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Coping with elderly parents – particularly Alzheimer’s Rant

Discussion in 'Personal' started by lindenlea, Feb 2, 2012.

  1. cissy3

    cissy3 Star commenter

    That's very useful to know @littlejackhorner

    I had resigned myself to having to sell the house pronto, and that's partly the reason I've been in a bit of a panic!

    That's good to know. Every bit's going to help.

    Thank you so much for this. Yes, it's getting everything sorted! I'm surrounded by notes to myself to remember to do this, and remember to do that etc (bit like teaching used to be...) and it all seems overwhelming!

    You've set my mind at rest considerably.
  2. lindenlea

    lindenlea Star commenter

    You can get the attendance allowance forms online. Remember to present the worst case scenario - you don't have to exaggerate - just remember how he is on a bad day / night and the sort of help he needs then.
    Stay on here, there is so much information to gather but people on here can cut corners for you because they have already been through the research themselves.
    Don't be anxious about speaking to SS, Age UK and the home and go back and ask more questions if you're still not sure. It sometimes seems that the agencies drag their feet but don't let them do it to you. You don't need to be difficult, just assertive.
    It is difficult but not impossible, there are ways through and there are people who can help.
    cissy3 and Lara mfl 05 like this.
  3. Ivartheboneless

    Ivartheboneless Star commenter

    I was given that option by Bury council when my mother was put in a home never to come out. Except the interest rate was 28% like a ripoff credit card.
    agathamorse and cissy3 like this.
  4. Sundaytrekker

    Sundaytrekker Star commenter

    I filled in Power of Attorney forms, one for finance and one for health before Christmas for mother in law. It seemed quite straightforward compared to attendance allowance forms provided you don’t want any extra conditions attached. We didn’t finish getting them signed and submitted before she died so it wasn’t an issue in the end. Solicitors will charge a little more and might be a good idea if you want them to say anything other than the most straightforward options. I found out after she had died that she had been awarded attendance allowance. It was a shame the system wasn’t quicker as I might have been able to persuade her to have some additional help earlier.
    agathamorse, cissy3 and Lara mfl 05 like this.
  5. littlejackhorner

    littlejackhorner Occasional commenter

    was given that option by Bury council when my mother was put in a home never to come out. Except the interest rate was 28% like a ripoff credit card.
    Was this a long time ago? There is a nationally agreed maximum rate which I don't fully understand but it is I think based on gilt rates plus 0.15%. The national maximum rate at the moment is less than 2%.
    @cissy3 please don't worry about the interest rate. Your local authority cannot charge more than the agreed national rate interest and it is definitely very low.
    agathamorse, cissy3 and Lara mfl 05 like this.
  6. littlejackhorner

    littlejackhorner Occasional commenter

    Just another thought, we found the council financial assessment team very useful. They advised us about benefits and even completed the relevant forms for the department for work and pensions for us. The DWPteam were also helpful when we phoned them but they will not give any information until they have seen the power of attorney documents. We used a solicitor for the POA and it wasn't too expensive. We could only get it for finances though as my mother in law did not have any understanding about how poor her health was.
    agathamorse and cissy3 like this.
  7. Lara mfl 05

    Lara mfl 05 Star commenter

    Very valid point, and my mother had the full AA before she went into the Nursing Home, but it is my understanding that by virtue of being longterm in a Nursing Home, the 'clients' should automatically qualify for the full AA anyway, so you may not need to go into as much detail.

    Cissy It is my understanding that your father is 'end-of-life' and therefore was funded, but because he's living longer than expected, as is all too common once they're receiving 24 /7 care, he no longer qualifies?
    agathamorse, Sundaytrekker and cissy3 like this.
  8. cissy3

    cissy3 Star commenter

    Thank you all so much for your advice.

    It's all incredibly useful, and I wish I'd posted here ages ago.

    This is another reason I've been in a panic.
    I was told by the CHC assessor that he could only advise re the NHS, and that I could ask a designated social worker re finances, and that I would hear from them.

    But time is running out, and I still haven't heard from them. Time to get a bit more proactive then!

    At least I can plan a more coherent timeline from everyone's suggestions. So thanks everyone again.

    ( I realise that I've had it easier with Dad than those who have had to cope with the horrendous effects of various types of dementia,)

    Yes, exactly that Lara! (you posted as I was writing!)
    agathamorse and Sundaytrekker like this.
  9. Lara mfl 05

    Lara mfl 05 Star commenter

    agathamorse, Sundaytrekker and cissy3 like this.
  10. cissy3

    cissy3 Star commenter

    Wow thanks Lara!

    I'd not come across that site before. Looking at it now!

    Edit: Then went to the council website, and it looks, at a quick glance, very likely that he would qualify.
    This is really taking a weight off my mind.

