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Don't know how to carry on

Discussion in 'Personal' started by nans, Jan 6, 2011.

  1. Feeling so low and need some advice. In sept I started a new job. My colleagues are lovely but management is **** and behaviour poor. I was feeling great anxiety about going into work before Christmas, and worrying about how I was going to get through to the end of the year.

    My mum suffers from depression and over Christmas she has relapsed and become very unwell again. Yesterday (second day back) I had a massive meltdown at school, couldn't stop crying and shaking and was sent home. O visited mum and came back feeling quite positive.

    However this morning I am feeling really anxious and breathless again. Really getting panicky at the idea of standing in front of a class but don't want to let my school down, get a bad reputation (as I only started in sept) or worry my mum more. I feel as though she needs me to be ok, but I am not ok and can't seem to make myself ok.

    Please help.
     
  2. Feeling so low and need some advice. In sept I started a new job. My colleagues are lovely but management is **** and behaviour poor. I was feeling great anxiety about going into work before Christmas, and worrying about how I was going to get through to the end of the year.

    My mum suffers from depression and over Christmas she has relapsed and become very unwell again. Yesterday (second day back) I had a massive meltdown at school, couldn't stop crying and shaking and was sent home. O visited mum and came back feeling quite positive.

    However this morning I am feeling really anxious and breathless again. Really getting panicky at the idea of standing in front of a class but don't want to let my school down, get a bad reputation (as I only started in sept) or worry my mum more. I feel as though she needs me to be ok, but I am not ok and can't seem to make myself ok.

    Please help.
     
  3. NellyFUF

    NellyFUF Lead commenter

    Go to school and prepare to be a bit weepy. Talk to your line manager and other supportive persons. It's OK to be a bit depressed. New jobs are hard. Look forward to coming home tonight - it is only a few hours and we can cope with anything for a short period.
    Or
    Ring in sick and go talk to your GP and if you feel you need to, tell school you have flu.
    Don't feel you are the only person in the world to feel like this. But make this small decision today and then deal with tomorrow when it comes.
    XXXXXXXXXXXXXX
     
  4. Hi, Sorry to hear this.
    Is it the school that is making you like this or is it the idea of teaching?
    If it is the school I strongly suggest you start looking for another job.
    How about you talk to your HoD about this? He/she may be able to offer detailed advice related to your problem.

     
  5. Big hug nans -
    How much help and support is your mum getting? Are you the only one caring for her? Is this the reason you say she needs you to be ok? I think that this might be the underlying reason for your anxiety and this situation needs to be addressed first. Is there anyone you can talk to about her depression?
    There are a lot of people here who have experience of this illness that you can talk to and can help you.
    As to the school - talk to your HoD if you feel you can, I am sure you would meet with a sympathetic response.
    I wish you luck - take care of yourself.
    X
     
  6. Hi and thanks for your replies, they are very reassuring.
    I have managed to get through the day at school (although felt as though I wasn't really managing my classes very effectively). My HoD and head are aware of the situation (they had to be as I basically burst into tears yesterday at 8.30am and was unable to teach, so I had to let them know what was going on.)
    I am defnitely going to look for another job for next year because I love teaching, just don't want to be practising crowd control all the time. At the moment though, just getting through each day is a struggle, let alone thinking about next year!
    My dad is the one caring for mum at the moment, but although I don't live with them, I know that a lot of mum's anxiety is related to me. This is partly my fault in a way as, because mum has been so much better for many years now, I have been sharing my anxiety about school with her. Unfortunately, however, this has been one of the factors causing her to become ill again. This therefore means that I cannot consider getting signed off from work or anything like that because it would make mum worse. I am an only child and very close to my parents so it feels unnatural not to share stuff with mum, but I guess am going to have to keep lying to her about how **** work is.

    Ho hum.

    Nansx
     
  7. Yes, keep lying to her. Knowing your child is unhappy is a severe downer to any loving parent. You can come on here and moan about work!
    Don't tell your employer you have flu if you need time off. If you ended up needing more than a week, your GP would have to sign your sicknote "depression" and make you look like a liar.
    Hating your job and worrying about your mother are both awful on their own. I'm glad you've decided to leave - having a plan is positive and gives you something longer-term to focus on - but do consider asking your GP for some treatment for your depression. The school won't suddenly require less riot control and your Mum won't suddenly get better, so taking control of how you manage the symptoms is all that's left.
     

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