I am feeling desperately low. I have talked to the Samaritans but they offer no solutions, just um and ah and add to my phone bill. I have suffered from depression on and off for over three years. I got my ill-health retirement from teaching this autumn after a "career" of 30 years, and still replay the horrible times from the last dreadful five or six years of my time as a teacher nearly every day. Since I stopped working about a year ago, my wife expects me to do all the chores- cleaning, cooking, washing, shopping, DIY in all the "free" time I have. I have always lacked confidence with jobs involving tools and a steady hand, so I prefer not to start anything I know I'll botch and get an earful for. This is a big thing with my wife, whose father was a dab hand at everything, from carpentry to electrics. This is what brought things to a head this afternoon. We replaced the sealant round our leaking shower basin, but let the stuff dry too much before taking the masking tape off, with the result that the sealant was pulled off as well. I didn't know this would happen and neither did she, but she launched into a tirade against me, so hurtful that I escaped upstairs and got into bed and cried. In a similar scene a few weeks ago, she said I should hang myself on one of my many ties.In all the time I was ill with depression, through all the consultations with doctors (GPs and psychiatrist) the medication, the counselling, the cognitive behaviour therapy, she has never once asked me how I felt or was I better. Not once. As if I was putting it on and somehow managing to fool all the professionals. She doesn't care and thinks I should pull myself together, and find a solution in hard work of some kind. It just doesn't work that way. Would it could! I can't talk to my daughter about it, as she is in London visiting her boyfriend. Whenever I try to talk to her at home, she's busy studying , and besides, and has had enough on her plate this year with successful chemotherapy for Hodgkin's lymphoma, so my troubles are relegated to a position of little importance. I have friends, but they're more good-time companions. In fact my wife stopped me from telling my best mate that I was off sick with depression until I received news that I was granted ill-health retirement. What do I do? I'm desperate. I feel like an utter failure at everything.