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Do I have cause to feel a bit miffed?

Discussion in 'Personal' started by sciencequeen00, Jun 5, 2012.

  1. sciencequeen00

    sciencequeen00 New commenter

    My partner and I have been together 4 years, get on really well have been saving for a mortgage for 2 years and we are almost there! Both quite layed back, love each other very much and work hard in our careers! Aim to buy a house towards end of year. Admit to feel a bit miffed about certain family situations currently happening. My brother and his new girlfriend, been together almost 1 year. She has come out of a 10year relationship and met my brother straight away. New girlfriend appeared to be quite nice to begin with and partner and I have tried hard with her. Trouble is the centre of her universe is herself and she is quite self centred and only really talks about herself and what her and my bro are doing....When we all get together as a family she is centre of attention and wants to be heard all the time and I find my Mum does pander to her and doesn’t want to upset her (she has mentioned she has noticed what I have seen as well though!!).The girlfriend is taking exams at the moment and I have never heard so much discussion around this. I do appreciate she is working hard for these and respect this but it seems this has taken over her and my bros life. Last year my partner and I both got promoted in our jobs, I was very proud to be promoted as had wanted the job for a long time. I didn’t make a huge fuss about it but I was very nervous for interview and got the job! I was so pleased and my partner also got promoted in his job to :). Obviously parents proud of us but we kept it quite low key. The thing which hurts is that my Mum didn’t really tell any of my family, they found out as I told them a few months later myself. But the thing which also hurts is that my partner and I didn’t really get any kind of recognition..... But this new girlfriend who is taking her exams gets a good luck card and bottle of champers for her and my bro when she finishes.....My mum got us to sign her card today, I just put good luck and we signed our names. My partner and I went round to parents yesterday for a bbq. My bro and gf couldn’t make it as gf has exams to revise for plus my bro plays on the "cost" of petrol to get to them- fair enough! My parent’s compromise and offer to go to them and take them out for a meal instead- they agree to this. Yesterday at bbq they role up to see my parents, atmosphere changes and they are talking in kitchen about something- as usual she dominates conversation.....we are left on our own for ages and both feel kind of relegated!! We both sense gf is quite rude to us and for some reason has become a bit snobby and acts like she is better than us, she does slip in quite a few rude remarks now and again and I find her uncomfortable to talk to at times but do try to get along with her when I see her! We go in to see where everyone is and turns out they want to buy a shared ownership place and wants parent’s money for a deposit!!!! This is typical of my bro he only really visits when wants something (Mum also commented on this). Parents also lent my bro £5000 earlier in year for a brand new car for which he pays back £100 a month..... But this hasn’t stopped him booking a Caribbean holiday in September! I just feel miffed as they both seem to get treated quite differently to me and my partner, I am keen to say something but want to think this through before I steam in. We are both happy to save for our own mortgage but the issue is more about how we are treated and how this new gf seems to be pandered to.
     
  2. sciencequeen00

    sciencequeen00 New commenter

    My partner and I have been together 4 years, get on really well have been saving for a mortgage for 2 years and we are almost there! Both quite layed back, love each other very much and work hard in our careers! Aim to buy a house towards end of year. Admit to feel a bit miffed about certain family situations currently happening. My brother and his new girlfriend, been together almost 1 year. She has come out of a 10year relationship and met my brother straight away. New girlfriend appeared to be quite nice to begin with and partner and I have tried hard with her. Trouble is the centre of her universe is herself and she is quite self centred and only really talks about herself and what her and my bro are doing....When we all get together as a family she is centre of attention and wants to be heard all the time and I find my Mum does pander to her and doesn’t want to upset her (she has mentioned she has noticed what I have seen as well though!!).The girlfriend is taking exams at the moment and I have never heard so much discussion around this. I do appreciate she is working hard for these and respect this but it seems this has taken over her and my bros life. Last year my partner and I both got promoted in our jobs, I was very proud to be promoted as had wanted the job for a long time. I didn’t make a huge fuss about it but I was very nervous for interview and got the job! I was so pleased and my partner also got promoted in his job to :). Obviously parents proud of us but we kept it quite low key. The thing which hurts is that my Mum didn’t really tell any of my family, they found out as I told them a few months later myself. But the thing which also hurts is that my partner and I didn’t really get any kind of recognition..... But this new girlfriend who is taking her exams gets a good luck card and bottle of champers for her and my bro when she finishes.....My mum got us to sign her card today, I just put good luck and we signed our names. My partner and I went round to parents yesterday for a bbq. My bro and gf couldn’t make it as gf has exams to revise for plus my bro plays on the "cost" of petrol to get to them- fair enough! My parent’s compromise and offer to go to them and take them out for a meal instead- they agree to this. Yesterday at bbq they role up to see my parents, atmosphere changes and they are talking in kitchen about something- as usual she dominates conversation.....we are left on our own for ages and both feel kind of relegated!! We both sense gf is quite rude to us and for some reason has become a bit snobby and acts like she is better than us, she does slip in quite a few rude remarks now and again and I find her uncomfortable to talk to at times but do try to get along with her when I see her! We go in to see where everyone is and turns out they want to buy a shared ownership place and wants parent’s money for a deposit!!!! This is typical of my bro he only really visits when wants something (Mum also commented on this). Parents also lent my bro £5000 earlier in year for a brand new car for which he pays back £100 a month..... But this hasn’t stopped him booking a Caribbean holiday in September! I just feel miffed as they both seem to get treated quite differently to me and my partner, I am keen to say something but want to think this through before I steam in. We are both happy to save for our own mortgage but the issue is more about how we are treated and how this new gf seems to be pandered to.
     
