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Don't know what to do...

Discussion in 'Personal' started by caress, Mar 23, 2016.

  1. caress

    caress Occasional commenter

    I posted before Xmas, some of you may remember I was having a very bad time and was in a very dark place which ended up with two attempts to check out permanently a fortnight apart, both of which fortunately failed but landed me in hospital. I was quickly discharged & am feeling almost back to normal. However, my friend also ODed in November & she is currently in a psychiatric ward and has been since her OD. The trouble is that she still feels very depressed and keeps getting in touch with people including me asking us to help her OD again, and help her to die. I don't know what to do, I'm very worried and I don't even know if I should get in touch with the hospital and tell them. I feel like I'm not strong enough myself to help her but the messages are upsetting me and I want to help, but how?
  2. FrankWolley

    FrankWolley Star commenter

    Helping someone kill themselves is a crime, so do not, whatever you do, ever, ever consider doing that. If you can, tell the hospital or the family of your friend.

    I would discuss this with experts, not on TES, but maybe the Samaritans...
    grumpydogwoman likes this.
  3. grumpydogwoman

    grumpydogwoman Star commenter

    Definitely tell the hospital!!!! Now!!!

    I know nothing about her but YOU don't need this. Hard as it is, this is what I would do. I would tell her that I need to recover and look after myself and I just can't take calls or messages from her at the moment. Then block her. Call it 'cruel to be kind'. But you are not responsible for her mental health. You wouldn't do anything to hurt her deliberately but I'd say the unit should be told. She may think it's a betrayal but, if you think it's best, you may have to do that.

    So my answer is that you help yourself FIRST. Then you ask the people best placed to help her (the unit) to do their bit. She may not thank you. She may hate you. But she's not thinking straight. You are starting to be yourself again.

    Rotten position to be in though. Best wishes.
    InkyP, HelenREMfan and foxtail3 like this.
  4. caress

    caress Occasional commenter

    I certainly would never do such a thing, or facilitate it in any way. I have been trying to bolster her up but it is not working.
    grumpydogwoman likes this.
  5. englishteach101

    englishteach101 Occasional commenter

    You have to help yourself before you can be strong enough to help others. Perhaps she's reaching out to you as she perceives you to be in the same boat, but you report feeling stronger and much more 'normal' (which is excellent by the way) but you can't allow this to bring you back down again as then you'll be no help to either her or yourself.

    I said something similar to a best friend recently and advised her to do much the same as other posters are advising here, it sounds horrible, but you need to prioritise yourself and tell someone who is in a position to help your friend what she's asking of you. It's not right for her to ask this of you.

    Stay positive, it sounds like a very hard situation, but focus on the positives, you are feeling better!

    Big hugs
    grumpydogwoman likes this.
  6. foxtail3

    foxtail3 Star commenter

    I agree with everything other posters have said. If you are emerging from that dark place, you don't need that to be stalled or put back.

    Your friend is in a psychiatric ward. They are the ones who will be treating her and they are best placed to do so. Recovering from a depression as severe as yours clearly was is difficult and you must continue to get back to your normal. The hospital's job is to work with your friend and to hopefully support her in getting to her normal.
    grumpydogwoman likes this.
  7. magic surf bus

    magic surf bus Star commenter

    You might not be the only person she is contacting with a view to ending it all, so surely it's important to notify the hospital about this development in order to keep her safe. The hospital probably won't discuss any detail with you because of confidentiality rules, but to my mind they should be told. I'm sure it won't be the first time they've heard of something like this. After that I'd suggest you block any communication with her that isn't on your terms.
  8. Flere-Imsaho

    Flere-Imsaho Star commenter

    Yes, tell the hospital but remember to seek help for yourself too. You need to be well before you can look at helping anyone else.

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