I'm in a real dilemma about where to go next. I know that I am a good teacher and I still have a lot of enthusiasm for teaching. However, looking at job adverts I can't imagine how I will possibly get another teaching job. How do I explain my reason for leaving? What if the head is asked questions that aren't answered in my agreed reference? What if I'm asked questions about my previous employment that I can't answer due to the CA? I feel as if I would be deceiving any school I applied to, which in truth I would. I'm a very truthful person and would feel awful having not to talk about certain details eg. that I wasn't actually currently working at the school despite still being employed by them. I also have no access to the evidence that I would collate in a portfolio, so if asked for one wouldn't be able to provide it. I'm not confident about applying to schools that ask for an outstanding practitioner - recently my observations have been satisfactory to good. I didn't agree with the judgments but that is what they were, so I'm not an outstanding teacher. I can't afford to spend months not working whilst applying for jobs and know I will have to visit every school and complete a lot of applications if I'm to have any chance of a job, which is a full time job in itself. My plan was going to be to do supply and try to prove myself that way, but I'm really doubting that I can afford that. I would need to work at least 10 days every month at the minimum, I have no idea whether I would get that many days' work, and I don't really trust agencies to give me the true picture. I would love to do tutoring, 1-1, support teaching etc. but can't find any openings for that kind of work in schools although of course I can register with a tutoring agency and hopefully get some clients to supplement whatever I'm earning. I'm considering trying to get work outside teaching, as my confidence in my teaching is low, and I need to support my family financially, but I have no idea whether I have any chance of getting any other job and know that the job market is difficult. I feel as if I really need some more time out not worrying about work at all, to recover from the bad experiences I've had, but I can't afford not to look for work straightaway. I just have no idea which direction to go in and don't really feel qualified or confident to do any job at the moment. This is the first time I've ever doubted that I was meant to be in teaching and whether I wanted to do it for the rest of my life - I've always been completely focused and determined before.