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Do I give it all up to stay at home for a few years??

Discussion in 'Parenting' started by ihatekids, Feb 20, 2019.

  1. ihatekids

    ihatekids New commenter

    Please share your experiences/advice!
    I have been a teacher for 9 years in a mixture of full time and part time roles. I now have a great job in a lovely school working 3 days a week. I have a 13 month old son and have been back at work since Sept 2018...it has all been going well...I enjoy my job...
    Yet I can't shake the feeling that I should stay at home until my son is a bit older/in school. We are also considering expanding our family so this would have a huge impact in terms of childcare fees/career progression. I feel like this is a huge dilemma.
    I often think I would love to be a SAHP and be there for everything my children do, but I also enjoy my job and have worked hard to be where I am. I don't think I could manage working with 2 children, it also wouldn't make sense financially.
    I am going around in circles considering the options so wanted some advice from people who have been there.
    What are your experiences?
    Would I be stupid to give up a part time role?
    Will my future prospects be affected?
    Will I regret not being at home with my child/ren?
    Thank you in advance :) Mimi
  2. eleanorms

    eleanorms Occasional commenter

    My children are now in Yrs 9 and 6. After the first one I did a mixture of full time and part time, then supply for a bit, returned f t class teaching when my youngest was 16 months. Did two years in ks1, then a big jump forward to Y6 when my oldest was about to start y2 and the youngest was still in nursery. I reckoned it was about mid afternoon on a Wednesday each week before I actually started making any money after tax and fees. And full time Year 6 with two under 7? It was a nightmare! But we got through it. It steadily got easier and easier. I was lucky in that my daughters' godmother was a very loving childminder to them, and we have my in-laws who helped - and still do - massively. You get long holidays, which I wouldn't have done if I was an accountant. I have missed hundreds of school plays and productions. Do I feel guilty? No, my husband went instead. You feel much more of a bad mother than either anybody else or your children think of you as one. And it is hard to get back into teaching after a family gap, although supply may help. Myself, I think part time roles are the ideal solution, and as schools are getting a bit funny about offering them, if you have one, hold on to it. But that's only my opinion. Good luck, whatever you decide.
  3. SammyBear2016

    SammyBear2016 New commenter

    When i had my little boy i had no option to return to work as we needed my salary and although we are strating to think about number 2 we could not afford to have 2 in childcare as it would be pointless me working. We have made the decision to wait to have our second until by the point i would be returning to work after maternity our little boy would be at school. So you do have that option, to wait a little longer to make it more viable.

    I would also ask, even if you were a SAHP would you still want your child to go to nursery? If you do then surely it is worth working for those hours even if it just covers the cost of childcare as it would financially take the pressure off your partner.

    Did i feel guilty when i returned to work? Yes, for the first couple of weeks i spent my drive to work crying about leaving him. I have always been career orientated and didn't think i would ever want to give up work but that little boy changed me. Do i still feel guilty about going to work? Yes and no. He has a wonderful time at nurdery and at my parents. I work four days a week and really make the most of the 3 days we have together. I think working makes me appreciate and enjoy the time we have even more. I also think that returning to work was good for me. Whilst i was on maternity leave and even on my non-working days although we see people life revolves around our child (as it should) and for the days i work i am me again, not mummy.

    Yes there might some things you miss out on but its what you do with the time that you have that matters and if working actually helps with your own mental health then that is the best thing for your child. I have a colleague at the moment on maternity and they want to change to part time hours. Thier eldest child is in school and so the day they have asked to drop is the day that celebration assemblies take place so she knows she will always be able to attend.

    I know that teaching is not just 9 -3 but you will also get the holidays off (i know you may have to work for some) and you can really enjoy that time with your child. Also because of the holidays you could look for term time only childcare which will reduce your costs down.

    Out of all the questions you have asked there is only really one that you should take into account 'Will I regret not being at home with my child/ren?' and only you can answer that. The only thing that you should consider is the benefit to your child. Yes your career prospects may be affected, i don't know but to me if i was able to stay at home and felt it was best for me and my child i wouldn't care if my future prospects for progression were affected.

    Good luck with whatever you decide.
    dodie102 and meggyd like this.
  4. meggyd

    meggyd Senior commenter

    Having two kids under 3 or whatever is very different from having one. Really lovely but just totally exhausting. Everyone is different. You need to do what is right for you and you never be 100% sure it was the right thing. That's just life!
  5. dodie102

    dodie102 Occasional commenter

    I think sammybear2016 and I are on the same page here.

    Personally I would say if you have a job that you enjoy and an employer that values you I would think very hard before giving it up.

    I have two children and have always worked full time - secondary. Luckily my husband and I split the day: he sorts out the morning and I'm there to pick up at After School Club although now my older child sorts herself out as she is in Year 7 and gets home before me! Early on I remember working out during my commute the cost of childcare, fuel, running a second car and with two little ones in nursery. I was barely taking home anything! However, I loved my department if not always every aspect of teaching. I found it very stressful at times to keep my head above water but perhaps being part time might help in that respect?

    In essence I would would go with your gut!

    Good luck.

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