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Coping with elderly parents – particularly Alzheimer’s Rant

Discussion in 'Personal' started by lindenlea, Feb 2, 2012.

  1. sunshineneeded

    sunshineneeded Star commenter

    Thank you both for your replies … it's as I expected - mainly because everything we do is proving difficult, from getting the right carers to arranging for a toilet frame to be fitted! The GP visits (more than once) and asks if we would like Dad to be put on the Community Nurse's regular round - yes, we would love it - weekly, fortnightly, whatever. It never happens. But I will investigate this further and make sure we are asking for an assessment for funding. Thank you again - it really does help to be able to let of steam and get such good advice on here!
     
    agathamorse and Lara mfl 05 like this.
  2. Doitforfree

    Doitforfree Star commenter

    I've got one of the toilet things going spare. Barely used. I don't suppose you're in North Yorkshire...
     
    sunshineneeded likes this.
  3. marymoocow

    marymoocow Star commenter

    Sadly the specialist dementia care homes that accept violent/ or difficult people (ie anything above sitting comatose in a chair it seems to me) are few and far between. Even if they get the higher funding, they can wait months for a place. Care homes often send patients to hospital with urine infections, when they would normally be cared for in the home and then claim they need reassessing before accepting them back. We often have patients with behavioural issues, stuck on our ward for months. This is what happens with privatisation. Criminal and immoral.
     
  4. grumpydogwoman

    grumpydogwoman Star commenter

    Toilet things? I had two. Occupational Health. But maybe cancer patients get better service. I think we probably do!
     
    sunshineneeded and Lara mfl 05 like this.
  5. Doitforfree

    Doitforfree Star commenter

    I've found two very nice looking and very suitable homes, plus a third in a slightly less good location. But I'm assuming, as you say, that there won't be any places in them. My auntie was sent to an awful NHS assessment place. The staff were nice enough but the building was a lot like a prison and there was absolutely nothing for her to do. She was there for about six weeks until we got her into a suitable home.
     
    sunshineneeded likes this.
  6. grumpydogwoman

    grumpydogwoman Star commenter

    A place might be freed up at any time! You have to hope!
     
    sunshineneeded likes this.
  7. sunshineneeded

    sunshineneeded Star commenter

    A very quick update ….
    My dad was found on the floor by the carer yesterday morning. I had to leave work at lunchtime and shoot off down the motorway (lucky to have very supportive HT and SLT). Now in the local hospital. No real injuries from the fall - he doesn't remember it at all now and has no idea how or why he's in hospital. My siblings and I are hoping this is our 'gateway'. I've seen a million people today - physios, doctors and social workers - who all agree that he is not safe to live alone. He's not unhappy in hospital. We're hoping for a few week's respite (even a week) by which time we will have secured a place in the specialist care facility we've chosen. Not sure how he'll get there; we'll try and persuade the NHS, but might have to be a private ambulance - but we don't want this opportunity to pass us by. Once in a safe, secure and comfortable environment where he has social interaction and mental stimulation, I know his quality of life will improve (so will mine!) and hopefully the progress of this cruel illness might slow down.
     
  8. Sundaytrekker

    Sundaytrekker Star commenter

    It sounds as though this might be the push the system needs to get your dad in the right place. My mum had a social worker who wouldn’t agree that she couldn’t live alone. Her return home lasted little more than 12 hours before she was back in an ambulance. Now, she has been in a dementia care home for over a year. She is well cared for and, although gradually deteriorating, is the best she can be. Keep on the social worker’s case. I found they were the key person in the decision.
     
  9. lindenlea

    lindenlea Star commenter

  10. grumpydogwoman

    grumpydogwoman Star commenter

    I don't think I had to pay when my mum was transferred from Shrewsbury to N Worcestershire. I'm sure I didn't.

    Look, transport will be sorted. Don't worry. And, although this sounds harsh, don't be rushing to leave school to sort things out. Before you know it they'll have him down as having extensive and reliable family support and capable of being discharged. We know how this goes. Discharge home. Fall. Start all over again.

    No. His next move mustn't be back home. It must be to a safe and proper place.
     
  11. Doitforfree

    Doitforfree Star commenter

    I hope you get everything sorted, Sunshine. The NHS were very good yesterday when I had to bring my dad home after his fall. They checked that there would be someone at the other end to help me, and brought him right out to my car in a wheelchair and helped him in.
     
