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Commitment

Discussion in 'Personal' started by TEACHER16, Feb 11, 2012.

  1. TEACHER16

    TEACHER16 New commenter

    I have been with my other half almost 5 years and I really want to get married and begin a family. However, whenever I mention this to my other half he brushes it aside. He would happily have a baby but marriage seems to scare him. How long were you together before you got engaged or married?
     
  2. TEACHER16

    TEACHER16 New commenter

    I have been with my other half almost 5 years and I really want to get married and begin a family. However, whenever I mention this to my other half he brushes it aside. He would happily have a baby but marriage seems to scare him. How long were you together before you got engaged or married?
     
  3. doomzebra

    doomzebra Occasional commenter

    engaged after 6 weeks, married after two years, 20th anniversary this year
     
  4. Interesting that the bigger of the two commitments doesn't scare him. No point in measuring it against other people: I was with my ex five years before we parted ways, my mother and stepfather are now divorcing after a whirlwind relationship followed by a long engagement and over a decade of marriage, a friend of mine recently became engaged to her long distance relationship after six months of open relationship and another friend just moved in with her long term partner and is trying to figure out when best to do the marriage and babies thing to suit both of their careers... You need to talk to your boyfriend and find out where you both are and what it means.
     
  5. Ruthie66

    Ruthie66 New commenter

    Together for 6 months when we got engaged (he'd asked me after 3 months and I told him to ask me again when he was sober, 3 months later I got fed up of waiting* and asked him!)
    Got married 13 months later and have now been married 17.5 years.
    As Alliandra said - interesting that he'd have a baby but not get married- is he really committed to everything having a baby entails?
    * for him to ask me not to be sober!
     
  6. lilachardy

    lilachardy Star commenter

    What's the point of getting married?
     
  7. Ruthie66

    Ruthie66 New commenter

    I think it is a mark of commitment and if the man in question is prepared to have a child but not prepared to get married I'd be wary.
     
  8. In my experience it's not quite the commitment you think. My husband was prepared to both get married and have children but it didn't stop him being uncommitted throughout our (sham) marriage. I'm now of a mind that marriage is simply a formality that isn't really worth it in the long run. I know that some people find marraige a long-lasting and fulfilling thing to go into but I do wonder if they'd have been just as happy, long-lasting and fulfilled if they had not married but cohabited instead.
     
  9. I've been with my husband for about twelve years. We lived together for nine, had a baby, then got married last September...

    I like being married.
     
  10. Me too!
    I have been with my husband for 14 years, living together for 6 years, married for 2 years! I was 3 months pregnant when we got married, everything seemed to come at once after waiting a long time for it! I wanted to get married ages before my husband did, at one point he said he didn't believe in getting married and having children. Now he has both he says its the best thing that's happened to him!
    Its right for us but not for everyone!
     
  11. oldsomeman

    oldsomeman Star commenter

    I courted for 2 years,got enged for 9 months, married and moved in same day we married....now 35 years this summer.
    Do i like being married.......yes .sometimes..........no when i want to have my final fling at doing things in life......overall 7.5 out of 10 lol
     
  12. I was with my ex husband for 23 yrs in total. He asked me to marry him (back in the '70s) after knowing me for all of a month. I said no, (to engagement at that point) but we got engaged eventually...My marriage made me very unhappy and his lack of commitment and selfish, aggressive behaviour still hurts, given we had three children together. I thought it was for life and was never unfaithful...but it took AGES to steady the family boat after he'd capsized it. I was wary and delighted to discover I was a strong woman and perfectly OK on my own.
    Now I am engaged again....have known my lovely fiancee for seven years...going on eight now...and we got engaged... ummmm...four(?) years ago. It's a lovely ring but guess who hasn't had one single urge to make wedding arrangements? [​IMG]
    In response to the OP if you cannot agree together on the level of commitment you want....don't push for more. You both have to want it and having a baby to show the world you are together isn't fair on anyone. If he doesn't want marriage that's fair enough. At least he has the courage to say so.
     
  13. Congratulations!!
     
  14. lurk_much

    lurk_much Occasional commenter

    yer big softie[​IMG]

     
  15. Thanks CK. I had a long engagement first time round too. [​IMG]
    Not sure if I am a commitment-phobe or not. The ring signifies togetherness and fidelity, which suits us both.
    I have told family not to bother buying hats just yet....[​IMG]
     
  16. Engaged after about 5 months after meeting for the first time, married after about 9 months, bought a house together after about 10 months - so all done within a year. Been married over five years now.
     
  17. magic surf bus

    magic surf bus Star commenter

    For us it was about five and a half years between meeting and marriage. It would have been less, but our courses/jobs were in places that made it impossible for us to share the same house, so we waited. Our engagement was only a few months, and almost a formality ;-)
     
  18. By the time we got married 3 years ago, we'd been together 12 years. I was 18 when I met the 21 year old Mr Woo. We're both in our mid thirties now but he kept mentioning having a baby/getting married when I was about 24 to which I said no way, so I was the one who was stalling. Not sure why as my parents are still so in love after 40+ years so it's not as if I'd experienced a marriage end etc.
    For me personally I wasn't interested in starting a family without getting married, I really feel it's made a difference to our relationship. Our family plans haven't gone to plan unfortunately but I couldn't imagine not being married.
     
  19. We got engaged after being together for two and a half years and married after being together for three years. I was three months pregnant at our wedding x
     
  20. jeswes

    jeswes New commenter

    I was with my ex four years, he kept saying he wanted marriage and babies but in the end he was a massive committment phobe and we split up.
     

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