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Do we get any say in when governors etc are told?

Discussion in 'Pregnancy' started by sarah9, Jul 11, 2011.

  1. Hi all,
    I am 16 weeks pg. I have made my news known to members of staff, after 12 week scan, but have told all of them to keep it to staff only as I don't want parents and children knowing until at least I've had the 20 week anomaly scan and know all is definitely ok. This is what I thought I'd made clear to head as well.
    There was a governor's meeting last week and nothing was mentioned to me about there being plans to tell the governing body about my pregnancy yet. Now I do understand that plans will have to be put into place for my maternity cover all being well, but I'm weeks away from handing in formal written notice and am deliberately waiting until after the anomoly scan. Well after this governors meeting I had several parent governors (including parents of kids I teach) approach me congratulating me, and I know they mean well but it's just a shock to me that they all know. It's made worse by the fact that one of the parent governors used to be a staff governor last year (a TA) and I had to go for a medical appointment to be scanned for suspected PCOS, before I got pg last year, I'd left a post it note to remind myself to drink water before I left, literally 'drink water at 2.00pm', this TA/governor covered my class for the last hour and saw my note and jumped to the conclusion that I was pg and spread the gossip round several parents, including Chair of Governors, who then confronted Head about whether it was true! So I really feel that this governor in particular is not trustworthy to keep the news to himself.
    Oh, maybe I am being a bit silly, hopefully all will be well and and won't matter if it becomes common knowledge sooner than my scan. I think I'm more sensitive beause I only found out about my mmc last year at the 12 week scan, so I'm petrified that scans will show bad news rather than good, and hate the thought of loads of parents etc knowing my business and saying awkward things if things were to go wrong.
    I know I am very hormonal at the moment so it's possible that I'm being totally unreasonable, your thoughts would be welcome!
    Thanks, Sarah x
  2. It sounds very frustrating that your news has been told by someone else! However now that word is out everyone will be looking at your tummy and wondering whether they should say anything... I expect all will be fine at the anomaly scan but I empathise with your anxiety. I feel the same way. I really want a Mexican bola necklace but keep telling myself it's a post-20 week scan treat. This is unhealthy I am sure. The consultant has told me to stop thinking the worst, be positive and assume all will go well. Easy to say but hard to do. Sorry I can not offer advice re: governors. To be honest, it sounds like it is too late now that he knows but I am sure your baby will be fine. I thought that the Down's screening result was the test that showed high risk/fatal issues. Doesn't the anomaly scan then assess the formation of baby's organs? I thought they did this in order to operate post-natally rather than offer a t... (can't even bear to type it from fear of a problem!)
    From experience I have had massive mood swings which are hormonal but everyone else speaks their mind so why shouldn't I? I have always been the one to meekly tread on eggshells around people but sod them now! My day has come!! (Hormonal outburst - sorry...)
  3. just wanted to give you a big hug.
    I was in a different situation as I told the governors myself (I was one) because I resigned from the body - I was about 17 weeks at this meeting. But I was also obviously pregnant and had been from 10 weeks(ish)
    Two more people are pregnant at work and the head told the governors at the full governors in the summer term - it all seems a bit unfair on them. one is 16 weeks and doesn't look pregnant at all.
    To stop the round of rumours that you think the TA'governor might spread would you be willing to tell children/parents yourself earlier? (Just a thought - obviously it is your decision)