  12. Lara mfl 05

    Lara mfl 05 Star commenter

    Hmm. My Alerts have failed to alert me to new posts on here and it was only sunshineneed's comment on another thread which made me check back here.

    It's often falls which force the move away from independent living. I remember my Mum lying on the floor, with curtains and rail beside her and insisting she hadn't fallen. She went on to have 2 more falls in the next couple of days.

    I do hope that the Home you've chosen does indeed have a vacancy. I know ours had long waiting lists.
    I don't know if it still exists but you used to get 28 days post-hospital care and I got Mum in to the Home I'd chosen on that and then she stayed a further 6+ years in that room.
     
  13. grumpydogwoman

    grumpydogwoman Star commenter

    Yes, my MiL was moved off the hospital ward and into a very plush local care home. The rellies all used to go in and cluster round the TV and eat all the snacks and relax. The costs to private residents was enormous! She got it on the NHS as they do have that 28 day commitment. Well, this was 2017. She died a couple of hours before discharge. I think she knew she couldn't cope at home any longer and she just gave it up. It was a lovely place. Kenilworth.

    But they'll try to tell you that he'll be ok at home. Don't let them! ​
     
  14. lindenlea

    lindenlea Star commenter

    Ooh I think I know where you mean gdw! There's a newish home that seems to be used regularly for convalescence.
     
  15. sunshineneeded

    sunshineneeded Star commenter

    Don't think the 28 day post hospital scheme exists any more. We were told by social workers that there is a lovely home close to the hospital used for this kind of respite and dad could have up to 8 weeks there while we find a more permanent place. Brilliant! Then told that as he's self-funding, it would be £750 a week. Still relieved, we checked the home out - very plush and care looked excellent. We accepted the place. The following morning we were told we couldn't have the room at all as it was for social care funding!! So at first we couldn't have it unless we paid .... few hours later, we couldn't have it because we're paying!!! Where's the logic there?

    However, we have got the only vacant place at the home we want, near my sister. Have had to take it from tomorrow. Have given hospital all the details and they're on board. They say dad should be ready to go by the middle of the week. My sister is there this weekend, but he will be on his own from tomorrow. We've explained to him that the doctors want him to go to a special private hospital to recuperate and he's ok-ish with that. Obviously thinks he's going home afterwards - we'll cross that bridge later. We think it's best that the transfer happens on a 'medical' basis, with just medical staff and not us around. There are still a number of hoops to jump through, but fingers crossed we will be visiting dad in the home for his 88th birthday next sunday - and we'll find him calm and settled. Happy might be too much to hope for, but it would be lovely!
     
  16. Sundaytrekker

    Sundaytrekker Star commenter

    I’m so pleased , sunshine. We let hospital transport take mum to her nursing home and we weren’t there to wait for her. We visited a few days later when she already seemed to accept that that is where she is.

    I hope it goes smoothly.
     
  17. Lara mfl 05

    Lara mfl 05 Star commenter

    Exactly right.
    In fact we used to tell my Mum she was in a posh hotel.:) We weren't lying either because it had indeed been a posh hotel before becoming a Home and where all my husband's family had had their wedding receptions.
     
  18. grumpydogwoman

    grumpydogwoman Star commenter

    Don't do the transport. If he gets in a state then you'll feel terrible. Let THEM settle him in.
     
  19. sunshineneeded

    sunshineneeded Star commenter

    Yes, we're going to let the NHS sort this out. They told my sister today they weren't sure they can move him that far (about 150 miles). She said, "What are you going to do then? Leave him at the service station until someone picks him up?" The hospital have all the information now about the nursing home so they just have to arrange transport. I'm the biggest advocate of the NHS, but they certainly haven't given us much help for Dad - and he'll now be a bed-blocker until they get this sorted.
     
  20. Doitforfree

    Doitforfree Star commenter

    We're almost certainly going to have to move my dad to a specialist dementia unit, and I know he'll really struggle to adjust. He's really gone downhill in the last couple of weeks. The manager of his home is so lovely and so supportive, doing absolutely everything she can to get him the help he needs, in the face of many different professionals who say they'll be in touch and then aren't. I'm visiting two new homes this week. One has space and I'm honestly thinking we'd be best to accept it while there's room.

    My dad's got a social worker now, because he fell, but he wouldn't speak to her and then she didn't call when she said she would so that's not very encouraging. It's no good relying on other people even when they say they'll do things.
     
    agathamorse and sunshineneeded like this.

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