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Dear Tom - Politely refusing Facebook Request

Discussion in 'Behaviour' started by LittleStreams, Apr 7, 2011.

  1. It really worries me that there are seemingly so many people on here, apparently with FB profiles of their own, who do not understand how it works.

    Facebook has privacy settings. On one end of the scale, you can control who sees things you post. On the other end, you can control every last piece of information you put on there (for instance, when making a status update you can select who can see it).

    I have the maximum privacy settings enabled, and whilst I cannot accurately tell you how to do this, there will be a gazillion comments and articles on the internet to show you how. Only my 'friends' on Facebook can find me in a search. In order to add me as a friend, somebody must know one of my friends. If you don't, searching for me on Facebook reveals nothing, and NOTHING related to me appears on a google search.

    As responsible teachers, everybody reading this should have the same high level settings. It's a matter of principle.
  2. I am not friends with any pupils pupils on facebook, however I've a Facebook related issue.

    Basically some of my Year 8s have public profiles and my friend has a daughter in their year group. as a result I found posts on a Year 8 girl's profile calling me a stroppy cow, she hates me and this is all public on a facebook wall (I could link you to her profile right now and there are no privacy settings whatsoever)

    How would you handle this? Should I:
    a) ignore it (my initial reaction)
    b) cut and paste and show to senior management to deal with (my colleague's idea)
    c) have a word with the girl who has the profile telling her to privatise as I've read her wall and vicious posts (but surely that will make me look stalkerish!)

    any advice greatly appreciated.
  3. No they can't. If you remove a tag you cannot be tagged again
  4. Hello everyone...

    Fr those of you that have not kept a rational head and have a Facebook account, please follow this link.


    It will take you to a Facebook page for MakeUseOf.com, "like" it, and then go to the ".pdf guides" section. Therein you will find "The (Very) Unofficial Facebook Privacy Manual". This manual will tell you everything you need to know about the privacy settings on Facebook. It is VERY comprehensive (over 50 pages long) and will give you step-by-step instructions on how to up your privacy settings on Facebook without having to sacrifice your online social presence - which is why you signed up to Facebook in the first place.

    p.s. feel free to "unlike" the page once you are done, it is a cheap way for them to get publicity anyway.

    Hope it helps

  5. Sorry, that's "For" not "Fr" - it's late...

  6. Agreed! Enough said... surely?
  7. If she's 8 she shouldn't have a Facebook account; it's illegal.
  8. How is a friend to whom you write a letter or email more real than a Facebook friend? Is this some sort of bizarre one-upmanship based on being a bit of a Luddite?
    Stupid post, would not read again.
  9. YesMrBronson

    YesMrBronson New commenter

    I should think the fact that you're in Pizza Hut reflects worse on you than the swearing. [​IMG]
  10. I have had SO many requests to befriend me from very young pupils and I just ignore them .
    My current headteacher is particularly worried about the email/phone number/facebook security of the teachers. This is mostly to protect the teachers from the parents though.
    I would propose a solution. The school should start a facebook page and the teaching staff should have 'new identities' just to post on the facebook page. It could be monitored by the SMT and please parents and children alike. The headteacher, school secretary and SMT could be the main posters.
  11. I don't know if someone has maybe mentioned this already but why on earth does an 8 year old have Facebook and more to the point how did she get it? She must have lied about her age because Facebook clearly states that you have to be 13 years old to sign up!
  12. I remember once when I was 16. I very much wanted to get drunk, so I went to the offy, and asked for the big bottle of JD. The offy chap asked me how old I was, so I said I was 21, and produced my awesomely faked birth certificate.
    About five hours later, I was very sick. That's not relevant to my point though.
  13. I live in a very small community in the Hebrides (West Coast of Scotland) and teach at the larger of the only two high schools on the island where I live. Let me tell you now, folks, when you live in a community like this you learn that Facebook is the least of your worries. There is only one nightclub in my town, so if you want a night out you go there, and you see the kids in the street outside. Last Friday I went for dinner with my girlfriends and had "HIYA MISS" shrieked at me twice in ten minutes from across the road. I was told by a pupil that my boyfriend is 'fit' cos she saw us in Tesco stocking up on bread. They suss out where you live INSTANTLY. I have opened my curtains on a Sunday morning in my jammies to the grins of a group of pupils circling the concourse outside my house on their bikes. I had never told them where I live.

    The fact is, the kids know what you get up to anyway. In the lives of these kids you're a minor celeb and they all talk about you on the sly. They see you as some sort of a hero because you're the most reliable thing in their life and they want to know more than what they hear through the Chinese Whispers of the playground. They only get as much as you let them on Facebook. Update your privacy settings, make yourself unsearchable, use your nickname or maiden name or whatever as your username and most of all DON'T PUT ANYTHING UP ON THE NET THAT YOU WOULDN'T BE OK WITH THEM FINDING (Apart from maybe taking a ribbing for being a bit bleary-eyed/makeup-less etc). It's not difficult to keep a check on what you include in status updates, or in your photos, or on Twitter, or Flickr, or Last.fm or any of the other social networking sites. Just keep anything really personal off your profile. Share the personal stuff like your boozy photos by email.

