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Constant tale telling

Discussion in 'Primary' started by rainbowstripes, Feb 6, 2012.

  1. My children (year R) have recently started telling tales on eachother. It is especially centring around a few boys ( who will sometimes hurt eachother etc) but it's constant tale telling... I don't know what to do to stop it. Worst culprit is a boy who tells me about everything , even the tiniest little thing e.g. Stuck her tongue out etc. his mum mentioned in passing she has told him to report anything rather than retaliating so that is what he is doing. Any tips on how to stop this behaviour?
     
  2. My children (year R) have recently started telling tales on eachother. It is especially centring around a few boys ( who will sometimes hurt eachother etc) but it's constant tale telling... I don't know what to do to stop it. Worst culprit is a boy who tells me about everything , even the tiniest little thing e.g. Stuck her tongue out etc. his mum mentioned in passing she has told him to report anything rather than retaliating so that is what he is doing. Any tips on how to stop this behaviour?
     
  3. modgepodge

    modgepodge Established commenter

    No, but I'm following this thread as I have the exact same problem in my class. Tbh, when someone says "X just put their tongue out at me" I tend to respond, "That's not very polite but I expect you'll survive." If they come show me some minor "injury" which I can't see, I tend to (jokingly!!) threaten to chop it off, at which point they giggle and run away.
     
  4. Ohhhhhhhhhhh it's sooooooooo frustrating! Especially when you're doing PSHCE and, of course, you drill into the kids: 'If you're being bullied, you MUST tell an adult.' Then they're telling tales for the SLIGHTEST things that really don't matter, but you can't think how to explain that there's a difference between stuff they do need to tell you, and stuff that's just STUPID!!!!!
    I've also sussed that some of mine (Y3) use telling an adult as a form of bullying in itself. Some of them make up stuff and come to me or other adults with it. But usually, you have no idea whether they're making it up. I absolutely hate it. I hate the idea that children will manipulate like this, and that either horrid behaviour is going unpunished, or someone is being wrongly-scolded.
    Parents add to the stress. I've had parents coming in to complain about sanctions I gave their children (e.g. one mother came in to have words when I removed 5 mins of her daughter's Golden Time after I WATCHED her pull a chair out from underneath her classmate!), and parents complaining their child is being picked on and telling adults but nobody is doing anything.
    I was going to suggest a jotter for the children to write down their tattle-tailing in, but not going to work for YR. Could you ask this child to come back and tell you in 5 or 10 minutes, or at the end of the lesson - cos he'll probably forget unless it really WAS important? Like hmm I dunno. Have some kind of really special reason why there has to be this waiting period!? EYFS is scary!
     
  5. emilystrange

    emilystrange Star commenter

    @ modgepodge... i do that!
    someone i met recently said that she has a notebook that she tells chn to write down their tales in. then sort of 'forgets' about them...
     
  6. I work in an inclusive setting and we have a number of 3 & 4 yr olds who also have behavioural difficulties. We talk about behaviours which we feel may occur on a daily basis and try and teach the children strategies to either prevent or deal with the situations themselves for example - tongue pulling: we tell the children to say 'stop' or "that's not kind". We then tell the children if it carries on or they are upset by it then tell a teacher. Pushing is a big issue at the moment for our setting so we have role played a situation and got the children to think of ways they can tell another child to stop. We also tell the children it's OK to say " your hurting me" or "pulling your tongue out is not kind!" It does take time though...the children are using some of the strategies now and it's over a term into the year but it does continually need to be addressed. Sometimes if it is a very articulate child I will actually say " What do you need to tell 'Bob' about that behaviour?" or I have even said "I bet you can sort that out yourself!" Again every class is different and you'll know what will work but circle time (sometimes) needs to be dedicated to these issues just so the children can get it off their chest! I know it's draining!
     

  7. Personally, I think the only way to deal with the issue is to take the time (I know this is difficult to find but it will pay off in the end!) to really teach these skills – with stories, discussion and scenarios and give children opportunities to practice them through role play etc. I think that children need to learn the difference between serious bullying and occasional nasty comments or thoughtless behaviour (like pushing etc) as this is an inevitable part of life (however much we should try to protect children from it) and a good way they can do this is through stories that de-personalise the issues they face and role-play – perhaps using puppets.
    We should teach children how to turn put-downs into compliments, turn a nasty remark into a joke or say something effective and powerful back to someone who is being unkind to them as this will be far more useful in the future than simply telling them to ‘tell the teacher’. We also need to teach children why it is better to be kind to others (for them and everyone else) and show – again through stories etc – why we need other people and how society wouldn’t work if we all went around pushing and shoving one another. It takes time and repetition unfortunately!
    Whilst we don’t have a story that specifically addresses the issue of telling tales (yet!) the following might be helpful (some designed for KS2 but can be adapted for younger children)





     
  8. I've taken to turning it back to the child and asking: Why are you telling me that? I say it calmly and politely so that the children hopefully know I'm not cross/can't tell I'm irritated. If they respond with, "Because it hurt my feelings," etc, I address it by telling the child to ignore it and say that I will have a quiet word with the other child when it is appropriate. If they stare at me I say, "If you can't tell me WHY you're telling me that, maybe you need to go away and have a think about it." Essentially I try to draw the child's attention to what they are doing and hopefully make them more aware of how irritating their own behaviour can be. It's having a reasonably good impact at the moment.
     

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