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Coping with people being negative

Discussion in 'Personal' started by marshypops, Jun 26, 2011.

  1. marshypops

    marshypops New commenter

    I spent many years in a realtionship like this, it was energy sapping and I spent hours doing other things out of the house and eventually left (and now have someone lovely [​IMG]).
    You don't have many choices:
    1. talk to her about her negative comments, she may need counselling because of depression (or something), I'm not being flippant btw just don't know her circumstances.
    2. Spend more time out of the house, cultivate friends who don't come back to the house (not ideal but do-able?)
    3. Not for the faint hearted - leave, take your daughter with you?
    Just as a thought, what is she like with her daughter? Is she welcoming of her friends or is he as negative, living with a mum (as you have described her) won't be pleasant for her either. Although (as I've tried to say earlier) we only have your perspective on this.
     
  2. I wouldnt stay 'for the sake of the children' odds are you will only make them miserable too. I know this from experience, Im afraid.[​IMG]
     
  3. OP, have you spoken to your wife openly and honestly about how her attitude makes you feel? It may be that she is jealous of your life, career and time spent not focusing on her. If so, she clearly has a number of issues she needs to work through.
    You say friends drifted away as they can't stand her; this might seem a bit harsh: you let them. If they don't like her then you could have seen them by yourself. I guess this might have caused trouble between you and your wife but everyone needs friends in their life - a spouse can't meet all your needs.
    If I was in your shoes I would speak to her and suggest couples counselling. If there is nothing left between you then the counselling will help you to split, if there is something worth saving the counselling can help.
    Good luck to you.


     
  4. MrCC is a bit like this, but he doesn't mean to be negative, because in his mind you shouldn't do something if it makes you unhappy. For example during my PGCE year when I moaned all the time about how tough the kids were/how tired i was/how hard it was/how much planning I needed to do - he would say that I should do something else because I obviously wasn't happy in this job.
    In MrCC's world happiness comes above all else but in my world (the real world!?) this is not always the most practical approach. If he doesn't enjoy doing something he doesn't feel inclined to continue with it whereas I would for money/reputation purposes etc. I can understand his viewpoint but it does drive me around the bend sometimes, especially in this current climate, finding a job that you enjoy is near impossible seeing as finding <u>any</u> job is also impossible.
    Sorry I haven't got any advice, just wanted to share that sometimes people don't see being negative as 'being negative' but that you shouldn't do something for the sake of it. I hope you can make sense of my ramble! Maybe you could both do with some time apart to think about things?
    Good luck, I hope you come to the right decision.
     
  5. ditwee

    ditwee New commenter

    I suggest Relate. Also, get her to have a full medical exam. As she has changed and is now so negative, she may actually be clinically depressed. Check out all options and for heaven's sake Speak to her.
     
  6. I am not sure how long you are working in the evening, but perhaps you do need to think about your work/life balance. Not just for your wife, but for your child too.
    As to the friends - you surely have let them slip away? It is not particularly nice for her to call you billy no-mates, but perhaps it is a wake-up call - that you need to get your work/life balance sorted?
    Work is work - it should never override family or friends. You need to be tough and disciplined and find a cut off time, where work is not done, no matter how much there is still left to do.
    I could easily work until midnight every day. I don't. My max. cut off time is 18.30h. Work, after that, can wait until the next day (I do start at 7.30 in the morning).
     

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