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Care homes again

Discussion in 'Personal' started by florapost, Jul 20, 2011.

  1. bleurgh - typing will be **** as i have imbibed way too much already and have no intention of stopping
    resume - after 4 mercy dashes to where dad lives - an hour away - and him blind and housebound - i said i could not cope and he needed to live in a care home (he would love to live with us - but i am out all day, and anyway, i would kill him after not too long)
    have found lovely care home 15 minutes drive from here - expensive, but he can afford it - took him there in march, he finally agreed in may, has been paying for his room since 1 june, and faffing about packing up and catually moving ever since
    my brother finslly lost patience 2 weeks ago and said if dad didn't organise a removal firm for next week, he (brother) would. dad didn't - brother did, plus organised tv connection, sky connection, phoneline and told home
    today, dad said he couldn't possibly move as he still has packing to do (he has a carer coming in daily, and has had since christmas, and she's supposed to be packing for him - if she hasn't been, i don't blame her for one minute)
    so - i have said: i will go up tuesday and wednesday and finish his packing.
    .i am sorry he didn't hear what my brother said, but we have both been working to next week. all commercial arrangements are organised. i cannot go the week after as master post is on a course (lie [​IMG] ) , but of course, that will still give me time to troll up to the home and sort stuff out.
    he starts to sniff - i start to sniff (lie again) and say how i really want him near me - what i really want is for him not to drag this out till next christmas. i do not want any more emergency dashes up the motorway. i do not want to have to sort his care and medical issues by phone at lunch time.
    he is self-centred, manipulative and a pain in the **** - all i have done is out-maneouvre him - the daft thing is, once settled, he will have a much happier life
    but oh, i feel like s*it
     
  2. bleurgh - typing will be **** as i have imbibed way too much already and have no intention of stopping
    resume - after 4 mercy dashes to where dad lives - an hour away - and him blind and housebound - i said i could not cope and he needed to live in a care home (he would love to live with us - but i am out all day, and anyway, i would kill him after not too long)
    have found lovely care home 15 minutes drive from here - expensive, but he can afford it - took him there in march, he finally agreed in may, has been paying for his room since 1 june, and faffing about packing up and catually moving ever since
    my brother finslly lost patience 2 weeks ago and said if dad didn't organise a removal firm for next week, he (brother) would. dad didn't - brother did, plus organised tv connection, sky connection, phoneline and told home
    today, dad said he couldn't possibly move as he still has packing to do (he has a carer coming in daily, and has had since christmas, and she's supposed to be packing for him - if she hasn't been, i don't blame her for one minute)
    so - i have said: i will go up tuesday and wednesday and finish his packing.
    .i am sorry he didn't hear what my brother said, but we have both been working to next week. all commercial arrangements are organised. i cannot go the week after as master post is on a course (lie [​IMG] ) , but of course, that will still give me time to troll up to the home and sort stuff out.
    he starts to sniff - i start to sniff (lie again) and say how i really want him near me - what i really want is for him not to drag this out till next christmas. i do not want any more emergency dashes up the motorway. i do not want to have to sort his care and medical issues by phone at lunch time.
    he is self-centred, manipulative and a pain in the **** - all i have done is out-maneouvre him - the daft thing is, once settled, he will have a much happier life
    but oh, i feel like s*it
     
  3. He's backtracking - probably not sure he really wants to move. Old people find moving very difficult, especially if they've lived in one place for a long time. It's a pretty big thing for them to up sticks and leave behind all those memories. They often dont realise how difficult it is for their offspring - who are usually juggling work, children etc. and living at a distance - to keep an eye on them. Dont give up - once he's moved into the care home things will be a lot easier for you.[​IMG]
     
  4. bumblingbee

    bumblingbee New commenter

    I'm moving house this summer after 23 years in the same house. I'm a lot younger than your dad and finding it difficult to leave all the memories behind so he's probably not finding it too easy. Persevere. Once he's moved he'll be fine and might even get a new lease of life.
     
  5. Crowbob

    Crowbob Established commenter

    Best wishes for you, flora.
    Getting old is horrible for everyone involved.
     
  6. bah - climbed down when i'd calmed down of course - i'm not having him blame everything he doesn't like for the rest of his life on me forcing him to move 2 weeks early
    my lovely brother has re-arranged everything for august 10. i'm going up on wednesday and will write the date in marker pen on his walls. i am dreading seeing how much stuff he will be planning to take with him
    as we are going on holiday on the 12th, my sister will have to do all the soothing and settling in

     
  7. anon468

    anon468 New commenter

    Oh flora, lovey - have a big manny hug:
    (((flora)))
    It's such a difficult situation for everyone, but he will be settled in before you know it. And thank God you have supportive siblings who are doing their bit too.
    Do NOT, repeat not feel guilty.
    xx
     
  8. Have a Steffi hug too (((((flora))))

    We're going through this too. Mum in law moves into care home today after 15 weeks on geriatric/Alzheimer's ward. Father-in-law has packed three pairs of trousers, two t-shirts and a cardigan for her. She's doubly incontinent so all three pairs will prob be used by end of day but he can't handle packing any more stuff for her "just in case she gets well enough to come home."

    Appreciate it's difficult for everyone but a bit of common sense would be useful.

    I echo manny's comments - supportive siblings are a must. We've one very supportive one, and one very unsupportive one - no prizes for guessing which one father-in-law takes most notice of!
     

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