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Children born close together

Discussion in 'Parenting' started by emmy_ru, Jan 28, 2011.

  1. I have just had my first LO at New Year and am thinking about the next already! Due to medical reasons we can either go for it now, or I can go back on medication which would realistically mean 18 months before we can start trying again (as I have to be on it for a certain time, then off it again for 6 months before ttc). By which point I will be 34 and will have struggled with my health for those 6 months - also risking leaving it too late fertility-wise. But am I being stupid thinking I could sensibly manage another baby when this one is only 1 (if things work out)? Has anyone got two so close together and how do you feel about it?
     
  2. I have just had my first LO at New Year and am thinking about the next already! Due to medical reasons we can either go for it now, or I can go back on medication which would realistically mean 18 months before we can start trying again (as I have to be on it for a certain time, then off it again for 6 months before ttc). By which point I will be 34 and will have struggled with my health for those 6 months - also risking leaving it too late fertility-wise. But am I being stupid thinking I could sensibly manage another baby when this one is only 1 (if things work out)? Has anyone got two so close together and how do you feel about it?
     
  3. lars

    lars New commenter

    My children (twins) were born 1 minute apart - they don't come much closer together than that!! They're now 2 yrs 8 months and although its been hard work, they are an absolute joy! So if it feels right for you then go for it!!
    My brother and I are only 17 months apart and that was always fine. My mum has always said she never planned it that way and it meant lots of work in terms of practical things like feeding and nappies. I have a friend who has two girls only 13 months apart and she seems to be getting on just fine too (although I did get really offended when she said "on bad days I remind myself it could be worse, I could have twins").
    I think the hardest bit will be when your older child is just learning to walk/be mobile and you're heavily pregnant or caring for a newborn.
     
  4. Chica77

    Chica77 New commenter

    My 2nd baby is due at the end of April when my son will be 22 months old. I know it's bigger than the age gap you're thinking of, but there will always be things to take into consideration whatever the gap. We'll be thinking of potty training our son soon, so have that to worry about as well as having a newborn. At 19 months, he's only just started eating properly, but there's still work to do on that, so I hope having a little sister won't set that back. Also, i won't be putting him in childcare when i'm on maternity leave so i'll have to find ways to entertain him whilst looking after a newborn. (toddler groups I think!!)
    I think a small gap is nice though, and they will be close and have each other for company. There are 22 months between my sister and I, and my mum said that once my sister started to crawl we played together really well, and were always really close and plotting naughty things together! I imagine it would be the same with a smaller age gap.
     
  5. Hi, I have two boys born 14 months apart. They are 2 and (just) 1. I love it, it's the best thing ever. It's such a lot of fun. What I found tricky though was the feeling of total guilt when I left boy 1 to go to hospital to have boy 2 (Elective CS). I felt terrible and worried that I wouldn't be able to give them enough love! Seems totally daft now, and there's probably an element of that with any age gap. I have to say though, I think I'm in the hardest part now, with one starting to have the odd tantrum and the other just starting to walk/climb the stairs etc. AND I'm using reusable nappies - my god, the washing! But on the whole I say go for it, especially if you have a supportive partner/family. Good luck x
     
  6. Hi, I could have written your post as am having the same dilema, i feel very much it is now or never realistically. My little man is 11 months now and i am desperate to try and have another baby before my consultant makes me take proper treatment for my arthritis. He also feels that if I delay now and dont take the medication I could end up doing signficant damage to my body. I am currently faced with 3 stumbling block OH not so keen to have another one at the moment, finance, and job am current DH teacher working full time which is hard enough with one baby let along 1 baby and a toddler.
    I do have a friend who has children in consecutive school years little more than 14 months apart and she says whilst it was hard at the time it is now great.
    Good luck, I am letting nature take it course and if its meant to be it will happen
     
  7. adsa

    adsa New commenter

    I had my 2 boys 16 months apart and it's great, now that they're toddlers they play together all the time. I'm now due no. 3 (a girl), so will have 3 under 3 - eek. It's not as hard as you think...you just have to be organised the night before. I even work 0.5 and intend to go back to work this time too. Go for it x
     
  8. My first two are 19 months apart, and I found it was great as DD1 hadn't really ever got used to being the only one so we never really had any jealousy issues etc. In fact, when I was bf her baby sister she would sit on the sofa with her doll up her t-shirt just so she could join in - though that doll took a fair beating when it was time for winding!

