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Dad died - feeling normal?

Discussion in 'Personal' started by t0lk13n, Aug 8, 2011.

  1. Hi ,my dad has just died-yesterday and I think I`m not feeling like i SHOULD....CAN`T REALLY CRY UNLESS SOMEONE i HAVEN`T SEEN SEES ME AND THEN i GET UPSET BUT CAN`T WAIL OR HAVE copious floods. I am trying to be upbeat as I feel I should for the morale of everyone else. It is also my birthday! have kept busy by doing the practial thiongs like shopping for milk, etc and getting the death cert and sorting out with the undertakers. My mum is doing ok and my sister so I feel I should be strong too. Just keep taking deep breaths all the time.
    T0lky x
     
  2. Hi ,my dad has just died-yesterday and I think I`m not feeling like i SHOULD....CAN`T REALLY CRY UNLESS SOMEONE i HAVEN`T SEEN SEES ME AND THEN i GET UPSET BUT CAN`T WAIL OR HAVE copious floods. I am trying to be upbeat as I feel I should for the morale of everyone else. It is also my birthday! have kept busy by doing the practial thiongs like shopping for milk, etc and getting the death cert and sorting out with the undertakers. My mum is doing ok and my sister so I feel I should be strong too. Just keep taking deep breaths all the time.
    T0lky x
     
  3. Eva_Smith

    Eva_Smith Established commenter

    So sorry to hear that T0LK13n. I'm not an expert, but you sound as though you are in a bit of shock.
    Be careful to take thing easy and not to expect too much of yourself because it may hit you later.
    Thinking of you xx
     
  4. He was ill for a long time but everything snowballed yesterday and he was gone.
     
  5. I'm so sorry to hear your sad news T0lky. I think it sounds like you are doing the best you can to cope and keep going - just let your grief play out in its own way, and stick with your mum and your sister. You'll all get through this together. When you do need to cry though, be sure to let yourself. Everyone reacts differently, and time plays its own role.

    Big hugs x
     
  6. Lara mfl 05

    Lara mfl 05 Star commenter

    Firstly, there's no right or wrong way to feel when something like this happens, we're all different!
    My own father died very suddenly & unexpectedly & I felt like I was living life in a bubble. The time up to the funeral I think we were all in shock & just got on with it and 'coped'. It was afterwards that the enormity hit us.
    Some people (like me) are <u>very</u> emotional and yet others seem to 'hold it together' more- again we're al individuals and you have the right to be yourself.
     
  7. Thank you all x
     
  8. thebigonion

    thebigonion New commenter

    When my dad died last year, I got the call when I was in a meeting.
    I finished the meeting.
    I went to my afternoon appointments.
    I went to an interview the next morning.
    THEN I got stinking drunk and cried myself hoarse.
    Do whatever you feel you need to do, do not judge yourself by any measure of what you should do, or what you should feel.


     
  9. Thanks Onion x
     
  10. You describe how I felt when my Gran died (she was like my mum to me for various reasons). I couldn't cry until the day of the funeral when I made up for the lack of tears in the 10 days between her death and the burial.
    My advice would be to be gentle and kind with yourself and allow yourself to have whatever emotions you have without worrying about a) if they are right and b) what other people need you to be.
    Each day is different and sometimes each hour is different, it's all part of the journey through grief.
    Take care.
     
  11. There's no right or wrong way to experience shock and grief. You feel how you feel. Please accept my sympathy - it's an awful time even when it's expected.
     
  12. Thanks x
     
  13. DaisysLot

    DaisysLot Senior commenter

    Thinking of you and yours Tolk.... Hang in there :)
     
  14. anon468

    anon468 New commenter

    So very sorry to hear this, T0lky. My dad died under similar circumstances and I was almost expecting 'the' phonecall.
    I could only cry when I was alone. I wanted to get back to work ASAP. I didn't want to talk about it. I drank a vast amount of alcohol (v bad idea). I cleaned like a maniac. Don't know if any of this was normal or not, but I just sort of muddled through the whole awful experience. There was other stuff going on that compounded the awfulness which I shan't bore you with, but eventually the mists cleared and normality (whatever that is!) returned.
    Keep taking the deep breaths and just take it a day, an hour, a minute at a time. There is a bereavement thread on here and you might find it helpful to talk there too.
    Sending you kind thoughts.
    manny
    x
     
  15. Thank you......not sure if it is a blessing I am off for the 6 weeks or not. As I will have too much time to think of things. Luckil I came back from holiday on Friday so I did have my holiday, even thoiugh I was slihtly anxious about my dad but managed to enjoy. My poor sister had only been on holiday with her family for 2 days and I had to phone her to fly home. Sadly she didn`t make it in time. Thank you for all your messages xxx I had a good sleep last night.
     
  16. BelleDuJour

    BelleDuJour Star commenter

    T01ky...my darling Dad died two weeks ago today and the funeral was yesterday. I've cried, but not at times I'd expect to. It's a strange mixture of feelings, but the overwhelming one is the immense sense of pride I have in him being my Dad. He was an awesome man and I loved him to bits.
    I'm sure I will go through a roller coaster of emotions over the next few days, weeks, months and years.....as you will too.
    I really feel for you as it has just happened to me.
    It's a horrid, sad, emotional, streesful time and I know it won't even start to get better until after the funeral.
    Take care.
    Lots of love.
    Belle xxx
     
  17. Both my parents died within 15 months of each other, too soon, too young. I remember feeling like I was on a film set during the funerals, looking down on everyone.
    As everyone has mentioned we all feel differently when we lose a beloved parent, take each day as it comes, talk about your dad, share the memories, no one can take those away from you.
    Thoughts are with you, it's a numbing time. x[​IMG] x
     
  18. Thank you. Slept well last night as I was in my own bed as my sister is down and she slept in my parents' house. Going to shower and go down my mum`s as I have relatives flying in and I find it easy to do the teas and coffee duty! Thank you for taking the time to reply. Thank you Belle, it is still raw for you too. Lots of fabulous memories. x
     
  19. Sorry to hear this, condolences to you and yours.
    What you are feeling is not at all unusual, it takes time to really sink in.
    There is no wrong way of grieving, only your way.
    Be kind to yourself.
     
  20. My dad died just over a year ago. We were all so strong and pragmatic for so long and then grief would catch up with us at unexpected moments. Best wishes to you. It's a long process and it takes its own course.
     

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