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constant arguing with husband over his sister..........

Discussion in 'Personal' started by seren_dipity, Nov 21, 2011.

  1. It's what grown ups do. Polite grown ups do it really well. The ability to grit one's teeth and be civil to those we dislike when manners dictate that it is the right thing to do is a lifeskill. Sadly, it's a lifeskill far too many people lack.
     
  2. And one teachers should have loads of practice at...Good morning, 4D4...
     
  3. jubilee

    jubilee Star commenter

    By constantly arguing about the sister-in-law, the OP is giving that person undue prominence in her life. Why?
    There was a clue in one post, mentioning her husband's wallet. Is he giving her money that you can ill afford to spare? That's a different issue than not liking the woman when her brother is attached to her.
     
  4. I'm not going to repeat the advice given already, but there is some good advice on here - maybe not phrased the way you would want, OP, but still...

    Thinking of ending your three month marriage because you don't get on with SIL is just plain daft. And really, how unhappy can this be making you? I dislike several people I have to see on a regular basis and it doesn't cause me that much stress. Maybe there's more to your story, I dunno. :-/
     
  5. Just remembered why I stopped using Chrome. No paragraphs, no link facility and no other stuff I use regularly. Bah.
     
  6. Another thought. Relationships change over the years. I met my brother-in-law 30 years ago and he was a right little sh1t. However, over the years we have become very close and I would do anything for him.
    I thought the minimum age for marriage was 16. Reading the OP it seems it has been lowered to about 12.
     
  7. They say blood is thicker than water. If you attack your husband's sister you are levelling a criticism at his family. We are all quick to defend our family however mad/bad/barmy they are.
    He will defend his sister. Although he may not be able to see any fault in her? Love is blind so they say. ....
    I can sympathise with you. As everyone says. You don't have to like her, but don't let her annoy you or she will make you so unhappy.

     
  8. Some of the replies here are unpleasant.
    If you really don't like her then I can understand how it would get to you but why is it getting to you? There seems to be more here than meets the eye.
    You marry into a family and they come as a package. If she's doing something that affects both of you, such as borrowing money that would pay your bills, then its fair enough to object but otherwise I'm afraid you'll just have to grin and bear it. Staying out of her way is all you can do.
     
  9. Just imagine how you would feel if your husband starting criticising someone in your family. What tends to happen is that we get defensive if someone says something about our own relatives (even those who irritate the hell out of us). It sort of feels like a personal attack and I am guessing that your husband is well aware of his sister's faults but your criticism is causing him to become entrenched in his support for her.
    Maybe a different approach might help the situation. Hard as it is try to bite your tongue and he may stop feeling harassed and harangued. Speak to him reasonably about any money that is going to his sister and say that you would prefer him to discuss any donations before they are given. If you deal with this reasonably and calmly you may be able to set some limits to the amount of time you spend with his sister.
    I would think that most people in relationships have to a greater or lesser extent felt challenged by their in laws. My husband's sister has pinged her way from one bad relationship to another, spent much of her life losing jobs and getting into debt. Families often get into a habit of 'caring' for challenging family members and that is just the way it goes. In the early years of our marriage it often felt like an episode of a soap opera.
    However I love my husband, it is not his fault his sister is the way she is. You make a vow for 'better or worse' and believe me from my viewpoint of thirty years of marriage you will find plenty of <u>real </u>challenges to test your relationship.
    Marriage is not about 'winning' and getting your way. It is not about him proving he loves you more than his sister.You simply have to decide do I love this man enough to tolerate his difficult sister.
    Hope you manage to sort this issue out.[​IMG]

     
  10. I have no in-laws yet but have no automatic expectations of liking them. I've liked some of my siblings' boy/girlfriends and some I've not. I wouldn't be expecting them to march the new squeeze in front of me for my approval, or for them to approve of me. If you've always been close to your brother I can understand how you might of slightly expected them to pick one that you would like too but I'm afraid it just doesn't work like that!
    Just make a real big effort to get on with them for your brother's sake, as part of being a nice sister.
     
  11. jubilee

    jubilee Star commenter

    It's her husband's sister that she doesn't get on with not her brother's wife!
     
  12. Sorry! But same as! You don't choose 'em either side! Be a nice wife - he didn't choose her either!
     

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