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Do you need your class to love you?

Discussion in 'Personal' started by lindenlea, Nov 28, 2015.

  1. lindenlea

    lindenlea Star commenter

    Quote from Secret teacher article in the Guardian
    "but one of the benefits of teaching year 2 is that they love you and they tell you that, which makes all the hours of painstaking planning, resourcing and assessing worthwhile."
    I don't think i ever actually felt like that. i worked with staff who went all out to make a strong emotional bond with the children but I always found it a touch creepy.
    I got my satisfaction from seeing my hours of preparation turn into something learnt.
    Full article here.
  2. lanokia

    lanokia Star commenter

    In secondary?

    Hell no.

    Fear me? Maybe ;)
  3. Lascarina

    Lascarina Star commenter

    A lot of it is a waste of time and energy and only required for accountability so it is rarely worthwhile anyway.
    aspensquiver likes this.
  4. lindenlea

    lindenlea Star commenter

    The article describes how the class said they didn't want to move on to Y3. That makes her a failure in my eyes. i hope she grows up before she has her own children - it's all about the letting go.
  5. Lascarina

    Lascarina Star commenter

    Maybe there was a terrible dragon teaching Y3.
    aspensquiver likes this.
  6. Nuuk

    Nuuk Occasional commenter

    No, definitely not. Respect on both sides was always my aim. Although I only ever taught secondary.
    Ladykaza and Lara mfl 05 like this.
  7. InkyP

    InkyP Star commenter

    Ks1 children will love you whatever. I did a teaching practice in Reception where the teacher was a horrible old dragon but the children still seemed to love her and were desperate to please.
  8. Orkrider2

    Orkrider2 Star commenter

    Not just KS1, my Yr6s used to get quite attached to you too. I didn't want them to love me as such, but I expected them to respect me and hoped that by the end of the year, after spending the best part of 30 hours a week together, they didn't actively hate me. I used to get quite attached to them, even the ones I didn't really like that much and, with the exception of one year when I had a particularly horrible and difficult class who I was frankly sick of the sight of, I was always sad when they moved on to Secondary.
    I didn't ever go out of my way to make them like me, or form a bond with them, I think I'm just the kind of person that kids seem to like. :D
    nick909 likes this.
  9. Flere-Imsaho

    Flere-Imsaho Star commenter

    You need a positive relationship but love? That would be a bit scary.
    Pupils always prefer what they know. Even at Secondary they will act up and moan and complain but then they say they want you again next year - usually when you are just hoping they will leave!
    Lara mfl 05 and aspensquiver like this.
  10. lexus300

    lexus300 Star commenter

    Mutual respect is the ingredient that I found most useful/beneficial for them and me.
    Ladykaza likes this.
  11. InkyP

    InkyP Star commenter

    With younger children you don't have to 'need' them to love you or even want them to, they just do. As a Reception teacher you are also the fount of all knowledge and wisdom. I used to get parents coming to ask me to tell their child something they had already told them because they would only believe it if I said it.
  12. NellyFUF

    NellyFUF Lead commenter

    Yes. Little children love everybody in power over them. It's like that hostage thing isn't it. I forget what it is called.
    Over the summer I have been frequently in the park with grandchildren. When I sit down to play with them I am often joined by other small children. I seem to be magnetic. A group forms around me. I start wondering if I should start a singing session or perhaps, tell a story....
    If I am not careful I find them creeping close to me and resting on my arm, trying to sneak under my arm for a snuggle.
    Yeuk. Get off small children. I no longer like you. Go away and play with someone else.
  13. nick909

    nick909 Star commenter

    Coming from an upper KS2 perspective, it's more important that the children know you like them. Who wants to do anything for someone they think doesn't like them?

    It's not important that they like you but they'll generally do a lot more for you if they do. Mutual respect is more important but it's possible to be both authoritative and likeable.

    When you spend about 30 hours a week in the same room as someone, it does help to build up a friendly rapport. Like @Orkrider2 , I've built up a bit of a bond with most of the Y6 classes I've taught by the time they toddle off to secondary.

    Not love though. That's weird.
    Lalad and Lara mfl 05 like this.
  14. foxtail3

    foxtail3 Star commenter

    I wanted to like them (and mostly did) and I hoped for mutual respect, but I really didn't want them to be upset when they moved on. That says much more about the neediness of the teacher.

    The best relationships were in secondary.
  15. bombaysapphire

    bombaysapphire Star commenter

    That article was all about the neediness of the teacher. Even in secondary, how well a class perform is all about the relationship they have with you. I don't expect to be loved though. I want my classes to feel that I have their best interests at heart. Part of that is making sure that they are ready to move on.
  16. monicabilongame

    monicabilongame Star commenter

    A lot of my KS3 used to end up liking me despite my best efforts to the contrary. I was strict, firm, took no prisoners, sometimes witheringly sarcastic (year 9 & 10 mostly), never smiled, never laughed (except when I really couldn't help it) and had NO favourites. Despite this, and me telling them regularly that I was NOT their friend, I was their TEACHER, I would get told regularly that I was actually really nice and not scary at all, and someone's favourite every year. Still don't know what I was doing wrong!
    sabrinakat likes this.
  17. wanet

    wanet Star commenter

    Some time ago i lost my tutor group half way through a year due to the comitments of a new role. i thought that they would be delighted, but the thought I hated them and had abandoned them. Kids are strange.
  18. Sillow

    Sillow Lead commenter

    I agree there is no need for pupils to love a teacher, but a mutual respect and some kind of positive relationship is required for the best teaching/learning atmosphere. Even when I taught my Year 6 class with some tough kids in it, we ultimately enjoyed spending time with each other because we respected each other and I was careful to be very fair in how I dealt with all of them.

    That said, having my little ones now throw their arms around me and tell me how much they love me can be a boost on an otherwise bad day. :)
  19. sabrinakat

    sabrinakat Star commenter

    I'm a pastoral tutor in KS3 (years 7 and 8) and yes, I do want the students to like me, but have to also be strict as well. 'Love', nope - I'd like to be considered a big sister (from the pastoral side) but you'd better have your prep (homework) done!
  20. InkyP

    InkyP Star commenter

    Stockholm syndrome?

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