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Co-sleeping with a new born baby

Discussion in 'Personal' started by newposter, Jan 19, 2012.

  1. newposter

    newposter Occasional commenter

    I know that the official advise ranges from very cautious to simply "don't", but I was wondering what other people on here thought; hopefully from personal experience.
    Is it safe or advisible to take a brand new baby (who will not go down despite hours of trying) in the bed with you?
    I did it last night, with no pillows on the bed and our new born in the middle of us, we all slept much better. But am I taking a risk?
  2. newposter

    newposter Occasional commenter

    I know that the official advise ranges from very cautious to simply "don't", but I was wondering what other people on here thought; hopefully from personal experience.
    Is it safe or advisible to take a brand new baby (who will not go down despite hours of trying) in the bed with you?
    I did it last night, with no pillows on the bed and our new born in the middle of us, we all slept much better. But am I taking a risk?
  3. Doglover

    Doglover Occasional commenter

    All parents have probably done it at some stage or other, I know I certainly have, but that was before there warning about links to Sudden Infant Death. I don't know that I would do it now.
    I suppose it really is up to you, but if I was going to do it, I wouldn't use pillows or a quilt, but a sheet and blanket.
    I know that I never slept that well, when we had one of ours in bed with us, because we didn't use a quilt, and I was freezing, as well as being worried about hurting them.
  4. I know how desperate you feel when they just won't stop crying!!! Baby D is 3 weeks old today and I've had a few nights where he's wanted constant feeding so Ive just taken him into bed and fed him lying down! The advice is don't but I keep the covers off and have my arm round him so I don't role onto him. I also keep him on my side and not in between us, which is apparently safer... Doglover is right though, it doesn't make for a very restful night as you're conscious of them there.
  5. newposter

    newposter Occasional commenter

    Thanks for the advice, his cries really cut through the bone in the middle of the night! We did all sleep very well together in the bed (espeically little un), but I don't want it to be a habit really. I think it was more important we got some sleep more than anything last night, as it I knew we'd function better today.
  6. Yeah I think that's more to the point. You can cope with so much more if you can get a good nights sleep. Once in a while, taking some precautions safetywise to ensure babe doesnt overheat etc, I cant see it being a massive problem :) x

    Btw, don't know if you know about it already but there's a TES Winter babies group that I started on FB. Loads of laughs and good advice on stuff like this. If you haven't joined us already then maybe think about it :)
  7. newposter

    newposter Occasional commenter

    Thanks Dolly, I will.
    He is beautifully asleep now in his moses basket, with us washing up and chatting and listening to the DAB.
    Anyone got any thoughts why he can sleep in his basket during the day and an earthquake won't wake him up, but at night he can't bare to be in it?
    My only thought is that he simply finds it harder in the dark and quiet of the night to feel close to us, but during the day our background noise is reassuring? Angel by day, little devil by night.
    To add to this theory he slept amazingly well in our bed, didn't even stir or so much as gurgle for over four hours - I just felt his little hand reaching out to touch my face and chest occassionally.
  8. That's great :) we'd love to have you :) Here's the link:

    I know what you mean! It's hard when they seem so content in your bed, isn't it?! I'm amazingly lucky that my little lad slept through the last 2 nights so I actually have had some sleep!!!!! Bliss!
  9. Doitforfree

    Doitforfree Star commenter

    Mine used to do this too! I never understood it. Little blighters. I was like you and occasioanlly took a baby into bed with me just to get some sleep, but I never slept very well as I was conscious of them being there. But everything we do is a balancing act, for example, taking them in the car is a relatively big risk but almost everyone does. Taking them into bed once in a while is not an enormous risk and you do need some sleep sometime! I'm sure it's more natural, even if there is a risk. Mind you, I have a friend with three children under six and they all sleep in the same bed, and her husband sleeps on the floor! That's probably why they've not had any more.
  10. You could try having a CD playing white noise next to the moses basket at night. Babies love background/white noise - it might help hin go to/stay asleep. Worth a try.
    I sometimes brought my baby in with me to feed. I know some women can breastfeed lying down, even falling asleep, but I just couldn't do it for a sustained period. Still, it was a bit better than sitting bolt upright for hours while husband snored next to me. A very lonely feeling, that...
  11. It's a bad idea. Get the small person into a routine of sleep or your life will be destroyed forever.
  12. jubilee

    jubilee Star commenter

    Why not put your son in his Moses basket and place that on top of your duvet between the two of you? He'll still sense your proximity and you can also have your hand on him but there won't be any danger of him overheating , of you rolling on him or of him rolling over onto his face in the dip of the mattress.
    It will also ease any transition to more 'distant' sleeping as he will retain the familiarity of the Moses basket when it is placed in the cot
  13. Lara mfl 05

