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Code word or good stopping sentence needed...

Discussion in 'Personal' started by anon3372, Aug 21, 2012.

  1. Thanks Alenga.
    Honestly, I have done all you say with her before.
    I shall nod, shift, etc AGAIN.
    I never lose it - never, ever in my job. And I am very solution orientated.
    She unfortunately, is not!
    She is prestige orientated and likes to have her name everywhere as the person doing things.
    She will be disappointed. I am withdrawing 2 areas of responsibility from her and leaving her with one.
    If she cannot cope with ONE, she is off the team.
     
  2. Have your reasons ready to justify - for the changes of responsibility - and if possible allow her to 'save face'.
    The way you are saying it now sounds confrontational...... try to avoid that because that allows her to 'lose it'. Did I say dont sit opposite her....
    Keep focus on the bullit points and solutions and actions. - as positive 'lets all get this done'. Future not past.
    All the best with it.
     
  3. chriszwinter1

    chriszwinter1 New commenter

    She's a bully and a manipulative one at that. You answered the question in your first post, when you said that telling her straight was the right thing to, especially as the managers in post 5 are buck passing cowards. The only thing that will work is consistency from everyone.
     
  4. That is not what I am going to say to her - that is what I have decided for myself.
    I CAN justify and validate everything - we have a team log. As you saw above, my suggestion to her would be that if she has no time, she can suggest someone to replace her but also that she can suggest her own deadlines and I will check viability.
    This has been going on for 6 months - there comes a time where you just cannot dilly dally anymore.
    Either she gets to grip with it, or I will have to kick her off the team (aka she can resign). The rest of the team is suffering and I cannot allow that to happen any longer.
    btw - when I say she has to leave the team - she doesn't lose her job.
    She would just be off this interdepartmental project.

     
  5. Oh, she is a bully and manipulative!
    But that doesn't work with me.
    She is being "watched" by HR. I hate it all, I really do.
    I feel like a bleddy spy, but I made my reservations about her 18 months ago before she got her contract!
     
  6. chriszwinter1

    chriszwinter1 New commenter

    HR are a waste of time. It's the people who can take action who should be doing this, not passing the buck to you because "you can cope". The bully gets away with it because those with the power to do something about her aren't up to the task and because she has a full repertoire of tricks to use when denying, defending and deflecting.
    I don't see why you should have been landed with this. Your resolve not to put up with it any longer needs support from your managers. Your work and the others in your team depend on that support so that you can all concentrate on the task.
     
  7. oggiehurler

    oggiehurler New commenter

    Why did I think this was going to be a "50 shades" thread ?
     
  8. oggiehurler

    oggiehurler New commenter

    I thought this was going to be a "50 shades" thread.
     
  9. oggiehurler

    oggiehurler New commenter

    Apologies for double post. Computer being very odd.
     
  10. I used to have to manage someone who would always try to move off topic. I used to say something along the lines of: -

    "That sounds very interesting, but today we'll be sticking to the current agenda. If you want to discuss your point at length please feel free to make an appointment in my calendar". She never did.

    Are you able to send her off and tell her to come back when she is in a position to work?
     
  11. oggiehurler

    oggiehurler New commenter

    On a more serious note - start the meeting with telling everyone when the meeting is going to stop. A definate time. If it starts at 9 - its going to stop at 10. Or half 9.
    "Thank you for you opinions. They are certainly worth considering. Now - next on the agenda is...."
    I seem to remember on some course or other that "reflecting" someone or what someone is saying is a good way of shutting them up - it shows that you have heard what they have said and understand it and have taken it on board.
    Miss Annoying "I really have a quite wide knowledge of toe nail grooming. I have been toe nail grooming for the last seventy billion years. When the previous head was here. That was before your time. I think that we should start a weekly inspection of all staff's toe nails and introduce a grading system to weed out unsatisfactory toe nails."
    You reflect what they have said.
    You in charge : " I understand that you have a great number of years of experience in the area of toe nail clipping. Other collegues have told me that you have often led in this area. A weekly inspection of staff's toenails is an interesting idea, as is the grading system. I shall certainly consider your suggestions when I make my final decision as team leader."
     
  12. chriszwinter1

    chriszwinter1 New commenter

    Be suspicious, be very supicious. Remember, she's a manipulative bully and it could be part of her tactics.
    On the other hand, things may be looking up. Well done.
     
  13. I am absolutely convinced it is tactic.
    However, my project is important to me - if she does what she is supposed to, my project wins (and I AM keeping a watchful eye and as I said yesterday, I have taken two things off her and left her with one, which I can cope with myself is she leaves the team).
    If she falls from the wayside again, she is definitely off the project as of mid October. That is the deadline I have set. This is absolutely her last chance.
    But I am trying to stay positive - maybe she has seen the light at last. We will see!
    But I can ALSO do tactics if need be!

     

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