  3. Dunteachin

    Dunteachin Star commenter

    Stop whingeing and go and watch the fly-past! It all sounds very childish.
     
  4. doomzebra

    doomzebra Occasional commenter

    Dear Lord, how old are you?
     
  5. sciencequeen00

    sciencequeen00 New commenter

    Maybe but I would like to see what others say and gather a few more opinions on something which is quite important to me!
     
  6. doomzebra

    doomzebra Occasional commenter

    It sounds as if you are being incredibly childish
     
  7. giraffe

    giraffe New commenter

    Sounds like fairly normal for families, I'm afraid.
    Save yourself the annoyance of being involved in their events and arrangements and go and see your mum when they aren't going to be there.
    Try not to find out about their finances - it will only make you feel more annoyed.
    Try not to complain about them to your mum, but do let her know, in as objective a manner as you can, that you find the girlfriend in question to be unfairly taking advantage. Don't upset your mum about it, but explaining your feelings will hopefully make it clear to her that you want to avoid seeing or hearing about the couple.
    Then put it all out of your mind and get on with enjoying your own life.
     
  8. sciencequeen00

    sciencequeen00 New commenter

    why do you say that?
     
  9. ROSIEGIRL

    ROSIEGIRL Lead commenter

    Get on with your lives and be proud of what you do.
    It's really not worth the time and energy to be jealous.
     
  10. doomzebra

    doomzebra Occasional commenter

    Because of your petty jealousy about how your mum and dad are treating your brother and his partner - what does it matter? how does it affect your life?
     
  11. sciencequeen00

    sciencequeen00 New commenter

    It upsets me that we get treated so differently when we are the couple who treat my parents with alot more respect and kindness! It effects my life as my parents always told me and my bro to work hard and not have hand- outs!!!
     
  12. doomzebra

    doomzebra Occasional commenter

    and did mummy give your brother more chips for his tea?
     
  13. sciencequeen00

    sciencequeen00 New commenter

    If you have nothing to add to this apart from that then please dont comment! You might need to reread the post but it clearly states a few major turns in our lives such as the jobs and exams and the way we get treated when they are around, if you feel this is normal then fine but I dont and will get the the bottom of this. :)

     
  14. dozymare1957

    dozymare1957 Occasional commenter

    It doesn't matter how old she is, she's feeling hurt.
    My
    mum favoured my brother over my sister and me. Then she favoured my
    sons over my daughter and my sister's daughters. I never worked
    out why. In the last six months of her life she realised that my sister and
    I loved her desperately and that my brother didn't care about anyone
    but himself. I was lucky because my sister and I used to laugh about it together.
    OP and her bf, whom she loves, are both being put into second place below her brother and his gf, who doesn't appear to be a very nice person TBH. It's a double whammy for her. She wants her mum to love her bf because she does and she feels that her parents favour her brother's gf over her bf.
    OP your BF loves you and you have a great life together and a fantastic future planned. Be proud of yourselves for all your hard work. Everything you achieve will be as a result of your efforts.
    Regarding the gf. Feel sorry for her. She's obviously deeply lacking in self esteem so has to big herself up! Also, feel sorry for her having to put up with your brother. Feel sorry for him having to put up with her!
    I think that your mum is secure in your love and that of your BF. She's not secure about your son and feels the need to pamper him and pander to his GF to gain their love. Continue to show your parents how much you love them. Be as nice as possible to your bro and his GF but remember you choose your friends; you don't choose your family. You're stuck with them!
    Congratulations to both of you on your promotions. Have a happy life together and try not to let other people's thoughtlessness get to you.


     
  15. ROSIEGIRL

    ROSIEGIRL Lead commenter

    There are 3 things you can do -
    1. Talk to your parents about it
    2. Talk to your brother about it
    3. Concentrate on doing what you know is right - live your life.
    1 and 2 are very tricky and have the potential to escalate the situation and make things much worse.
    I'd go for 3.
     
  16. doomzebra

    doomzebra Occasional commenter

    So you just wanted people to agree with you? It wasn't a genuine question? Further childishness.
    If you wanted people to make a fuss about you getting through the interview, you should have made a fuss about it yourself (see I did read your post).
     
  17. A good luck card and champagne hardly equates to a lifetime of handouts. Do try to rise above it or risk being labelled as self centred and needy as your brother's girlfriend.
     
  18. sciencequeen00

    sciencequeen00 New commenter

    I feel that my Mum panders to this difficult gf and maybe makes even more effort
     
  19. I don't think you are being childish and can understand your annoyance but also feel that there isn't much you can do unfortunately.
     
  20. ROSIEGIRL

    ROSIEGIRL Lead commenter

    I think dozymare makes a good point when she says your mum is secure in how she feels about you and your other half, but less so about your brother and his gf. She no doubt sees what you see, but being a mum - even of grown up kids - isn't easy.
     

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