    Lara mfl 05 Star commenter

    We had the Moses basket right to the bed when mine were that little, Admittedly we had someone who could make a stand for the basket and it could be moved out of the way when i got up in the morning.
    Then after a couple of months moved to end of bed, then into the corner. When they moved to their own room I played a radio, so there was 'background noise' and at first put the Moses basket inside the cot. We also had a little bedtime routine-a revolving musical mobile, which always played on putting them down to sleep (day or night) and that became the 'signal' for 'sleeptime. Quite easy to put on quickly when they woke up.they still refer to the 'Tinkle-tinkle' (their baby name for it) which used to send them to sleep.Technology has moved on since them and I'm sure there's something you could rig up. Once the 'signal for sleep' becomes established it <u>should</u> get easier!
  14. Seadream

    Seadream New commenter

    We had ours in bed with us every now and then and they always slept better (not sure I did though but you will sleep as you're so tired!). I also had the moses basket/crib right next to my side of the bed so I could give them a stroke if they stirred and they could hear me and Mr S breathing (snoring) close by. You can also easily heave them over into the bed if necessary without having to get up. We had this set up for the first 6 weeks I think, then into own room. Remember advice about childcare changes every few years, so just use common sense and your gut feeling. You'll do fine.
  15. madenglishgirl

    madenglishgirl New commenter

    Couldn't agree more......perseverance is the key!
  16. My boy just wouldn't sleep unless he was in contact with either of us - a hand or foot constantly stretched out to touch one of us. I think he was in his Moses basket asleep for about 20 minutes and his cot was a place I put him when I took a bath, so I knew where he was and that he'd be safe.

    So, he slept in our bed so we all could get some sleep but then we couldn't get him out - he was two before we got him to sleep by himself and then it was in a travel cot.

    He's 14 now and still not good at going to bed - although getting him up in the morning is sometimes more of a challenge.
  17. newposter

    newposter Occasional commenter

    Thanks Jubilee, some interesting advice. Thanks everyone else, I think there is a slight majority saying "no".
    My main concern, as others have mentioned, is making a rod for my own back. But as I said, if the choice is two distressed parents and mother thinking she's a bad mum (which breaks my heart as well!) and getting some sleep all together I'll have in bed again. Tonight we're trying hard again on the basket, but if after hours of trying and crying it's not working we will have to do the same again...
  18. oldsomeman

    oldsomeman Star commenter

    As an old father.mine now grown up , we used to keep the little ones in his basket at the end of the bed..and if really tetchy bring him/her into the middle of the bed.Suprisingly we never did roll on him/her. As time went by they slept better and was easier to manage and then the main problem we had was night time clamber ins when they toddling...we did lock the bedroom door to stop being disturbered.but when my wife found the boy fast asleep outside the bed room door one morning we never locked it again.Eventually you wean them of visiting and sleeping with you.
    Mind you babies are the best controceptive around lol
  19. Utter rubbish.
    Going to disagree totally- routines may work for some, they don't work for all...every baby is different and breastfeeding may make a routine very hard in the first weeks. I hate it when anyone says this is how you should do something - usually followed by the smug old cliche 'rod for your own back...' That always makes me want to turn to violence.
    I did co-sleep with my daughter on and off for 6 months- and now at 18 months she sleeps in her own bed fine- we all get enough sleep and always have done, aside from the newborn days. In Japan they generally have family beds and co-sleeping is the norm. Certainly our sleep has not been ruined.
    It may not be for everyone, but neither is a routine. At the start it is about getting through the days- gradually it gets easier and we all find our own way, certailly ignore the doom spreaders. Some nights in your own bed will not mean your sleep is ruined forever.
    There are guidelines for safety- no drink, drugs or smoking... no pillows or duvets.
    So, if it works, it works... It is up to you
  20. Doglover

    Doglover Occasional commenter

    My 10 year old started co-sleeping with us on a regular basis when she was about 18 months.
    We didn't get her moved into her own bed, until she was almost 9. She still occasionally comes and sleeps with me now!

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