorry.
    EBC likes this.
  5. EBC

    EBC Occasional commenter

    That wasn't that bad Eleanorms.

    I've thought about it too!

    I feel the same. Love and frustration.
  6. frustum

    frustum Star commenter

    I find the new notes, kept in a pocket, do tend to roll themselves up. Not into a pure roll, without help, but they do lend themselves to being rolled. Fiddling with one absent-mindedly, you'd be more likely to roll it than fold it - try it (I just have - how sad am I?).
    I'd be wary of reading too much into just the note. Obviously you know him and I don't, though.
    EBC likes this.

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