1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.
  2. Hi Guest, welcome to the TES Community!

    Connect with like-minded professionals and have your say on the issues that matter to you.

    Don't forget to look at the how to guide.

    Dismiss Notice

Driving myself crazy...please help

Discussion in 'Health and wellbeing' started by vikingmaid, Feb 26, 2011.

  1. I suffer from anxiety and stress which is focused on health issues. It's just a living hell. The last few years I have had a berevement and we have come close to bankrupcy. My O/H has only recently retrained and I have worked two jobs(.7 and nightwork) and juggled small children etc.
    In the last month I have just gone through Ofsted and supported O/H as he has been off work with stress! I've been feeling really tired and dizzy and had a tummy bug. So what did I do but google this and now am convincied its a heart attack. I'm frightend to go to sleep but rational enough to know that its unlikely. Can anyone talk me down as I feel very low tonight.
     
  2. I suffer from anxiety and stress which is focused on health issues. It's just a living hell. The last few years I have had a berevement and we have come close to bankrupcy. My O/H has only recently retrained and I have worked two jobs(.7 and nightwork) and juggled small children etc.
    In the last month I have just gone through Ofsted and supported O/H as he has been off work with stress! I've been feeling really tired and dizzy and had a tummy bug. So what did I do but google this and now am convincied its a heart attack. I'm frightend to go to sleep but rational enough to know that its unlikely. Can anyone talk me down as I feel very low tonight.
     
  3. Vikingmaid, you are probably just panicking, which is totally understandable.
    If you are concerned get on the phone right away to NHS Direct - they can be brilliant in these situations! My Mum had a heart attack not long ago (not as in tonight, but a few months ago). She had the general chest pains but thought it was indigestion and took some tablets and went to bed, but then got the dizziness and shooting pains in her arm. She called NHS Direct and they were brilliant! So, if worried - get on the phone now, even if you feel silly they will calm you down, so then at least you can go to bed slightly less stressed.

    Sorry to hear that you've had such a rubbish few years - sounds like you have done an amazing job with all that you've had to put up with so you should be really chuffed with yourself. I don't think I could have coped with all of that, AND 2 jobs AND young children!
    Ring now and then let us know please!
     
  4. I don't want to project my own limitations on anyone else but you have a demanding job - one whch only thirty years ago, my lifetime, would have been the preserve of one partner, not both - plus aged parent problems, plus the house and children.
    WHY WOULD YOU NOT BE SHATTERED.
    I really am getting fed up with the constant stream of people - women is what I mean - who for some strange reason are finding it all a bit hard to cope with. Christ. Have you got a partner? Is he the father of your children? Is he really doing half? And half of what? Two people's jobs plus the job of the house and children? And the parents?
    Sorry to use this thread to apparently have a go at you but God, how much is a woman expected to do nowadays without feeling like a frigging failure for not doing it all?
     
  5. marshypops

    marshypops New commenter

    Because some of us were brought up to be "good girls" and do all the cleaning. looking after husband/ kids/ house etc. but they didn't tell us that it would be ok to slack off because we had full-time jobs too?
    I hope that doesn't sound like I'm having a go lily because I'm truly not but I have to say that I've been giving myself a hard time lately, it finally occurred to me that I felt guilty because of the values my grandmother instilled in me (nice going there gran). Realising this hasn't made me change but at least I can understand my guilt and put it down to parental brain washing.
     
  6. Which is fine if slacking off one area works out alright for you! Personally I find having a dirty untidy house, unsupervised children, readymeals, neglected parents, a weedy garden and no time to myself far worse than having no money, and if my husband had agreed with me, everything would have been dandy!
     
  7. marshypops

    marshypops New commenter

    I haven't/ can't hence the guilt if it's not perfect or knackered. I'm lucky when my kiddies were small I didn't work, had all the time I needed to look after them. the house and the garden, single handedly too.
    Now, the kids are grown up and are old enough to look after themselves but who feels bad if the kitchen isn't tidy (down to their untidiness)?
    Anyway I didn't post to have an arguement, just thought I'd add an observation.

    Learning that you can't have it all and that something has to give would be a good start ;)


     
  8. marshypops

    marshypops New commenter

    I should say that the "slacking" on my part is allowing someone else to do the cleaning or cooking occasionally.
    :)
     
  9. ok...
    i'm still alive and kicking! But will seek advice. Lily I totally agree with you women have tried to have it all, I was one of those feminists of the 70's and 80's who believed we could!
    I think you believe I'm some martyr who has too run a tight ship as well as have it all! I'm not. My O/H is very hands on, we share child care and housework as much as poss. But living in the sticks have big commutes to work on top.

    I'm not sure what you would suggest we do differently? We don't make enough extra for holidays and flash cars. I can't remenmber the last night out. Are you suggesting I stop work? Go on benefits for the sake of my health?

    A bit of useful advice and encouragement goes further...
     
  10. jonowen

    jonowen Occasional commenter

    Hi Vikingmaid
    Hope you are feeling a bit better today. I think I know how you feel as "the rich tapestry of life" is such that we all have ups and downs - I feel that I've had more downs than ups, but have trained myself to look on the positive instead of the negative if possible. It doesn't always work but as a good friend once said to me - remember that nothing bad lasts forever and if you look back over your life and pick out the good bits, then put the bad bits out of sight that should help.
    Do you enjoy reading? I'm guessing you do, so get yourself a good book and allow yourself some "me" time to really enjoy it. Libraries or 2nd hand shops mean it doesn't have to cost a lot, and Amazon have good deals.
    As to having it all - why not? That old saying "use it or lose it" is so true - to just give up is easy and sometimes giving up is not an option, no matter what others tell you about choice etc...etc...
    Hope I've helped a little!
    Joni x
     
  11. Asequested, in order of appearance:
    1. bereavement - nothing you can do about that except grieve.
    2. we have come close to bankrupcy - stressful, and ime the stress feelings don't just miraculously evaporate the minute the heat is off. They hang about and gang up with all the other ones.
    3. I have worked two jobs(.7 and nightwork) and juggled small children etc - very exhausting but if you need the money you need the money.
    4. In the last month I have just gone through Ofsted - nightmare even when everything else is hunky dory.
    5. supported O/H as he has been off work with stress - so presumably you have not felt in a position to show your own stress or promote your own needs.
    6. had a tummy bug - Just what you need when you're weak and exhausted already.
    7. am convinced its a heart attack - sounds more like a panic attack. When i had my first one I locked myself in a shop loo for two hours and was convinced I was having a heart attack. When my husband suffered from one he also believed he was having a heart attack (he would have preferred it I think) so I think it must be quite a common misconception. The sweating, shaking, choked-up throat, pounding heart and difficulty breathing are pretty much the symptoms of a heart attack.
    But I suspect you know it's all stress and panic-related. Are you seeing your GP? If you are already taking medication, s/he may be able to provide something like Diazepam to take alongside it for a short period until the worst of it passes.
    If there's nothing you can do to change all these things, you need some support - meds, counselling, support group - to help you deal with what can't be changed. At least you know that Ofsted won't be along again for a while! Sorry if I sounded unsympathetic - it's just that seeing it all written down made me wonder why anyone would not be wrecked with all that to put up with.
     
  12. You are right of course, seeing it put down like that it's a bloody miricle I'm not commiteed! Not any meds, have been down that road and made me feel worse. Reasurreance again from GP I suposse! thank's Lily.
     

Share This Page