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Can't cope anymore

Discussion in 'Workplace dilemmas' started by xmaspud, Jan 9, 2011.

  1. I really would like to ask if I can be released at half term but we have a new head and i'm too scared to ask. I'm not sure what to do. I cry all the time. I hate my life at the moment:eek:(
  2. Sorry to hear you're feeling so low. Can you give more details? From what you've said though, my thoughts are, "what harm can it do just to ask?".
  3. ballerina

    ballerina New commenter

    I'm sorry that you are feeling so sad at the moment. I would advise you to go to your doctors immediately. If you are feeling so upset that you are crying all the time I think your doctor needs to sign you off work so that you can get yourself well again. After taking some time for yourself then go and speak to your headteacher, I expect that they have noticed how you are feeling and will either release you from your contract or put steps in place to support you futher in school.
    Please look after yourself
    B x
  4. I too have felt like this, more so this year after a fabulous Christmas break where I switched off completely from work and then felt unprepared and unplanned.
    I think you need to break down the problems you have - write a list of your worries - what you are expected to do and what you feel you struggle with.
    Have a word with your HOD/Line manager - and be honest about your concerns. I agree with ballerina that you should seek medical advice and also think about contacting Teacher support network or have a look at this http://www.wanttoleaveteaching.co.uk/ (a site I found last week).
    Good Luck and best wishes - let us know how you get on.

  5. Going to the GP is not something i really want to do. I have not had any days off this year and think that if i do end up seeking a new job in the future, i would be more emplyable without sickness. I'm not unwell or tired. I really just don't want to do this anymore. I want my life back. I want to spend time with my family again. I cry because i have to spend my sunday planning and that i cant ever think past school. I am getting more and more frustrated. I am now feeling resentful to collegues, more grumpy with the chn and i feel this is unfair on them.
    I could speak to my HT or Deputy tomorrow. I just can't imagine them agreeing to release me at half term because im doing well. Everyone likes me, including the kids, parents, collegues and also the chn's results are very good. I just want to do whats best long term for my sanity. I feel like im slowly going crazy.

  6. Gardening Leaves

    Gardening Leaves New commenter

    I really would encourage you to go to the doctor, too. It sounds as if you are really depressed as a consequence of your job and you need help.
    Don't worry about the impact of sickness on potential future employment. Under the new Equality Act employers are no longer allowed to ask about sickness records.
  7. You dont feel unwell or tired now, but you would be surprised how quickly it can creep up on you. I thought I was fine (that crying everyday was normal etc) until one day when I just cracked, more or less out of the blue. The trouble is then it just takes you a hell of a lot longer to get back to normal again. In these circumstances your sickness record could well end up at the months, not weeks level.
    If you see you doctor, (as you are clearly stressed, believe me!) you are likely to get a couple of weeks off initially. This might be enough to get your head together, and feel more positive about whatever decision you choose - it will also make your HT realise how much pressure you are under if you do ask to leave, and that if they refuse you could end up off sick a lot longer.
    Two weeks is not a huge sickness record - a nasty bout of flu could lay you up for that long, and if you are on good terms with your line manager/headteacher and you are doing well they will not want to lose you and they will support you in trying to make your workload more manageable on your return.
    However, you say that you hate giving up your time and never thinking past school - In my experience, that doesnt change over time - its intrinsically part of the job, so perhaps you might need to consider a different career path? This is not in anyway a criticism of your teaching, you are clearly a good teacher but I agree with you that it <u>is</u> horrible to have to give up so much of your own time.
    I have come to the conclusion that I would much rather earn far less and have my life back!
    But please, dont ignore the signs of stress, they dont go away on their own.
  8. I'm reading between your lines and might have this wrong - but if your new head has managed to be so intimidating that you feel you can't approach him/her, then you will need a little extra support, from a union rep. This is exactly the kind of task that they are paid our union subs to do for you.
    I understand that you don't want to take time off sick and I respect you for that stance. However, the symptoms you describe are those of a serious illness - depression - which breaks up relationships and costs lives. And so, as others have already posted, you really do need to talk about how you are feeling with your GP.
    Being depressed and suffering with work-induced stress is not a personality flaw. It does not mean you are lacking in drive, worth or application - and you know from your current results that you can do the job. But the job is being unfair in the demand it's placing on you.
    Lastly, if you don't feel like facing your head personally, simply write a letter and leave it in an envelope marked 'confidential' on their desk : Dear X, I hereby tender notice of my resignation to take effect from Y date, yours sincerely'.
    They can't keep you if you don't want to stay.
    But don't do this until you've talked to your GP and to your union.
  9. Thank you so much for your replies.

