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Coping with mc - catches you out when you least expect it.

Discussion in 'Pregnancy' started by biodust, Dec 17, 2011.

  1. My mc was the worst thing that has happened to me. I had a late mc 2 months ago and I'm not at the coping stage yet. I think you have to just avoid any aisles that sell that sort of stuff until you're in a better place.

    Hopefully getting pg again will ease some of the hurt
  2. Thank you all.
    I have now spoken to DH as he also got upset by something recently and was embarrassed because I am 'coping' better than he is. I pointed out I wasn't just being different.
    I have learned to avoid things that upset me in general but I didn't even know you could get cards like this! Well I hope not to need to buy one next time (hope to have baby before next Christmas - with luck on our side) but maybe the time after that!
    Thank you again for your replies.
  3. Sorry to read about what you are going through. I had a miscarriage this time 2 years ago - still get caught out, even now with my 1 year old boy. It's hard, but it does get better. I was really thankful for Christmas hols, I ate a lot of cheese, drank a lot of wine and was pregnant again by the end of January - that was a shock as we weren't really paying much attention! Take care of yourself and OH, and relax over Christmas x x x
  4. big hugs jelly. Glad you talked to your OH. I had an MC 8 years ago - it is an awful thing to have to go through but the pain does fade. I didn't talk to my OH and regretted it for ages afterwards. Hope you get what you want soon x
  5. Thank you everyone. I know it will be my turn again but I wish it was now! Don't think my body is behaving as it was before yet, ov seems later and that's frustrating! Thanks for your comments.
  6. The bump cards would have set me off at my lowest point too... indeed, even in posession of a bump, I got pretty cheesed off at the utter insensitivity (and blatant marketing) of them when I heard about them... sadly lost in a wave of "awww so cute."
    As for your body changing - it took me a good 6 months before I had a "normal" cycle after my last MC... and I'd concluded it had actually left me utterly infertile as I didn't seem to be ovulating for the best part of a year - I found temperature charting helped a bit in giving me some feeling of control over knowing what was going on in there - I initially went back to having a really cruddy luteal phase defect, and had to watch it lengthen back to my usual time over a fair few months - without charting I'd have just been stuck there wondering what was going on (my cycle went down to something ridiculous like 20 days at one point with a very late ovulation but did revert to normal given enough time).
    Last Christmas though was utterly vile - would have been due the first lost baby, family friend died, relative fit to give birth imminently - I loaded up the Sky+ with totally mindless stuff with explosions (and not a poignant Christmas special birth storyline or "family family family Christmas is all about family and the children" programme in sight) and pretty much turned the house into an anti-baby anti-tinsel bah humbug festive bunker!
    It's also changed how I've dealt with this pregnancy - I've threatened various plagues of biblical proportions upon anyone who tries to buy me a Baby on Board sign (because they felt like huge yellow "I've got one and you can't have one ner ner ner ner"s on wheels to me) and I've deliberately not done the scan photos/pregnancy whining on FB thing - so at least I came out of it with more empathy and understanding than lots babied up to the eyeballs are!
    It gets easier though - the sense of loss doesn't go away totally (I wouldn't want it to - it would be like denying their existence), the sense of wondering what if doesn't - but the rawness of it does and you cope better.
  7. Can I ask MrF (if it's too personal a question please feel free to ignore it) how long it took you to feel at the stage where it was a little easier? I had a MC at 17+5 in October for no known reason and I don't know how to get through Christmas.
  8. 6 months - noooooooooo!!!!!! Thanks for your honesty mister. Not counting the initial 6+ week, I am on my second cycle since mc, the last one ov'ed late but lp was still ok. Still waiting for ov this time! Thanks again everyone.
  9. I lost three babies (one twin pregnancy) in the space of about 3-4 months, compounded with having to get through an in-law's pregnancy running to a very similar timescale to what mine would have been, and I'm pretty sure depression my GP refused to help with - the losses started May, then July (but went right into September before they concluded it was over - very nasty missed miscarriage drawn out over repeated rescans time and time again before they'd conclude it was lost) - winter I floundered utterly, including being stopped from attempting suicide by my husband who found me on the bathroom floor surrounded by tablets I was trying to get the courage up to take - and the first due date, coupled with the arrival of my nephew which neither of us took well to be honest, but I crashed utterly completely (the "amusing annecdote" of how they'd been bereft at the loss of their bookshelves to accommodate the nursery was NOT appreciated by me, although my mother-in-law found it hilarious - it just made me utterly utterly eaten up with hatred and resentment in not a very pleasant way)... things got more bearable in about spring/summer time but I was still very very angry and upset at the hand life had dealt me even then... to be honest through a lot of it I wouldn't have had the impetus to get out of bed without a very sizeable dose of being incredibly cheesed off at the world at times! I was only starting to feel normal getting toward a year later - and then found out I was pregnant again - and that brought a lot of stuff back to be honest - I ended up bawling my eyes out before my 12 week scan - just flipped out completely at the idea of being in for "the big scan" - despite knowing the baby was normal with a heartbeat two weeks prior!

    It sounds really really horrid, but Christmas was in a way easier because a family friend (basically a father figure to me) fell ill and was admitted to hospital on Boxing Day, and later got a hospital infection and ended up in intensive care and dying from it - but it meant I had a focus to distract in terms of runs up and down the country to visit him, and being there for my mother through that - rather than dwelling on it all... and I kind of got a bit of comfort from the idea of him being in whatever afterlife there is to keep an eye on the lost ones really (possibly daft but you take what bones of comfort you can get). We looked for a plant that would flower at around the times the miscarriages would have been due - ended up planting a magnolia in the garden and it was really odd to look at it on the second due date and there were only three flowers on there - the same number of babies we lost - felt a bit like a "here we are" moment.

    There are two groups the Miscarriage Association have on facebook that CAN be pretty good (one can descend into one or two people being somewhat OTT and angel mummy poetry at times though - which I've never felt 100% comfortable with although it helps some people) - one's an open group in that posts show up on your news feed but there is a private group which doesn't - but it seems to have been very much taken up with one or two people telling tales of "I yelled at a lady with a bump today" lately so I'm considering withdrawing from it since I'm currently the lady with a bump. It was really good before that (hence me being a bit cheesed off how it's being completely dominated by a few people) and there are some really nice people on there.
  10. Mister, Thank you so much for your honesty and openness. I really appreciate it and actually find it helpful to find out about what other people have been through, it makes me feel less on my own. Congratulations on your bump, I wish you every happiness.
    I have told quite a few people I had a mc and it has helped me to talk about it and it has amazed me how many others have had similar experieneces. I have told more people about the mc than the pgcy!
    I was told about a support group at the hospital that I tried and I found it useful to go and speak to professionals. I didn't find the group a help generally but I did meet a girl who went through the same experience at almost exactly the same time and we have kept in touch. It has really helped to be able to compare - have you had af yet? have you ov'ed? etc
    Biodust - have you asked your doctor or hospital is there anything like that you can try? Good luck for the future.

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