In a blatant attempt to ride on the back of the re-booted re-captioned Ladybird books for grown ups, I thought I'd give this topical competition a spin. Here's how it works: 1. Every now and again a scanned picture from a vintage Ladybird book will be posted here, either by me (when I can be **sed) or by anyone else who wants to get involved. 2. You have to re-caption the picture in fine satirical fashion as if it is part of the new Ladybird Book of Teaching. As far as possible you should adopt the classic Ladybird in-house style of writing aimed at a younger readership. 3. After a few months I'll gather all the best captions together, publish them in a best-selling book without acknowledging any of you, then relocate to the south of France on the proceeds.