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Discussion in 'Personal' started by Doglover, Mar 29, 2011.

  1. There are two issues around lunch. The first being that she finds the social interaction in the playground at lunch time, and the second is actually eating in school, which I am having difficulty getting to the bottom of at the moment.
    We feel that it is necessary to start to stay in school again for lunch (the situation broke down after some unpleasantness before Christmas) as she can't avoid being with other people forever.
  2. BelleDuJour

    BelleDuJour Star commenter

    I feel this is a good idea DL. She will have to learn to cope, otherwise life will treat her very unfairly.
    I'm not a label lover and, as you know, I have worked with a lot of SEN children, including those at the far end of the autistic spectrum, but clearly your daughter has difficulties.
    I'd be inclined to say forget the label/diagnosis and do as you are doing by working with your daughter to support her and help her to live with her difficulties. Better to learn to live with them than allow them to dominate her life.
  3. One idea, as far as trying to get her to eat at school, could be to explain that she is going to be eating lunch in school next week and you are going to go to the supermarket together and pick out somethings that she would like to eat at school. Even if this isn't the healthiest lunch the first week, it doesn't matter. Perhaps you could even go in and eat lunch with her for a couple of days?
    As far as the playground, I think that a lot of children struggle on the playground. I don't know what type of school your daughter is at, as in big, small, urban, rural, but in my school, older children relished the responsibility of being a "buddy" to a younger child, or perhaps someone in her class that isn't the child she had problems with before. Or if she enjoys playing on her own, maybe send her in with a toy to play with. At this point, I think you need to make staying at school more attractive than coming home.
    I really wish you the best. I can only imagine how stressful this is for you, as you only want the best for her. Try not to stress out about the label thing. Sometimes children behave differently when they are being observed/evaluated. It is hard. I used to have an Aspergers child in my class who was particularly difficult, spending most of the lesson banging his head or under the table, but whenever behaviour support came, he acted completely normally, taking a full part in the lesson. I am not saying that your daughter behaves like this, but it is sometimes difficult for the ed psych to see the behaviours you see.
  4. Belle, I have recently realised that what you are saying is true and we have to face the fact that she may remain undiagnosed, so we have to move forward.
    The plan is that she is going to stay in school for lunch intially just for one day, and that she will be given a safe place to go to, and a named person she can go to, if she is stressed - a TA she knows very well. The HT is going to set aside some jobs for her to do for him,at lunchtimes, so that she can get used to being in school without the pressure of the playground. I wasn't sure how she would take this, but she is thrilled and really quite excited anout doing jobs as she just loves to organise, and feel that she is helping. These suggestions came from the HT, which makes it even better, as we feel now that the school are actually supporting her. The acting HT was very concerned that until this point, the school had not given her strategies in school to help her with the difficulties she was encountering. Little one, also feels happier as we have put it to her, that the HT knows how difficult she finds things at times, and wants to find a way to help her, and she seems very pleased that he is trying to help.
    We often found with my oldest daughter that just knowing strategies were in place was enough, and she rarely had to use them.
    This is positive and I know that, but I feel very emotional about it all, and don't quite know why - perhaps it is relief?
  5. Meant to say - Gpporgie, it is a large pimary school in a small town, with approximately 600 childen on the roll.
  6. DL- how old is your daughter please?

    I don't have anything helpful to say except that, as an Auntie to an autistic/dyspraxic boy, once he got used to school it helped him alot. He still struggles but his social interactions, speech and ability to cope are much better after 2 yrs at school (even though his Mum still wraps him up in too much cotton wool but that's another story)

    Good luck x
  7. Disguise she is 9.
  8. BelleDuJour

    BelleDuJour Star commenter

    That's brilliant news DL. It's amazing how well children often respond to being given some kind of responsibility.
    I really hope all goes well for her but I know from experience children like your daughter often make good progress then take a bit of a retrograde step at puberty. It's one (small) step at a time. She's lucky to have a Mum like you and an HT like she has. All the best.

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