  4. Thanks both of you for your replies.
    Although I am perhaps getting a bit rounder in my belly, that has always been the area in which I store fat, and my weight has fluctuated quite a lot over the last few years so I don't think parents or kids would guess just yet- though I know I will be much bigger come September.
    I think I just had it in my head that it was my news/business for now and that no-one except the people I wanted to know would know until after I have the anomaly scan and I give written notification by 25 weeks- which I do intend to do a bit sooner than that, as soon as anomaly scan shows all is ok.
    FS- Unfortunately I personally know of 3 people who have had bad news on 20 week scan that wasn't yet evident at 12 week scan and have made the decision to terminate as a result. Of course I know that compared to the number of healthy babies that are seen at the 20 week scan there aren't many sad cases, but I just feel that as it's kind of happened to me before, it would be just typical for it to happen again. Also, the Down's screening test is only a measured risk-someone will always be that 1 in xx, and I've also heard that these screening tests only pick up approx 80% of at risk trisomy disorders. Really sorry if I'm stressing anyone else out with this, but if things were to go wrong the fewer people that knew about my pg the earier it would be for me to cope with if that makes sense.
    I am thinking of speaking to the Head tomorrow and asking her to not tell anyoe else without letting me know first- she has been great in almost every respect about my pg so far, i'm surprised she spoke about it at Governors without telling me first really. I will have to stay calm and unemotional though-FS snap same here I've been very outspoken and quite irritable lately very out of character.
  5. Hi Sarah, I know that many women who are lucky not to experience loss or problematic pregnancies can breeze through without too much stress. It is so sad that you know three people who got to 20 weeks and found out fatal issues. I have been stressing about everything, including that my Mum's first baby was stillborn, and the consultant told me not to worry about every possible eventuality. Of course, I still do but I try not to. Losing a baby takes the innocence and joy from an otherwise healthy pregnancy but it is only natural. And those who haven't been in that situation do not understand or even try to understand in my experience. If anything were to happen to my baby I would not return to my job as I am a nursery teacher surrounded by newborn siblings of the children I teach. It was unbearable until I conceived again and I would not put myself in the position of having to cope. That is why I have happily announced my news to all, if that makes sense?
    I think speaking to your Head as soon as possible is the best way to stop the news spreading. When is your anomaly scan?
    Take care xx
  6. hi sarah. I remember your story from last year. So massive congrats to you. I think it's unrealistic to ask your head not to tell anyone else, they won't know who has told who etc and it will become increasingly obvious. I was showing from about 9 weeks which made a mockery of not telling people before 12 week scan. As you well know horrible things do happen at every stage. I know a head teacher who had a still birth many years ago. On the other side i had a lucky escape myself - which is something we don.t give much thought to these days. Stop stressing about what other people think, do or say and start enjoying every exciting stage you are experiencing. much easier said than done i totally appreciate. I hope the rest of your pregnancy is a smooth ride. Sr and lo 5 months
  7. Hi Sarah,
    Have the Govs definitely been told exactly? The reason I ask is because a colleague of mine was pg about 2years ago and she told head and a few staff quite early as she worried about illnesses in school. The head then informed Govs that<u> A</u> member of staff was pg in order to plan in advance. She did not mention which member of staff she was talking about so the Govs jumped to the conclusion it was me (been married the longest time). I was confronted by a parent and found out one Gov had spread the information to parents and I was the talk of the playground! I went to the head who was surprised it had been discussed outside Govs and confronted the individual concerned. - Could it have got out of hand like this? I didn't even know this colleague was pg at this point!
    You are probably completely right but I just thought I would highlight how it might have spiraled.
    Hope everything goes well for you.
  8. I think the point comes at which you have to think about the probabilities. FWIW in terms of 'real life' I know someone who had a late miscarriage and someone else whose baby died of a heart condition at 6 months that was not picked up on the 20 week scan anyway. What I am trying to say is there us always something to worry about even when children are grown up. With my first I was more anxious after she was born than at sny point during pregnancy. Please try to relax and believe that the chances are everything will be OK.
  9. Thanks for the new replies.
    FS, yes, you understand exactly, once you've lost one it does make you more stressy even though you don't want to be, and no matter how much you try to remind yourself of the good chances of success... I have mentioned it to a couple of ladies at work and they were very understanding, especially gaven the situation with the Governor who took it upon himself to spread gossip last year that I was pg when I wasn't.
    Yes, I know that things could go wrong at any time and the anomaly scan is no gaurantee, but it would just have been nice to feel that I was a bit more in control of when things were announced at Governors meetings etc. Sorry can't remember who asked but yes it was definitely announced that I am pg and the month I intend to start mat leave. That happened at 2 and a half weeks from end of term, my scan is in holidays and I know that I will be feeling a lot more positive and confident about things if all is ok at scan and if baby is moving by then etc. It just feels like a shame that it couldn't have waited, esp as Head has told me that I don't have to tell parents or kids until I want to, I didn't expect her to announce it at Gov's meeeting.
    Anyway, it can't be changed now, and I don't want to upset Head as she has a lot on her mind at the mo, so I've decided just to let it go.
  10. Hi Sarah, I think you have done the right thing. I also think that we have no control whatsoever about the future success of our pregnancies but need to have a sense of control over ourselves and other people. I wonder if this has contributed to your feelings towards this situation as suddenly the Head was the one with the power and information which exacerbates your lack of control. Either way, it was frustrating and unnecessary! Just an idea xx

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