    (I'm quite touched at all the help and advice I've been given)
    Last edited: Mar 1, 2019
  11. Lara mfl 05

    Lara mfl 05 Star commenter

    Glad the advice is helping you feel more positive cissy. Most of us have been there and been grateful for other's advice when we ourselves 'couldn't see the wood for the trees' ;)

    And I do believe this thread has been a lifeline for many over the years, so good to see it can still be useful. :)
    May2, agathamorse, josienig and 3 others like this.
  12. cissy3

    cissy3 Star commenter

    I think it must have been Lara. I couldn't find the thread on TES search, but it came up on google easily!

    I'm away now to compose a plan of action.
  13. Ivartheboneless

    Ivartheboneless Star commenter

    This was last year. I don't know why it was so high, but that was what I worked out the rate as. Is it 2% per month? That would do it. I used up her savings to supplement what she got per month and raided mine, and put her house on sale, but she didn't last long. I thought it symptomatic of the whole "social care" ripoff, which has still not been addressed despite it being in crisis for about twenty years.
    cissy3 and agathamorse like this.
  14. minnie me

    minnie me Star commenter

    You are coping well @cissy3 ! Yes so many helpful and supportive souls to give you reassurance and very good advice. Bon Weekend to you all !
    cissy3 likes this.
  15. Lara mfl 05

    Lara mfl 05 Star commenter

    If you go to the top of this thread, underneath the Thread Title, you should find a 'Watch thread' option - opposite the page numbers and then whenever anybody posts you should get an Alert so you can see if / when people reply.
    cissy3 likes this.
  16. JessicaRabbit1

    JessicaRabbit1 Senior commenter

    He got the all clear from the latest round of tests on Tuesday and they have said now he has been in remission for a year that he has to have checks every 4 months instead of every 3. So I guess that means they are less worried it will return any time soon although it will eventually. I am unsure if longer between tests is going to be a good thing for his mental health or not.

    I haven't seen him since it happened but they are coming round tomorrow for lunch as it's Mum's birthday. Hubbie popped in to see them in the week and he is still not speaking about what happened. But he seems okish.

    Thank you Lara and @monicabilongame for your kind words and advice. It really helped to have someone to talk to, and you're right - I know that it's not his life he wants to end, just the pain. I just hope he will do what he did this time if he feels like that again, and talk to someone.

    Don't know what to expect tomorrow but I will just give him a big hug I think.

    Thank you x
    agathamorse and cissy3 like this.
  17. jubilee

    jubilee Star commenter

    cissy3- if your father has low savings and only the State pension coming in (or the State pension and very modest occupational ones), you should get him assessed for the Minimum Income Guarantee. My mother-in-law resisted claiming for years and finally did it when you could apply by phone rather than fill in forms. It added around £50 per week to her income and gave her extra coldweather payments and things like free glasses and dentistry and reimbursement of travel to hospital costs.
    She later got Attendance Allowance and that is not counted as income for means-tested benefits, so her Minimum Income Guarantee top-up payments remained in place.

    If your father is unwilling to sanction the sale of his house, would he allow you to sell off items of value to supplement his care home fees?
    Check with the Council if they will cancel his Council Tax for a while. There should be the possibility of getting 6 months free if the property is unoccupied (but it may have to be empty of furniture).

    You should also read the small print of his house insurance as conditions do apply for an unoccupied property. You may be able to stay withing the rules if you spend a night there every month.

    If your father's health deterioates, be sure to check out if the NHS Continuing Healthcare Funding will kick in again.
    agathamorse and cissy3 like this.
  18. cissy3

    cissy3 Star commenter

    That was me yesterday!
    I find it hard to talk to people I know, so I was really pouring it out. And got some really excellent advice from people.

    @JessicaRabbit1 Wishing you all the best. (Been reading back a bit, and felt so sorry)

    @Lara mfl 05 Thanks for the 'watched thread' info. It is now on my 'watched' list!
  19. littlejackhorner

    littlejackhorner Occasional commenter

    I don't know if all councils have the same policy but for our council we don't have to pay any council tax. As my mother in law is in a care home she is exempt and there is no time limit nor did we have to empty the house.
    agathamorse, Lara mfl 05 and cissy3 like this.
  20. cissy3

    cissy3 Star commenter

    Thanks @jubilee

    Hadn't heard about that, so will look into it!

    Dad has already had a Cold Weather Payment, and I need to give it back to the DWP 'cos he didn't qualify for it, as he was in the care home by then. I must look into the Council Tax stuff too.

    I think I've been slow with all this stuff, because I think we both thought that Dad would go back to 'normal' at home, but I think we've been deluding ourselves.

    I don't think there is anything of real value, if I'm honest. (But only yesterday, he was against me cutting off the 'phone line. He wants to keep everything as it was, and keep paying unnecessary bills, sadly.

    He was very depressed today about being 'trapped' in his room. Other days he is cheerful. It's heart rending really, but I know you all know this.

    As you say @littlejackhorner councils differ too. (I won't go on any more--- I rather dominated the thread yesterday!)

    Once again, thanks to everyone for all your helpful comments.
    agathamorse likes this.

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