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Coping with teenagers

Discussion in 'Personal' started by emerald52, Nov 4, 2015.

  1. emerald52

    emerald52 Star commenter

    I know the coping with elderly parents thread has been a real help to lots of people. I thought it might be equally useful to share successful strategies and sound off about problems dealing with teenagers. I recall telling my teenage daughter that she would have to pay for breaking my car stereo. She refused but was surprised when next month her allowance did not arrive in her bank.
  2. lanokia

    lanokia Star commenter

    I cope with having a teenage daughter by having her live in another city from me, looked after by something called 'university'. It's working well so far. Feel very close to her.
  3. grumpydogwoman

    grumpydogwoman Star commenter

    Leave them with the other parent and move fifty miles away. Like I did.
    ScotSEN and lanokia like this.
  4. foxtail3

    foxtail3 Star commenter

    I coped badly, I think. Mine disappeared into a black hole at age 13 and partially reappeared at 19. I communicated by letter at times!
    ScotSEN, emerald52 and grumpydogwoman like this.
  5. Jolly_Roger1

    Jolly_Roger1 Star commenter

    judging by the experiences of other parents we know, we had no 'difficulties' with our daughter. In a school setting, I didn't mind teenagers being teenagers, it was those whom we used to call 'elective **** holes' that I found draining.
  6. grumpydogwoman

    grumpydogwoman Star commenter

    No. That's coping WELL. Save yourself the misery of seeing their wretched scowling faces. Notes. Or (these days) very brief texts. Excellent.
  7. emerald52

    emerald52 Star commenter

    When mine was at the stage of having a bedroom like fungus the bogeyman's, I refused to go in. Mugs grew mould, clothes mildewed and carpet moths munched away the carpet.
  8. foxtail3

    foxtail3 Star commenter

    Oh yes, the fungus bedroom! Plates, mugs and glasses under the bed, food growing mould, nose blind clothes, unidentifiable aromas!

    Brings back memories- but not ones to repeat!

    Funny thing is, one of them is quite persnickety now!
    ScotSEN and emerald52 like this.
  9. sabrinakat

    sabrinakat Star commenter

    Is there somewhere for stroppy toddlers (or now called threenagers!) similar to this university you speak of?
    ScotSEN and lanokia like this.
  10. lindenlea

    lindenlea Star commenter

    My sons bedrooms used to stink but they are both house proud home owners now.
    Neither of mine caused me great problems which I put down to luck.
  11. Ladykaza

    Ladykaza Senior commenter

    Expensive though!
  12. lanokia

    lanokia Star commenter

    For her. ;)
  13. Orkrider2

    Orkrider2 Star commenter

    I don't have any teenagers yet, but my 5 year old might as well be. She was born angry and was resolutely furious with the world for the first 2 years of her life. Anger has since turned into stubborn contrariness and if it wasn't for the fact that she has a disconcertingly sophisticated sense of humour and knows exactly how to turn a situation to play it for laughs when she pushes me too far, she would have been impossible to bear! I'm pretty sure it isn't just my terrible parenting, because she's reportedly a complete angel for other people and a delight at school according to her teacher. She saves up all her devilishness just for me! I'm dreading what she'll be like in 10 years time!
    Lascarina and emerald52 like this.
  14. magic surf bus

    magic surf bus Star commenter

    We learned from our mistakes to let our eldest learn from hers.
    monicabilongame likes this.
  15. foxtail3

    foxtail3 Star commenter

    That was my saving grace @Orkrider2! The teachers said my two were fine at school, so at least I knew they had some semblance of manners etc, even though they didn't show it at home- well, one in particular. I wept at a school parents evening once, when my son's Science teacher described him as a lovely boy!
  16. emerald52

    emerald52 Star commenter

    Agree. I dread those parents who say how wonderful their children are at home when they are badly behaved st school. Far better to have it the other way around.
    ScotSEN likes this.
  17. Orkrider2

    Orkrider2 Star commenter

    I'm presuming they've turned out alright @foxtail3! There may be hope for my moody little madam!
    That said, I was watching a Ted talk the other day and it featured the 'marshmallow experiment' that's done to show impulse control (or lack thereof) in 4 year olds! They sit the child with a marshmallow and the adult tells them that they're leaving the room and if the marshmallow is still there when they return, the child will get 2 marshmallows to eat. Apparently, those children that can resist the temptation to eat it for 15 minutes tend to go on to be more successful academically than those that can't resist.
    Well, I tried it on little miss stroppy and the first marshmallow was gobbled up before I could finish the instructions. Undeterred, I tried again and gave her another marshmallow and left the room. After 14 minutes and 30 seconds of brooding and muttering, she came storming out of the room, threw the marshmallow at me, called me evil and stropped off to her bedroom wailing about how life was unfair. I dread to think what that says about her future potential.
    ScotSEN and emerald52 like this.
  18. foxtail3

    foxtail3 Star commenter

    She'll probably set the world on fire!
  19. gooddays

    gooddays Senior commenter

    I found recently that these stories come in very handy when the child in question gets married. My husband told our audience how we were afraid of our middle child, a lovely young woman whom no one could now imagine calling us "idiot brain". At our oldest's wedding I told of her amazing ability to persuade people to do exactly what she wanted, like the unsuspecting car mechanic who was foolish enough to answer his phone on Christmas morning. She charmed him into putting snow tires on our truck so she could visit her friends several hours away. Only son is still in university with no marriage plans at present so we'll keep his stories under wraps.
  20. ScotSEN

    ScotSEN Senior commenter

    Daughter number 1 was fine although very unidy. I found a photo of her room when she was about 7. It was impossible to see the carpet for toys and for some reason she had fallen asleep on the floor. I put it up during her 'hen weekend' with the title Where's ???? and it took a lot of her friends long time to spot her - it was like Where's Wally!

    Having been lulled into a false sense of security with number 1 Daughter 2 was a nightmare - (Rude/coming home late/wanting everything done her way and at once and she know exactly how to press her dad's buttons) although most people would tell me she was wonderful out of the home. We did have some trouble at secondary school partly because staff expected a carbon copy of number one daughter and number two just couldn't (still can't) stay quite if she thinks things are unfair. She got on at school so much better once her older sister left and she had teachers who didn't know her older sister.

    I just got through it by thinking it can't last for ever and it didn't! Both girls are now doing well. Number 2 even concedes that she gave her dad and I are hard time but is glad that we didn't let her off with everything!

    So to all of you struggling out there with teens it really will won't last forever.

    Oh and a lot of wine was drunk in a friend's kitchen underneath a poster
    which read

    Mother of teenagers know why animals eat their young!

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