    When my daughters were 4 and 2 1/2, our son arrived followed two years later by our fourth child. It's crazy and loud and exhausting but also very rewarding. I work full time and my husband works part time, a couple of evenings and the weekends. It's hard work, neither of us really gets to spend quality time with the children (we probably do better than most but parent guilt always rears its ugly head!) but we have no choice at the moment, for financial reasons.

    I think, from the bits of detail about your medical history, that's your selling point to OH! I always put it in the age perspective for my hubby - 'If we wait another 2 years, you'll be 54 when they're 18 etc.' Seemed to work :)
     
  9. Hi Emmy,
    We have actually had this conversation this evening. I know eventually I'll need to go back full time, but I wouldn't want to til both kids are in full time school. The further apart they are longer this would be and money to get a larger home would not be possible. We are thinking about trying after the may half term which if are as lucky as we were first time round could mean I return to work in july pregnant! Though wouldn't tell school til sept! Macy was born Nov 8th so the closest they would be would be about 16 months.
    Wouldn't it be funny if we were on the same pg thread again ;-) I only said that a few days ago. x
     
  10. It sounds like you have made up your mind.... and if you don't go for it there is a chance you would really regret it. I would go for it, rather than wonder what could have been.
    There will be hard times,- having two under twos is no mean feat but there will be plenty of fun times as well which will more than make up for it.... but it wouldn't really be any easier having a bigger gap- just different challenges.
    My sister has a 20 month old and a 4 month old and is coping really well.
    Number one will never remember being an only child which is a good thing, I think and they will be able to play together really well.
     
  11. I think it will be hard to start with but will be well worth it in the long run- particularly if you have health problems to consider too. Go for it! All going well there will be 20 months between our two. My friend has 19 months between hers and says it's lovely. Imagine them playing together in a few years with lots in common.
     
  12. I've just re read your post OP- I think you shouldn't delay it til you're 34 as fertility will go down. Don't have any regrets. If health professionals have given you the all clear to have another now rather than after the next course of treatment then I'd say again- go for it!
     
  13. Thanks for all the replies - it's true I have more or less decided it's what I want, but as this is not based on experience I thought I'd see what others had to say.
    sparklefan - my issue is arthritis too (rheumatoid) and I'm normally on enbrel/methotrexate, if that means anything to you - you sound as if you're in pretty much my situation! Dealing with two children with the RA will be a challenge, but better to get the medication-free bit over when they're little and can't run as fast I think! I'll speak to my consultant about whether it's feasible, but might have to be prepared to fight my corner....


     
  14. My OHs stepmum's brothers are 9 months apart and her mother loved it! She fell pregnant 6 weeks after her first and second was born 7 weeks prem. They were in the same year at school and were and are still very close. If you go for it just make sure you take very good care of yourself and get lots of rest!
    x
     
  15. Hi Emmy ru yes methotrexate means something to me, I have managed to pursuade my rheumatologist to delay my treatment using this drug, he has given me something else that he assures me is safe to take whilst trying to get pregnant but has been around since the 1950's and is not as affective but we will try. I have psoratiatic arthritis which ironically went away completely whilst i was pregnant. My consultant advised me to have another baby asap if I wanted one as could do irrepairable damage. Just need to convince OH now,
    Good luck xx PM is you want to
     
  16. My boys, now 27 and 28 are ten and a half months apart. Second son will be 28 before first son is 29.
    Was pretty much like having twins, hard work but well worth it.

     
  17. My 2 are 17mths apart and whilst bits are blinking hard work, like a constantly full wash basket and never ending nappy changing it's getting easier, esp as DS is now mobile. DD is lovely with him, a real littly mummy. They do keep one another entertained and enjoy playing together but sometimes, particularly when they're crying at the same time, I do wonder why me. I just know DD will look out for DS at school and he'll be there to stand up for her too.
     
  18. I can't speak from personal experience as I'm still child free (when I'll tick that box I don't know!) but my mum had us 1 year 2 days apart. Both accidents I gather or, in her words, 'big, 10lb surprises'. It's nopt the way she'd have planned it but like all the other posters say on here, they'll be going through awkward stages at different times regardless of when you have Number 2. Having babysat / nannied in the past for families with children at all ages and stages, I can honestly say I've yet to encounter the 'perfect' combination / timing.
    Advantages of being close together is that, once at school, they'll be going to similar activities at similar ages, there's only be a year or two of one being at secondary and one being at primary, friendship groups may even overlap (ours did), they can look out for each other, what they are taught at school won't vary too much over that time period so that's one less thing to keep abreast of (although we all know on here how quickly that can change)...

    I think your health is the bigger issue here.
     

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