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Cat advice please?

Discussion in 'Personal' started by helenemdee, Jul 21, 2018.

  1. helenemdee

    helenemdee Occasional commenter

    I know there are a lot of cat lovers on these forums and wondered if anyone could offer advice with my cats' relationship issues. I have a female aged 5 who I've had since the age of 7 weeks and a male who's nearly 1. We got him in November after the death of my other cat. Titch, the female, was spayed years back; Lucky, the male, was neutered nearly 2 months ago. They just don't get on at all. Titch used to get on fine with our last cat, who was also female. Lucky is a bit of a playful one and is always after her, jumping up at her, pawing at her and generally irritating her. Not sure if it's because he wants to play or because he's a boy and she's a girl and he still has some of those hormones going around. He has behaved like this with her ever since we got him and she hates it. She spends 99% of her time sitting on the toilet cistern in the downstairs bathroom (random, yes, but she knows he doesn't climb up there) and seems to be losing weight. She has a bald patch on each hind leg, possible from sitting there all the time? She's quite stressed, grooms a lot and has a lot of scabs from where she scratches. Any advice on helping them develop a better relationship so that she can be a bit more 'normal'? TIA
  2. Vince_Ulam

    Vince_Ulam Star commenter

    Have your cats checked for mange and ringworm &c as soon as possible.
  3. rosiecg

    rosiecg Occasional commenter

    We have a similar situation except with two females. Charlie is 6yrs ish and Ellie is about 9mths. We try to make time for individual snuggles with each of them so that they can relax properly. We will put the little one outside the room and shut the door so she can't sneak up on Charlie.

    We also make sure there is a window open during the day so they can each go outside to escape if needed.

    Something which seems to be working is feeding them together on the same plate. At first Charlie would back away but now she shares because she's hungry.

    Only other tip I can think of is google how to introduce a kitten to an older cat and go back to the beginning with their relationship.
  4. mothorchid

    mothorchid Star commenter

    it is very difficult to introduce a new cat into a home where one is already established. The RSPCA and the CPL advise against it, even if the established cat used to get on OK with another one who has died/got lost.
    Titch will indeed be suffering very much from stress; as the male, Lucky takes precedence in the pack, and as a younger, newer cat, he is throwing his weight around. To you it may appear playful, to Titch it is distressing and horrible.
    She needs a "safe" room where he doesn't come in, escape routes and a sense of security. When you put out their food, feed her first and Lucky second, to give her a bit more status.
    It will certainly take a long time, perhaps years, before they tolerate each other, if at all.
    Patience is needed. try asking the vet about the bald patches though, in case they are something else, but I'd guess it was severe stress. Especially if she's been struggling for nine months with the situation.
    Burndenpark likes this.
  5. magic surf bus

    magic surf bus Star commenter

    A vet may tell you the bald patches on the legs are due to stress-induced over grooming. One of our moggies did that for a while, although I can't remember if we had two cats at the time or only her. Our two (females) arrived together but didn't always get on. Because we let them go outside through a cat flap, one became the outdoor cat and the other became the house cat, and their territories didn't cross very often. That way they weren't over-exposed to each other, although we usually kept them in at night, and would often find them sleeping on the same settee.

    You can get a plug in diffuser by Feliway which dispenses calming hormones around the room, and that can sometimes quell the over grooming. Generally it's cheaper to get them and the refills online (eBay and so on) rather than in pet shops or vets. Another thing to consider would be a chip-controlled cat flap on an inner door so your more nervous cat has a place of refuge from the lively one.
  6. Marshall

    Marshall Star commenter

    I have had this experience and I bought Feliway diffuser. I wasn't convinced it would work but it did!
  7. Burndenpark

    Burndenpark Star commenter

    Wot Motherchild said...

    Cats are basically solitary animals, even if they share space they split it on a time basis, but they would really rather not share with new cats, just those they grew up with.
    We tried and failed to introduce a second cat that we'd rescued to the house. Our original, well established one was bullied by him after trying to intimidate him and she tried to leave.
    We found another home for him.

    Both are lovely, but not to each other
  8. irs1054

    irs1054 Star commenter

    We introduced two kittens to our two established cats (sisters). One was OK but the other took one look and walked straight out of the house, spending the next four months camping out in the garden until the weather forced her back in.

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