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Depression and staying at home

Discussion in 'Health and wellbeing' started by Kirley, Mar 26, 2020.

  1. Kirley

    Kirley New commenter

    Hi everyone,
    Just wondered if you have any advice regarding the above.
    I am actually quite isolated anyway because I live with 2 family members but we are not on speaking terms.
    I don't have any friends anymore.
    I have been keeping in touch with a few people from work but it's just a few messages a day.
    Usually I would be at work or out and about keeping myself busy so that I don't think about my loneliness and depression, but obviously at this current time, this is not possible.
    It's difficult to exercise to make myself feel better as my home is tiny and cluttered. I will try to go for a walk tomorrow though as I need to buy fruit and milk.
    It's the usual feeling sad, despondent, lonely, not wanting to do previously-enjoyed activities (I used to spend hours reading, watching sit-com box sets or even doing housework): I have had depression before but I have been trying to manage in the past year by being busy and I am not crying constantly or starving myself so I know it's not as bad as it could be, especially in light of what others are presently going through.
    With regard to that, I'm waiting to hear back from my manager if I'm allowed to volunteer with the local council's service. (It's a bit ironic though as many of the older people in my area are unfriendly.- they just stare but they don't smile back and I've been living here for 16 years! I'm sure I'll be the only one clapping at 8pm!)
    Thanks for reading,
  2. bookeater

    bookeater Occasional commenter

    Sorry to hear you are feeling like this.
    Have you decluttered the area you use.?
    Look at what you can do both inside and outside that keeps you busy.
    Also, try and find a Facebook group that deals with anxiety/ depression.
    Your mind needs to stay as busy as possible.
    Many people are in your situation but so many are feeling isolated.
  3. Corvuscorax

    Corvuscorax Star commenter

    sorry you are feeling so low. I agree trying to declutter a bit might help. Music? dancing? (maybe with headphones on so the music doesn't become a bone of contention) balanced diet and vitamins?

    Come on here and chat to us. We can talk about everything and nothing for hours.
  4. Over_the_hill

    Over_the_hill Star commenter

    I do think living with 2 people that you aren’t talking to must be incredibly stressful. Could you think about possibly changing your living arrangements? Can you afford to rent somewhere on your own? Having a space of your own would instantly bring some relief. Then you may feel inclined to start seeing what is going on in your local area. I have volunteered for nearly two years and have made some lovely like-minded friends on here. When the world is back to normal and we have a TES meet, do come along as that’s another way to make new friends. Best wishes xx
  5. bookeater

    bookeater Occasional commenter

    Kirley and (deleted member) like this.
  6. Corvuscorax

    Corvuscorax Star commenter

    The Samaritans are still functioning, I have a friend still going in for shifts, phone calls and emails.
    Kirley likes this.
  7. sunshineneeded

    sunshineneeded Star commenter

    @Kirley, so sorry you find yourself in this miserable situation. Do you really need your manager's permission before you volunteer? I would go ahead with that plan, as it sometimes takes several days to get things off the ground. As you said, there's your local council - also Age UK, the NHS, local foodbanks, dog-walking for anyone who can't get out. I know it won't help your home situation, but it might make you feel more positive.

    Agree with @Over_the_hill - your living arrangements must be making everything worse. Now is not the time to be making big changes, but could you start to look into planning a move for when this is over? Even renting a room in a shared house would put you in a better place.

    Keep posting on here. Very best wishes x
    Kirley and (deleted member) like this.
  8. Abitofeverything

    Abitofeverything Occasional commenter

    I feel for you. However I wanted to point something out: You are no longer speaking to the people you live with, you say you have no friends left, and at the end of the post you are being judgemental about 'older people' who you don't even know yet. The common denominator is you. Maybe it's time to consider why you don't have any meaningful relationships and try to make some changes? Best of luck.
  9. Kirley

    Kirley New commenter

    Thank you very much HistoryEducator, Corvuscorax, Over_the_hill and sunshineneeded for your kind reponses.

    In answer to the points that you raised:

    The clutter is about 60% mine and I have made a start on it a few times but at the moment I feel overwhelmed. I'm hoping that I find motivation at some point as this enforced time at home would be an ideal time to tackle it.

    I normally do quite well with a fairly balanced diet but it's been difficult recently as the staying at home/isolation has made me feel despondent.

    I really wanted to chat with you all but I've been on forums before where I was ignored as a newbie because I wasn't part of the clique so I am very wary of joining in now.

    It is very stressful but my living arrangements can't be changed for the foreseeable future sadly. I cannot afford anything else. I am a supply teacher and have a second job that at least I'm getting some money from at the moment to pay the bills (and I have debt too as supply is so sporadic).

    Thanks for the links HistoryEducator, I'd already been on the Mind and Samaritans websites (have looked into volunteering for Samaritans) but I will check the other websites that are relevant to me.
    sunshineneeded I thought it best to get clarification for volunteering from my manager because the company are paying me during the lockdown; it's fine to for me to do this so long as I'm not paid for it. And you're right that it will make me feel more positive as I do like to help people (it's why many of us choose teaching, isn't it?).

    I have done my volunteering application so at least I might be able to help out some other people during these unfortunate times, in addition to keeping me busy and taking my mind off my own problems. I do think I'm weird as I have to see people and interact with them to feel normal - does anyone else feel like this?
    HistoryEducator likes this.
  10. Kirley

    Kirley New commenter

    Yes you're right, it is me. I've noticed that I get on fine with everyone when I'm a doormat; when I stand up for myself then people change and don't want to know me anymore.

