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Christmas Dinner with two PhDs

Discussion in 'Teaching abroad' started by Mainwaring, Nov 22, 2009.

  1. tuanjim

    tuanjim New commenter

    What be wrong with cruel an' unnatural punishment? Especially for you so-called educated gentlemen 'oo aint heard of METONYMY wot my seagoin' dictionary do define as 'substituting the name of an attribute or feature for the name of the thing itself'. As in:
    Bosun Pharaoh and 'is mates is a load of deck-heads.
    Cap'n Mainbracing's Aunty Lily be a bit of a scrubber.
    Admiral Clovis be the interleckshual anchor of this 'ere forum.
    Australia be the flagship of international educashun. (I likes a larf, I does).
    And, of course, I lunched with two PhDs (Portsmouth dockers).

  2. Well I, for one, was convinced that MW was going to sit down to dine in (almost) solitary splendour, accompanied only by two nicely-framed degrees, standing up in their frames at two place settings on the other side of the table. Weren't you?
  3. ...............tumbleweeds..........
  4. bigfatgit

    bigfatgit Occasional commenter

    Now that was a band!
  5. I say M/FP - this Nedkelly follow sounds like a frightful oik. I might have a word with the General Governor the next time we meet at Australia House for pimms and cucumber sandwiches. Clovis happens to be an esteemed colleague, Ned; it is right and proper that he is mentioned in these threads.

  6. i mean 'fellow'
  7. Oi, Dazzler, you big fairy. Ned's ok; Aussie, but ok. He tends to go off on his 'we are great' rants, which he finds intersting. I use them instead of sleeping tablets.
    What are you up to this break, you old queen?

  8. Off to the seaside and you FP?
    I find Ned's comment about Professor Clovis rather irksome! We have to keep his sort in line you know FP. Give this chap an inch and he'll want to take all kinds in liberties!

  9. Mainwaring

    Mainwaring Lead commenter

    It's a quaint picture, sidinz (I know a Syd from Ince near Wigan, btw. Not you by any chance?) but I suspect that Prof Clovis was being a tiny bit provocative, which is what he does from time to time. Earlier this week I received in my TES inbox an invitation to reveal my email ID to a mysterious person who claims to have been around the Forum for years but has never posted. Now call me suspicious, but I could have sworn I heard the rumble of a distant JCB.
    Talking of coat-trailing, Bobby, I suspect that you have a secret yen for Ned the handsome bushranger. It must be the beard.
    Pharaoh, I envy you those jars of the real stuff in sunny Beds. Why not take Hobo with you? His idea of British beer seems to be his under-age memories of Watneys 'draught' Red Barrell (perhaps so called because of its windy influence and general effect on the waistline).
  10. stopwatch

    stopwatch Lead commenter

    My brother is a '***' he is coming over to Dubai for the Eid break for a faux Christmas as I wont see him in UK over the festive break (I will be in India).
    Although he is a '***' we will be resorting to coarse language and plenty of toilet humour. For him it is a release. For me it is normal behaviour.
    My son is coming over too. He is not a '***' or a 'MSc' or a 'MAaaaa' or a 'BeD' or a 'BSc' or a 'BAaaaaa'. He will join in too.
    We will have fun.
  11. stopwatch

    stopwatch Lead commenter

    Flippin 'eck how sensitive is the censor?? the asterisks are for me putting in F u D as an alternative for PhD (pronounced Phud).
    Maybe they thought it was eff ewe see kay?
  12. Mainwaring