    And hey, if you do it that way, it can even become a teaching aid. I've used my facebook to show the kids links to Inanimate Alice work from across the world, Flickr images have been writing stimulus, I've logged into my Twitter to show my seniors the Royal Shakespeare 'Such Tweet Sorrow' project. And it's been no bother, because I've not been shy about it (Obviously my PT knows I do this). They didn't even care that I had any of the social networking sites cos there was no secret about it.

    I've had one friend request in the last two years, which I refused and said pupil never tried again.
  14. You're right. When MrA was teaching in a northern country town, we had our coffees served at the cafe by a student. A drink or a meal at one of the 2 pubs was invariably served by a student's older sibling or cousin or neighbour - at both pubs. When you're really lucky, the idle yoof of the town turn up at your door at 1030 pm on a fine, warm Saturday night for a bit of a chat and a glass of cordial.
    In this sort of environment, you quickly learn not to do anything, let alone post on facebook, that might be reported to 200 eager gossips on Monday morning. (Anything includes messing about while washing dishes - any eagle-eyed student can spot you from 100 metres away across the road across a vacant block . And they did compliment MrA about his dedication doing the dishes late at night. )
  15. I teach at a small international school in China. As Facebook is blocked by the Chinese government it is very difficult to access the website at all. Some families use a VPN to get on. Perhaps the UK government should block Facebook then it seems that for most teachers the problem wouldn't exist.
    However I have to say that once again, as usually happens when I read TES discussions, I cannot believe the animosity that so many UK teachers show towards their students. It's like you all ive in a state of war and the kids are the enemy. We're talking about 8 year old children. I find the red tape in UK education a huge disincentive to want to teach in England but the hostility and arrogance that so many posters display is just incredible, and is a bigger disincentive.
    What I do find puzzling in this whole discussion about Facebook is that so many so called 'Professionals' are out clubbing, getting drunk, and then posting pictures of themselves on Facebook. What so many 'Professionals' posting here seem to lack is basic common sense. To me the real issue appears to be the need to keep students safe from their teachers. That's probably the best justification for not 'friending' students.
  16. Well, to be fair, there aren't any. So for any and all unfair nasturtiums cast, I do apologise. The posts on this thread, for the most part seem to indicate that the posters are sensible rational balanced thinking professionals.
    That said, posts 7, 8 and 9 suggest to me that there is an awareness that it happens. As one of those is your posts and while you may be talking specifically about Uni students the impression I am left with on this thread, and the other thread about Facebook, suggests that some teachers are concerned about students seeing photos of themselves behaving inappropriately that they have posted on their Facebook pages. I was really referring to the discussion in general, not just this thread.
    More importantly, although I have never taught in the UK and have spent the last 17 years on the international circuit the feedback I get from colleagues, friends and family is that teaching in the UK is no party. I'm not suggesting that it's not justified, but so many posts on the TES are from defensive, angry, scared, and unhappy teachers. The board is full of posts about what not to do and how not to expose yourself to a range of threats from students, their parents and the authorities. There seems to be so little goodwill toward students.
    I don't have the time to troll through several threads looking for examples, but what I read on the TES leaves me with a strong sense that Mr. Chips left many years ago. His replacement/s seem to have a very different outlook.
  17. tiredzzz

    tiredzzz New commenter

    I do add sixth form- I ask them to add me, in fact, as it's a really useful tool for them to ask me questions, discuss work, etc. We've made a group and we've all agreed it's very useful! Teachers can alsays set up a special profile for this kind of interaction.

  18. [quote="Southernview" '...some teachers are concerned about students seeing photos of themselves behaving inappropriately that they have posted on their Facebook pages.'

    Maybe, but I'd say the majority are afraid of students posting inappropriate videos of them on Facebook..... videos taken in class without their consent, sometimes after a set-up 'wind-up' session. It's happened.

    ' I have never taught in the UK'
    Well, get into those mocassins and spend two months in them.

    '.. so many posts on the TES are from defensive, angry, scared, and unhappy teachers. The board is full of posts about what not to do and how not to expose yourself to a range of threats from students, their parents and the authorities. There seems to be so little goodwill toward students.'
    Now why would teachers feel like that, with classrooms full of nice co-operative kids, and with supportive management to back them up?

    '....Mr. Chips left many years ago. His replacement/s seem to have a very different outlook...'
    Mr Chips would be mincemeat in most of today's classrooms. After all, he didn't have to put up such a fight for survival; he was operating in a supportive society. (Not to mention the independent sector!)
  19. You add me, I ignore and block.
  20. Are you kidding? Whilst teachers must be aware of these issues why should they stop leading a full life which can be filled with all the things their friends do as well?
    Of course there are some behaviours that result in external action (eg. drug arrests etc) and subsequently striking off but by simply keeping everything above board there is no reason to hide yourself away. Do you still go into town to shop? What if a kid saw you in a shop buying pants ... who cares? They saw you - on Facebook, they found you, it doesn't mean anything!

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