    I made the comment about the irony regarding the older people in my area because I am applying to volunteer to help older people who might be struggling during these difficult times. However, in my area I have passed them many times on the road or seen them on the bus or at the bus stop; I have often smiled at them but they just looked at me and went about their business. Other places I have been to and lived in, people - including the older folk - are friendlier. Here people keep to themselves. Just to give you some examples of my neighbourhood: people have put their rubbish in my outside bin (looked like a huge helping of cooked rice - not even in a bag, the grains weren't moving and didn't pong in case you're thinking I had maggots in my bin!), I've had recycling boxes (provided free by the council) stolen, I had some bedding plants stolen that I had left outside after bringing them home from the shop (I had put them on the flowerpot where I was going to plant them whilst I went inside for a cup of tea - an hour later they were gone!), rubbish (empty beer cans and water bottles) is frequently chucked in the front garden.

    But yes I am on the waitlist for CBT to try to figure out what my problems are and how to get on better with people.
    EmanuelShadrack likes this.
  11. Corvuscorax

    Corvuscorax Star commenter

    I think this is really unhelpful, judgmental and makes wild assumptions. Maybe @Kirley has a genuine problem socialising. But nothing in her post indicates that she is anything other than a perfectly normal nice person. Sometimes people are just plain unlucky through no fault of their own
  12. Over_the_hill

    Over_the_hill Star commenter

    Do keep posting on here, the vast majority of people on here are kind and supportive. I asked my school if I could carry on volunteering while I’m off and they said of course, it’s a wonderful thing to do. I can’t see how any reasonable employer could refuse at the moment. Do try and get out for a walk every day, it will be so good for your mental health. And maybe set yourself a target of one hour a day tackling your clutter. Over a week you will be surprised how much you have done! Where you live does not sound the best, I agree, but you can still have a long term goal of moving somewhere nicer, even if it takes a year or two. Remember:
  13. Abitofeverything

    Abitofeverything Occasional commenter

    I'm not saying they are anything other than a perfectly normal person. I am saying in a constructive way, because the poster has asked for help - when someone asks for help, sometimes hard truths are necessary. If a person has fallen out with / is not getting on with anyone in their life, they are the common denominator. The poster has already said that they are on the waiting list for CBT, so they do recognise a need to change something in their own behaviour.
    EmanuelShadrack likes this.
  14. EmanuelShadrack

    EmanuelShadrack Star commenter

    Please do chat. Providing you're civilzed and polite, and you certainly have been so far, I think you'd be most welcomed. The forums are tricky for newbies - it wasn't long ago when I was a newbie myself on here, and I remember the experience.
  15. primarycat

    primarycat Star commenter

    Yes do chat. And try small manageable bits of tasks if the whole thing is overwhelming. E.g sort one drawer, not whole chest.
  16. EmanuelShadrack

    EmanuelShadrack Star commenter

    Don't wait till you have the motivation. You might be waiting a lifetime.

    Start first (e.g. just 2 minutes), and then you might find the motivation. Or you might not - it really doesn't matter.
  17. Lidnod

    Lidnod Star commenter

    Do stay and chat. (Some threads are friendlier and more supportive than others.) I suspect that many of us are feeling isolated and anxious at the moment and need to express ourselves somehow, so we are maybe more outgoing than usual and willing to engage. Just chatting can be a great relief. I like the threads where people are being positive and have a sense of humour.
  18. EmanuelShadrack

    EmanuelShadrack Star commenter

    How are you feeling today @Kirley ?
    Kirley and bombaysapphire like this.
  19. Penguin47

    Penguin47 New commenter

    I wanted to drop by and offer my support. I've had depression for years and my life circumstances can be quite lonesome; not many friends, no job etc. It's a tough situation to be in, so you have my sympathy.

    I think the best way to approach it is that you take each day as it comes. If you have a day you are productive, great! If not, then don't beat yourself up over it; remind yourself that you are ill and, just like physical injury, it takes time to heal.

    For perspective, I think a lot of people will be going through this right now, so perhaps after all this blows over people may be more understanding.
    Kirley and Lidnod like this.
  20. Kirley

    Kirley New commenter

    Thank you Lidnod, EmanuelShadrack, Corvuscorax, primarycat, Over_the_hill, Corvuscorax and Penguin47 for your thoughtful responses.

    I didn't post for a while as I was really struggling with feeling useless and hopeless. I have, however, been feeling a bit better recently due in part to the improved weather (sunshine is very uplifting!) and also having been accepted for one of the volunteering roles (an "on-call" one but at least I might be able to help). I did feel like I was applying for a paid position as I applied to 3 different organisations but perhaps many people are also willing to volunteer at the moment so there is probably a surplus of us.

    You might be pleased to know that I spent about 4 hours yesterday trying to organise some of the clutter: it will take many more hours but it's an achievement that I actually managed to make a start on that area.

    Penguin47 - those are wise words that really resonate with me; particularly the "don't beat yourself up over it". I've learned over the years to try to be less harsh with myself like I would behave with a friend who was in this situation.

    I would also say to anyone else who is having difficulty with isolation, loneliness, boredom, depressive thoughts/feelings, it is definitely worth posting here (or elsewhere!) for support - people showing an understanding what you're going through and offering words of comfort can really help.

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