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Doesn't get much more personal than faeces, does it?

Discussion in 'Personal' started by grumpydogwoman, Oct 5, 2015.

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  1. grumpydogwoman

    grumpydogwoman Star commenter

    Right. Who's done their own FOB test?
    Faecal Occult Blood.

    Any tips on the easiest way to do it? I read the leaflet and I think I can make it a bit simpler but what do you think?

    My idea is just to stick the 'stick' up (well, not RIGHT up) my bum and swish it about. Seems less fuss than the methods suggested.

    Does anyone know why not? Thank'ee kindly.
  2. Mangleworzle

    Mangleworzle Star commenter

    Is this some kind of witchcraft?
  3. grumpydogwoman

    grumpydogwoman Star commenter

    It's the test for early detection of bowel cancer. I am now 60 so hurrah! Routine screening.

    I get do to my own FOB test!
  4. BobbyPhilips

    BobbyPhilips Established commenter

    you don't get a valid stool sample. Why not just follow the detailed instructions?
  5. magic surf bus

    magic surf bus Star commenter

    Do the test manufacturers have a Faecebook page you can get advice from?
    solvacrime, Dunteachin and snowyhead like this.
  6. InkyP

    InkyP Star commenter

    I kind of pooed onto a wad of tissue - you need to get a bit from the middle. :eek:
    grumpydogwoman likes this.
  7. Dunteachin

    Dunteachin Star commenter

    Flamin' Nora! Too much information!
    I'm two thirds of the way through mine. Not pleasant.

    On a serious note, Lynda Bellingham's came back negative, I think, so it's not 100% reliable, at all. My dad died of bowel cancer at 63, having ignored some symptoms, I suspect. I have a colonoscopy every three years. :eek:
  8. HelenREMfan

    HelenREMfan Star commenter

    Oh the joys of being over 60!

    You TOO can discover the delights of this test!

    Considering all the horse manure I cleared/collected over the years (the ex ran a worm farming sideline business for a while and we needed loads of neat horsesh*t) it doesn't become me to be squeamish. I never understood people being mard over nappies as I far preferred dealing with nappies rather than baby sick ....eeeek the smell of that.

    Soooooo my method for poop collection.... I used an Asda carrier bag stretched over the loo - neat, easy method from which I could select the desired slice of the stool and then easily dispose of the remainder i.e. tip it out, then dispose of used carrier bag. Easy peasy.......
  9. Dunteachin

    Dunteachin Star commenter

    I said two THIRDS....
    grumpydogwoman likes this.
  10. grumpydogwoman

    grumpydogwoman Star commenter

    Helen is winning so far. Great method. Can anyone better that?

    As long as you don't stretch the bag too taut. That wouldn't be good.

    You guys are awesome!
  11. rosievoice

    rosievoice Star commenter

    In the absence of an Asda carrier bag (5p now!) I suppose clingfilm could be pressed into service.
  12. guinnesspuss

    guinnesspuss Star commenter

    Not sure what would be pressed
  13. xena-warrior

    xena-warrior Star commenter

    WHAT? You wait until you are ready to sh1t. You park yourself, you hold some bogroll in a strategic position, you scrape some effluvia into a bottle.
    You discover if you are suffering from a terminal disease. Free.
    How anyone could possibly consider that a waste of their time and effort is so far beyond me I can't even carry on typing.
  14. xena-warrior

    xena-warrior Star commenter

    OK I might be over-reacting but my oldest friend died of bowel cancer because she found the test distasteful and put it in the bin.
  15. PlymouthMaid

    PlymouthMaid Occasional commenter

    Crikey, another use for the endangered carrier bag, I will file away this useful snippet for when the time comes. I often wondered what you all got up to in your spare time :)
  16. Mangleworzle

    Mangleworzle Star commenter

    You could invest in one of those German toilets with an inspection platform.
    solvacrime and Lara mfl 05 like this.
  17. Motherofchikkins

    Motherofchikkins Star commenter

    I was told to poo into a clean ice-cream carton and then grab the bit you want.
  18. grumpydogwoman

    grumpydogwoman Star commenter

    I think I'll do the plastic bag over the seat.

    I still don't see why wiping the stick up round your back passage wouldn't work though.
  19. Dunteachin

    Dunteachin Star commenter

    You could do some damage, grumpy!
  20. Lara mfl 05

    Lara mfl 05 Star commenter

    These are great. Easier to clean too!
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