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Depression and adopting

Discussion in 'Personal' started by thekillers1, Jun 1, 2018.

  1. thekillers1

    thekillers1 Lead commenter

    if I have mild depression, would this block opportunities to adopt?
  2. Flowersinspring

    Flowersinspring Lead commenter

    Don't know but deoression is covered in the Disability Discrimination Act 2010 if that's any help.
    thekillers1 likes this.
  3. 576

    576 Established commenter

    The only way to get a definitive answer is to ask the adoption agency.
    thekillers1 likes this.
  4. thekillers1

    thekillers1 Lead commenter

    We’ll see what happens.
  5. foxtail3

    foxtail3 Star commenter

    I would think too, that it depends how well managed the depression is. Some people with depression and/or anxiety cope very well with medication (or without), with counselling, mindfulness or other therapies and live lives that are minimally affected by their condition.

    If it’s very debilitating, it could be a different story.
    ViolaClef and thekillers1 like this.
  6. nomad

    nomad Star commenter

    If you have experienced or are currently experiencing a mental health problem you would not automatically be ruled out as an adopter. An agency would need to carefully consider all the factors around the condition before making a decision.

    For example, if you have suffered from depression in the past, it would be advisable to talk to your GP before making an adoption application to find out their views and whether they would support your application.

    The Agency’s Medical Adviser will want to understand the circumstances that led to depression and be reassured that you will be sufficiently robust to cope with the inevitable stresses of adopting a child.

    Positives in recovery

    Some applicants have used medication, counselling and other therapies during stressful times in their lives, particularly when going through the sadness of unsuccessful treatment for infertility. The agency would look at how you had used support and this could be considered a strength in your application. If you are continuing to use some medication this will not automatically rule you out but further information would be needed from your GP about your agreed medication plan and your resilience to manage future stress.

    Vince_Ulam, lindenlea and thekillers1 like this.
  7. InkyP

    InkyP Star commenter

    I'm not sure what you mean by 'mild depression' and I don't know anything about adoption. I do know that growing up with a mother suffering from depression was very difficult. I expect things are better managed now than they were in the 60s and 70s.
    thekillers1 likes this.
  8. irs1054

    irs1054 Star commenter

    I am sorry to say that in my experience the "Big D" is the porverbial red rag to LA adoption staff.

    That said, there is no legal impediment, it will be dependent upon the particulars, but prepare to be grilled.

    It also has to be said that different agencies have completely different approaches and some are more reasonable than others. So, if you do get rejected by one then, by all means, try again with another (and another).

    You also need to be aware that most adopted children are "damaged goods" (if they aren't damaged by the birth parents then they will probably be damaged by the care system they have had to endure) and you will need to be very agressive about getting info about the child and making sure any required care package is in place before the final adoption order.

    It will be a very fraught journey, so best of luck.
  9. Doitforfree

    Doitforfree Star commenter

    I wish you all the luck in the world. Looking after children, whether fostered or adopted, is incredibly hard and quite different from bringing up birth children. There are huge rewards but the difficulties can be great and you have to be very resilient. You're likely to encounter problems in school and outside schoos which are outside the norm for most parents. But it's all possible to cope with. Foster carers often don't make it 'to the end' but my friends who have adopted are very proud of their children and what they themselves have helped them achieve. No child is in care who isn't damaged. Some show few signs of this but most will be very obviously damaged. Sometimes adopters can find that the help drops off once the adoption is complete. As a foster carer with excellent support I cannot imagine how adopters cope without this help.
  10. sbkrobson

    sbkrobson Star commenter

    I'll be blunt if I may.
    You unwittingly raise the question of whether you are seeking to adopt as a means to resolving depression?
    The question is not as crass as it seems-adopters should be repeatedly asked "why do you want this?", and there is in fact only one right answer in terms of being accepted to adopt.
    Enigmatically, I see no need to spell out the right answer here.
    Instead, I ask that question. "Do you see adoption as a means to resolving depression?"
    nomad likes this.
  11. frangipani123

    frangipani123 Lead commenter

    I would say that anyone who adopts is doing it for their own personal reasons, because they see something 'missing' from their lives, and there is nothing wrong in that. You are naturally going to be under great scrutiny in a way that those who have a biological child simply aren't. People have children for all sorts of reasons.

