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Do you bring up your kids as you were raised?

Discussion in 'Personal' started by eggnchips, Apr 20, 2011.

  1. I have taken some bits but left behind a great deal.
     
  2. Very similar but a more liberal attitude towards sex and rock 'n' roll
     
  3. Again, very similar. More humour and more trust and certainly a more liberal attitude but the basics are the same: good manners, consideration tfor others, honesty and a good work ethic among others. It is interesting to see these values being passed on to my grandchildren too -
     
  4. doomzebra

    doomzebra Occasional commenter

    Hell, no
     
  5. With similar values, yes.
    But the differences between us in other ways would make bringing them up as I was raised impossible.
     
  6. In some ways. I try hard to be fair, which is the thing I felt most bitter about when I was a child. I explain things honestly with as little bullsh1t as I can - again something that was a source of continual irritation to me as a child.
    In fact I seem to have looked at ways in which I believed my childhood to have been unsatisfactory and tried to do it differently for my own children. Similarly, things I think benefited me - benign neglect, the habit of obedience, routine and truthfulness for example - I continued with mine. I didn't slap them as often as I got slapped, and it was a last resort for defiance rather than the default punishment for everything.
     
  7. Lol, what he said!
     
  8. I'd like to say mostly no but I daily hear my mother words coming out of my mouth.
     
  9. no belts or wooden spoons involved this time round!
     
  10. Quite. I'm very pleased and relived to say that there is not even the slightest similarity to my parenting style and my fathers. It's a conscious thing.
     
  11. Ah yes, I forgot the bit about being fair - I made sure my children were treated fairly with no favouritism and certianly never hit them with the dog lead which is what my mother used when my siblings and I got too fast for her - she had a deadly aim!
     
  12. Bloody hell Cosmos, you should be out burgling, mugging and doing drugs.
    How can you be so, well normal.
    Probably the same as the rest of us here, no-one gave you excuses not to be.
     
  13. No similarity at all. I turned out (relatively) ok despite my mother's dodgy parenting. My child won't be permanently nervous around me, that's for sure.
     
  14. No, hence my kids are succeeding now rather than waiting till they are middle aged. They also have confidence and can stand up for what they believe in etc.
     
  15. pretty much- encourage independence, free thought, self belief, but with a lot more hugs, and never the condidtional love threat my dad threw at me at times. Also, to my shame, my kids get away with being lazy far more than I did. We had plenty of chores- in fact my sister practically ran the house- cooking meals from 8 years old, getting Mum up for work and having her breakfast ready. Having written that,maybe they were too much one way, and mine are too much the other- as in they really don't do many chores, but I would have preferred somewhere in the middle.
    Mum once called me into her bedroom ( she spent practically all day Sunday in bed reading) to switch off her light which was operated by a string that was positioned just above her head- literally a matter of reaching up and pulling it. Found it maddening at the time.
     
  16. In many ways I will be a similar mum to my mother, but I think my husband will be a different father than my dad. It is a balance of the good both of our upbringings and going against the bad in both of them as well.

    We were raised to be polite, respectful and spent a lot of time outdoors. My mum was firm but fair. However, when we were older she took too much interest in our weight and made us very weight conscious. We were also bought up to have a 'stiff upper lip' and not talk about our feelings which led to problems for me later on. I want my children to be able to talk to me more than I could my parents.
     
  17. voodoo child

    voodoo child New commenter

    No way. My mother was very lazy and unsuited to being a parent. I had to get myself up for school when I was little while she stayed in bed. I ended up having to parent her which was not good. I give my child unconditional love and support when needed.
     
  18. For me there are some similarities but we are a closer family. For my OH very different. His parents didn't have a lot to do with his upbringing. Maid followed by boarding school from 6 yrs old. So he is very hands on now. As he says "it's so hard bring up parents".
     
  19. Chica77

    Chica77 New commenter

    My parents were good parents, i think....well, they still are! I hope to be as good a mum as my mum was/is. I suppose my dad was your stereotypical man, doing nothing to help at home, didn't change our nappies and all that kind of stuff, so in that respect my husband is nothing like him. I think my parents pushed us quite hard at school and so on, but i suppose that didn't do me any harm.
    My husband's parents, on the other hand...let's hope we're not like them! His dad disappeared when my husband was 4 and he didn't meet him again until he was 17, and now we see him maybe once a year, and he's only an hour away. He's seen our nearly 2 year old son 3 times since he was born, and then writes moaning statuses on Facebook about how no-one bothers with him! Pathetic! His mum did a good job of bringing up 3 kids on her own, but she's been married 3 times and I find her quite selfish. She's the opposite of my parents - didn't push her kids enough! As a result my 31 year old sister-in-law has been out of work for over 2 years and she's still living at home yet their mum still gives her money to go out with her mates and so on.
     
  20. I loved my childhood and my parents were great and did lots with us though still giving us the freedom to be independent. I was smacked as a child and wouldn't smack my own child.

    I did wear godawful massive glasses throughout my teens, so if my kid ends up bespectacled I will try to avoid those.

    Liked Lily's phrase "benign neglect". I hope my boy won't be mollycoddled too much.
     

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