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Caption contest: The Ladybird Book of Teaching

Discussion in 'Entertainment' started by magic surf bus, Jun 14, 2016.

  1. magic surf bus

    magic surf bus Star commenter

    In a blatant attempt to ride on the back of the re-booted re-captioned Ladybird books for grown ups, I thought I'd give this topical competition a spin.

    Here's how it works:

    1. Every now and again a scanned picture from a vintage Ladybird book will be posted here, either by me (when I can be **sed) or by anyone else who wants to get involved.

    2. You have to re-caption the picture in fine satirical fashion as if it is part of the new Ladybird Book of Teaching. As far as possible you should adopt the classic Ladybird in-house style of writing aimed at a younger readership.

    3. After a few months I'll gather all the best captions together, publish them in a best-selling book without acknowledging any of you, then relocate to the south of France on the proceeds.
    peggylu, delnon, lardylady and 5 others like this.
  2. magic surf bus

    magic surf bus Star commenter

    OK - Picture number one:

  3. grumpydogwoman

    grumpydogwoman Star commenter

    This is what teachers used to look like. Teachers used to have a big stick to beat bad children. If John and Sue did not do neat writing they would get a little smack.

    Today teachers do not have sticks. Today the teachers can get a smack with a stick. The stick is called OFSTED. It is a very big stick and it hurts a lot.
  4. Lara mfl 05

    Lara mfl 05 Star commenter

    You forgot the 're-caption the picture in fine satirical fashion' @magic surf bus ! ;)
    slingshotsally likes this.
  5. needabreak

    needabreak Star commenter

    Then Dumbledore got a notice to improve. He blamed Harry's glasses.
  6. RedQuilt

    RedQuilt Star commenter

    This is Meryl, a member of the Senior Management Team. She is teaching the latest Learn Direct recruits on their first day at the school. They will be taking responsibility for their own classes tomorrow.

    Meryl has been given this task because she has been teaching for three years. No other teachers at the school have taught for as long as Meryl.
    Rach05, peggylu, Grandsire and 14 others like this.
  7. magic surf bus

    magic surf bus Star commenter

    Spot on @grumpydogwoman - a fine example of what's required, go to the top of the class.

    Likewise @RedQuilt

    I'm already mentally decorating the south-facing villa at Antibes - keep up the good work.
  8. Lara mfl 05

    Lara mfl 05 Star commenter

    Good job I wasn't drinking anything at the time I read this or else my keyboard might have had to dry out @RedQuilt! ;)

    :oops:Ah I get it now. WE have to provide the satirical caption.

    Wanders off to think of one. It will be a while.
  9. slingshotsally

    slingshotsally Star commenter

    Which standard would you like to beat be with today?

    (small rose bushes pruned so they are standard)

    It's not very witty sorry.
  10. Lara mfl 05

    Lara mfl 05 Star commenter

    " Janet and John, can't you see.
    The Lesson Objective is behind me.
    It's 'Today we are looking at bashing your head against the brick wall"
    Success Criteria To be able to put a tick against the lesson objective'."
    peggylu, lindenlea, s10327 and 6 others like this.
  11. RedQuilt

    RedQuilt Star commenter

    This is Vera who is standing in front of Year 5. Basil asks where Mrs Frigidaire, their teacher, is. Vera explains that she left at breaktime. Louisa asks why Mrs Frigidaire left. Vera tells them that Mrs Frigidaire had a chat with Mr Boulez, the headteacher, and then ran into a cupboard, crying.
    Mrs Frigidaire is the fourth teacher that Year 5 have had this year.
    Rach05, blazer, peggylu and 8 others like this.
  12. magic surf bus

    magic surf bus Star commenter

    Mrs Moodswing is 51 and has been Year 3's teacher for many years. Miss Fitt is 21 and teaches Year 4 in the room next door. Sometimes teaching and a special medicine called Merlot make Mrs Moodswing very sleepy and she has bad dreams. In her bad dreams this is how Mrs Moodswing sees Miss Fitt - isn't she funny?
  13. HelenREMfan

    HelenREMfan Star commenter

    Miss Wilshaw instructs keen young teaching assistants on the importance of another brick in the wall.
    needabreak, Lara mfl 05 and RedQuilt like this.
  14. needabreak

    needabreak Star commenter

    Miss Wilshaw the dark arts teacher is frustrated by Jane's non compliance with the uniform policy, green wellies do not conform to the academy remit, "we must stamp out such frivolity and individualism" she hisses... and with a wave of her wand both Peter and Jane are turned into compliant frogs to match the wellies.

  15. monicabilongame

    monicabilongame Star commenter

    This is Sally. Yesterday Sally was a TA. Today she is a teacher. Sally became a teacher by putting on a gown and a hat and standing in front of the class. She did not have to do any exams. You can become a teacher like Sally.
    Rach05, tenpast7, peggylu and 14 others like this.
  16. magic surf bus

    magic surf bus Star commenter

    OK, encouraging start there folks. Any takers for picture number two? Remember the theme is Teaching, and the captions should be written in the style of a Ladybird book page:

  17. TheFamousEccles

    TheFamousEccles Occasional commenter

    At the Headquarters of Evil the nasty Ofsted inspectors track the movements of all your teachers. They then mark the ones in red that they want to inspect. This means that even tho they know very little about actual teaching they can humiliate all of the teachers whenever they want and make their lives more difficult just for fun.

    Children, can you see the ones they have marked?
  18. Lara mfl 05

    Lara mfl 05 Star commenter

    :D :D :D
    monicabilongame likes this.
  19. Lara mfl 05

    Lara mfl 05 Star commenter

    NB Make a note. Very tongue-in-cheek. :p

    OK children. Have you ever wondered what the Head and Deputies do in their offices?
    Well this is it.

    The important man in blue is the Pre-Ofsted 'informal inspection' Officer, come to look at the data checking on pupil progress.

    The other people are the people checking to see how many teachers are failing to provide you with all these 'outstanding lessons' demanded by governors and the government.The red ones are ones who may be put on capability and will need monitoring more regularly.

    The man at the control desk is trying to 'be creative' with the data results shown on the screens to ensure they don't fail their next Ofsted and they lose their jobs.
    Last edited: Jun 17, 2016
  20. monicabilongame

    monicabilongame Star commenter

    Here are the Data Managers of the school. They are trying to analyse a big print-out of data from Year 7. Unfortunately there has been a mix-up and what they are really looking at is Yr 7 Textile's attempt to recreate the Bayeux Tapestry using running stitch. Fortunately, whatever the clever Data Managers come up with, nobody will know the difference.
    bevdex, lindenlea, delnon and 2 others like this.

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