    Mainwaring Lead commenter

    Where in India? Mrs M and I spent four years there and have good friends in Delhi, Mumbai, Jaipur and Assam.
  13. It's a picture garnered from watching one too many American telemovies where a deceased father-of-the-bride was represented by a massive framed portrait, at both the wedding ceremony and at the dinner.
    Nope, definitely not yours truly. In fact, I'm not even of an appropriate gender to be a Syd/Sid.
  14. stopwatch

    stopwatch Lead commenter

    Goa, visiting family. The outlaws come from there
  15. Mainwaring

    Mainwaring Lead commenter

    Enjoy! Mainwaring Minor used to be a Goa goer in both senses of the word until, ironically, a Dutch hippie lady pinned him down to the reality of earning an honest crust in Brighton, which I suppose is a sort of chilly Goa with pebbles. My Goan PA in India (we still keep in touch) was called Mrs Paes, which is both Portuguese and Catalá for 'campesino' so we've something in common.
    Not all Sids are male, sidinz. (I once chatted on a longhaul flight with a black lady called Sidney (or Sidonie) one of whose family members had sued Mr Spielberg for inflinging her 'Amistad' copyright). Sorry you're not from Ince. It would have added an exotic touch to the forum.

  16. What? The South Island of NZ is not exotic?
    And do enlighten me - is the infinitive of 'inflinging', to infling or inflinge? I want to get my mental picture correct....
  17. Mainwaring

    Mainwaring Lead commenter

    Compared with Ince, Wigan, the Democratic Republic of Aspull and other places where pith helmets are still worn and English seldom heard? Not a chance.
    I wondered how long it would take you to spot that. I had noticed that instead of typing 'infringe' I'd invented a new verb but I liked it enough to let it stand.
    Infling (vt) interject contemptuously (Anglo Saxon); feed (e.g. seals in an enclosure) with mackerel (Old Norse).
    Inflinge (vt) inflict the type of punishment which causes the victim to cower (Old French).
    I feel that both might appeal to Prof Clovis.
  18. Dear thread keeper/s

    I write to you expressing my gravest fears for the readers of your thread. For some time now my distinguished colleagues have been engaged in research into the effects of extreme vapidity on the health of one's mind and body. The subjects of this study, all volunteers of course, were asked to read without flinching the entire 2000 page discourse on Dr OC Indiana's thesis on the difference between directional and non-directional boring, and to do so with repetition over 2 weeks, without any external distraction. The control group were asked to read, also without flinching, that marvellous Australian novel "The joys of being an Australian", of similar length and style, and over the same period, and conditions.

    After 2 weeks all participants were subjected to a variety of tests, and the results recorded and subjected to considerable analysis. The findings are quite alarming, and of not inconsiderable significance to the readers of this thread. Three results seem particularly pertinent:

    • The experimental subjects became hysterical, hugging the presenter, crying and displaying excessively positive, and heretofore hidden, emotions when presented with unequivocally true statements such as "Why Australia is the best country in which to live and teach!"

    • The control group agreed wholeheartedly with the statement, many going on to suggest that Australia is the ONLY place in which to live and teach.

    • The experimental group were then presented with booklets containing hidden sections of imperfect grammar, and were then asked to spot the split infinitives. They instantly did so before farting profusely, and heralding that they were the true keepers of the King's English. One cheeky chap even suggested that statistics should be compiled on the occurrence of this phenomenon within Australia.

    • The control group were equally as successful at split-spotting, but then complained to the presenter about the unnecessary nature and triviality of the task. Several astute group members went further and suggested the King's English is outdated, and has nothing to do with today's conversational intercourse.

    • The experimental group were then encouraged to tell stories, read aloud, or recite poetry, but this test was cancelled because of successive presenters becoming torporific within the first few words.

    • The control group performed the same task with incredible alacrity. One brave soul went on to recite the Mahabharata, an ancient Indian poem containing over 1.8 million words, and more than one hundred thousand verses.
    Other observations on the experimental group included incontinence, premature ejaculation, baldness, swine flu, halitosis, and excessive dribbling.

    Yours sincerely,

    Emeritus Professor Edward Kelly MA, MSc, Ph. D, D.Sc, MD, LLB
  19. NED! YOU'RE BACK! [​IMG]

    Well it is, it's the Queen's English now you know.
    I strongly object to this slur!
  20. Which is yet another sign of your dotage. Do you really think It was me? I guess you do. Not in a million years squire.

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