    Many people experience depression at some points in life, so I would find it surprising if mild depression would completely rule you out. Would you be adopting with a partner? It would seem best to go along for an information session with various adoption agencies where you can raise any questions that you may have.

    I was adopted as a baby, my cousin has adopted two children and a younger relative adopted a baby relatively recently. There can be all sorts of issues that arise on both sides of the equation - with the adoptee and the adopters. I grew up in a house with lots of foster children and could write a book about the various encounters I had. I know very few people who come from an 'idyllic' family and usually if you scratch the surface there are all sorts going on in most families. I would say don't let your concerns put you off pursuing this - to me it shows that you are considering different issues related to what is a major undertaking.
    thekillers1 likes this.
  12. Duke of York

    Duke of York Star commenter

    I think you need to look on this in the light of parents who suffer from depression, have kids of their own and never have to face such questions unless the children are obviously suffering abuse.

    My mother suffered from trigeminal neuralgia for most of my childhood, which left her clutching her face in agony until I joined the NHS and had it sorted for her. Just prior to that, I bought my first camera and took a snap of my parents together. My mum tried to smile for the snap but when the pictures came back from the chemist's she looked awful. The most depressed person I'd ever seen.

    This was in an era where mental health was far less understood than it now is and the advice given would be "Pull yourself together"

    In the case of my mum, she was an entirely different person after the op which freed her from the pain. As a child, I never thought of her as being depressed, but that photo told an entirely different story. It seems obvious now that anyone regularly suffering such agonising pain will get depressed, but I can't say it made much difference in the bigger scheme of things insofar as giving me a decent upbringing.

    Sure there were times when I went to school with the arrse hanging out of my trousers because she wasn't in a fit state to notice and sew it up, but it didn't really matter. She attended to it on days when the neuralgia wasn't giving her grief. Despite the depression, she always demonstrated her love for her kids, which at the end of the day, is all that really matters to a kid.

    She was never diagnosed as being clinically depressed. She wasn't even diagnosed as having trigeminal neuralgia before I arrange for her to see a consultant neurologist. Quite possibly, even that might might not have happened if I hadn't fixed an EMG machine, arranged a date with an EMG technician and mentioned my mum's situation on it.

    My mum stressed upon me that it isn't what you know, it's who you know, if you want to get on. How true is that?
    thekillers1 and bevdex like this.
  13. lindenlea

    lindenlea Star commenter

    From my limited experience of watching an ex colleague go through adoption, more is expected of adoptive parents than natural parents. If you approach this with expectations of close scrutiny and the possibility of rejection you can only do your best.
    thekillers1 likes this.
  14. Geographyteacher939

    Geographyteacher939 New commenter

    I believe it is not a barrier, but LAs are interested in how you have managed your depression, and you need to be able to show this, i.e. have you sought therapy. I am no expert on this matter, however.
    nizebaby likes this.
  15. thekillers1

    thekillers1 Lead commenter

    Seems to be society’s way of punishing adoptive parents - more is expected with limited support. ******* government.
  16. nizebaby

    nizebaby Star commenter

    I'm sorry to say this but I can understand why authortities might be unwilling to let people with mental health issues adopt children.
    InkyP likes this.
  17. nizebaby

    nizebaby Star commenter

    That's not going to make me popular.
  18. lindenlea

    lindenlea Star commenter

    The logic must be that the children have already suffered at the hands of their natural parents and its a huge responsibility for agencies and authorities to find other people to become adoptive parents. They are super cautious. You would have to be prepared for all that. Don't give up before you start though.
    thekillers1 likes this.
  19. thekillers1

    thekillers1 Lead commenter

    No worries. Thanks though x
  20. thekillers1

    thekillers1 Lead commenter

    At half past three in the morning? Lol
    nizebaby likes this.

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