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Cummings Level Excuses

Discussion in 'Personal' started by Jamvic, May 31, 2020.

  1. Jamvic

    Jamvic Star commenter

    George Washington apparently said...“It is better to offer no excuse than a bad one”.

    He had a point.

    Dominic Cummings has now joined the infamous ranks of those who will be forever remembered & associated with one unbelievably bad or crazy excuse. No matter what else he does in his life from now on that excuse is what people will think of when they hear his name.

    “I decided to return to work. My wife was very worried, particularly given my eyesight had seemed to have been affected by the disease. ...We agreed we should go for a short drive to see if I could drive safely.”

    This got me thinking of other either well known, crazy or badly thought out excuses made in an attempt to wriggle out of some form of trouble, scandal or commitment.

    The evergreen - Anon - “The dog ate my homework.”

    The sleazy - Bill Clinton - “I did not have sexual relations with that woman.”

    The surreal - Prince Andrew - I didn’t sweat at the time because I had suffered what I would describe as an overdose of adrenaline in the Falklands War when I was shot at, and I simply — it was almost impossible for me to sweat.

    The audacious - Diego Maradona - “..the hand of God”.
    jubilee, TheoGriff, ajrowing and 2 others like this.
  2. ilovesooty

    ilovesooty Star commenter

    The DHT at my last school - if we excluded pupils for swearing at staff we'd have nobody left to teach.
  3. gainly

    gainly Star commenter

    "Personally, I have of course always scrupulously observed the rules". Peter Viggers (the duckhouse MP)
  4. gainly

    gainly Star commenter

    "My wife doesn't like to have her hair blown about". Two jags Prescott on being asked why he'd had to use one of his official Jaguar cars to make a trip of less than 300 yards from his Brighton hotel to the Labour party conference.
    jubilee, TheoGriff, colacao17 and 2 others like this.
  5. dumpty

    dumpty Star commenter

    jubilee, TheoGriff, colacao17 and 3 others like this.
  6. Rott Weiler

    Rott Weiler Star commenter Forum guide

    Although as the Wiki explains, British Rail never said that!

    There's more behind the story although it's far too late now for the popular perception of BR in the 1990s to be changed.

    There are indeed different types of snow and the trains that failed during that snowstorm needed several different types of filter to prevent the various different types of snow getting into the electric motors. BR's original specification would have ensured all the filters were fitted when the trains went into servcie. But interference and cost-cutting by the Dept of Transport resulted in there not being enough money and some of the filters weren't fitted. Hence the problem that arose.

    The real villain of the piece was the Secretary of State for Transport but he manged to walk away scot-free, as politicians so often do.
    jubilee, TheoGriff, ajrowing and 3 others like this.
  7. ilovesooty

    ilovesooty Star commenter

  8. WB

    WB Lead commenter

    "I lost my homework fighting a kid who said you weren't the best teacher ever."

    If you were this kid's teacher, what would you do?
    jubilee, TheoGriff and Jamvic like this.
  9. pipryan

    pipryan New commenter

    The overlook

    Teacher and Vicky Pollard

    Teacher: "Vicky, do you have that essay for me?"
    Vicky: "Yeah but, no but, yeah but, no but, yeah but Keanu stole it from me but that’s nothing because he fin***ed Meredith on the swings round the back of the school..."

    Nick Ferrari and Michael Gove

    Ferrari: “Would you go on a 60-mile round trip to test your eyesight?”

    Gove: “I have, on occasion in the past, driven with my wife in order to make sure that... what’s the right way of putting it...?”...…as "someone who took seven attempts to pass their driving test, I'm not going to pass judgement on other people's driving."
  10. sbkrobson

    sbkrobson Star commenter

    "Do the HWK by tomorrow please, or I'll phone your mum about it just to check if she has forgotten youre the best kid ever"
  11. Jamvic

    Jamvic Star commenter

    In 2013 Toronto Mayor Rob Ford admitted he “probably” smoked crack cocaine excusing his behaviour by saying “I was in a drunken stupor at the time.”
  12. Jamvic

    Jamvic Star commenter

    Breaking Lockdown excuses the police have reported.

    • I’ve been to buy nail clippers for the dog
    • My son is a rubbish cook so I take him food every day
    • I’m taking my quad bike for a walk and I promise I am not going to ride it around a field
    • I’ve just been to feed the fish
    • I don’t watch the news – what’s going on?
    • I’m taking my mate into Newport to buy drugs
    • I thought I heard someone may be in trouble, so I came to have a look but I don’t know their name or remember the person who told me it
  13. Jamvic

    Jamvic Star commenter

    Wasn’t there a wrong type of leaves in the track too or am I remembering it wrong and it was just the snow.
  14. Rott Weiler

    Rott Weiler Star commenter Forum guide

    I don't think it was the 'wrong type' of leaves. Just leaves. An ongoing problem every autumn on some lines. The leaves get ground into the rail surface and the train wheels slip.
    TheoGriff and Jamvic like this.
  15. dumpty

    dumpty Star commenter

    You may both be right, or wrong - but you will be blamed :p

    Interesting article here, says in the 40s the excuse was 'wrong type of coal'! And the one trains are stopped because there is a 'giant clown on the tracks' is a classic:

    TheoGriff likes this.
  16. Jamvic

    Jamvic Star commenter

    Ohhh. I like that one.

  17. Jolly_Roger15

    Jolly_Roger15 Star commenter

    Our elderly games master at school used to give a summary of sporting events in the final assembly of every term. To end on a light note, he finished by reading the best excuse notes he been given, which he divided into two categories: possibly genuine, and definitely fake. One from the latter category that sticks in my mind is a forged letter from a parent, saying 'please excuse X from games, as he has forgotten his kit'.
    WB, SeanbheanMac, jubilee and 3 others like this.
  18. gainly

    gainly Star commenter

    "There was no impropriety whatsoever in my acquaintanceship with Miss Keeler" John Profumo.
    WB, jubilee, TheoGriff and 1 other person like this.
  19. LiamD

    LiamD Occasional commenter

    Don't know about the worst excuse but Mario Balotelli must have the best. When he was involved in a car crash early in his time in England, he was found to be carrying £5,000 in cash on him. The police asked why. His reply, “because I am rich.
  20. gainly

    gainly Star commenter

    I was going bald
    The emotional effects of hair loss should never be underestimated. Yet the effect it had on the former LibDem MP Mark Oaten is still hard to believe. According to an article he wrote in the Sunday Times in 2006, Oaten’s hiring of a male prostitute with whom he had a longstanding relationship outside his marriage was part of a midlife crisis that had a lot to do with his hair. “I became more and more obsessed by its disappearance,” he said. “For me it was a public sign that my youth had ended.”
    WB, Jamvic and TheoGriff like this.

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