    I didn't realise there was a new equal opportunity act. Does this mean that my future employer can't ask my previous employer if 've been off sick?
    I think I will take you advice and go and sey GP.
    Oldgreywolf, when you say the can't keep you i you don't want to stay, I thought we were contracted and leaving earlier would break the contract. My worry is that it may effect my future if i decide to teach full time again. Although I think supply woul be fine for me.
    I have a really lovely Deputy and i'm wondering if it might be worth approaching them tomorrow and explaining everthing. They may be able to support me it asking the head if i can leave at half term. :eek:(
  10. Sorry for all the spelling errors, my keyboard is faulty and I'm having to press each key a few times to get it to work!:)
  11. What is it exactly that you don't like? Am I right in thinking you like the job, your students, your colleagues but you just resent having to give up so much of your own time and your family's time to the job?
  12. I dont like any of it. I used too, but now I resent it all. I don't like my job. I don't want to be a teacher at the moment. At least not permenant or full time. I'm tired, I feel down everytime i think about school. And yes, I really want to see my family and be alittle bit more like i was before I started teaching - happy and optimistic, not negative and teary.
  13. I asked if I could speak with my HT and HOD and brought my letter of resignation with me. HT advised me to take some time to reconsider and I agreed, making it clear that it was no issue to do with the school/ staff/ pupils. I discussed my position with my husband and confirmed my desire to resign the next day, and the school began seeking my replacement immediately.

    My experience was actually really positive, and while there's no telling how your HT will react, you must put yourself first.

    Afterwards I applied for a number of support role jobs (I don't want to be a classroom teacher for the time being) and other jobs outside of education. I also signed up with an agency who found me the one-to-one appointment. At all my interviews I was honest but vague about my reasons for leaving - simply a change in personal circumstances. I wasn't questioned any further and I don't think it was seen as an issue.

    Best wishes x
  14. giraffe

    giraffe New commenter

    Whatever you do, don't resign. You are suffering from stress and must take some time off. Getin touch with a trained union caseworker for support and Teacherline. Then get yourself along to your GP and get signed off for some time to recover.
    It happens to thousands of teachers.
    If you resign with no job lined up, it will be far more suspicious to a future employer than if you have time off, get yourself well, and then apply for jobs after returning to work.
    You will also be in a horrible position financially. You will not be able to sign on nor claim benefits etc.
    Just leaving will set alarm bells ringing for future employers - they might assume you had other, more serious difficulties!
  15. Yes will definitely ignore oldgit, do not like the whole tone of that post!
    I've not had any time off and think it is best for the chn too. Unless im very sick with flu or a bug of course. I'm going to stick it out for a bit longer. Time seems to be going quickly so i masewell:O)


  16. xmaspud, I am sat here sobbing as I read ur post. I feel the same. I can't take anymore. Indirect bullying, nit picking. work from 7.00 to 4.00. Lunch time meetings. Negative, negative everything I do. So many teachers have left/off sick. Don't know what to do. Money isn't my motivation. The kids are, but after being told today that kids weren't the priority, from a member of smt, and that they didn't like the colour of backing paper, I have had it. Ofsted looming. I broke down and can't stop. I need to leave. I can't afford to but I have no confidence in my skills anymore.
  17. casper

    casper New commenter

    This is awful, have you contacted your union. If you do not feel well enough to work please see your GP. Bless you I have been feelig like this and do not trust anyone anymore. We have ofsted looming too,so I feel it will get worse.
    Take care.
  18. lucylollipop

    lucylollipop Occasional commenter

    Please, please acquiese do not feel as if you are alone. Know that so many teachers are in the same position. You <u>do</u> need to see your doctor as you sound exactly as I was two months ago - I was signed off work for four weeks and have now returned. Things are still not brilliant but am coping better until I leave ( going to try to stick it out until Summer, but yet may leave at Easter). From what I've read on forums (fora?) here, some SMT are so negative and live in fear of O...,and worship the mighty data to the detriment of the children and school.They treat staff unprofessionally, as if we are the children, and drive staff to the point of breakdown. They are going to lose a lot of good teachers, in the name of data.
  19. Thank you. I have an appointment with GP tomorrow, but even the thought of ringing in sick sets me off. What do I say? I want no contact with them. I am having what I think are panic attacks, sick, dizzy. I cry all the time, I know I need help because driving home from work I thought 'i could finish all this by just flipping the wheel...' That's when I knew I can't carry on working as a teacher. Don't worry, I am rational enough to know that I need help.and it scared me. I have a good support network of friends and family. I am determined to be well and happy again. I willalso ring my union rep on monday and see what advice they can give me.It's nice to know I'm not alone feeling like this. Makes me feel slightly less mad. x
  20. You simply tell your gp what you have shared with us, including the part about the steering wheel (I thought this exact same thing!) they will sign you off, probably for two weeks initially. You will have to ring the school this first time, it's horrendous but get it out of the way. If you want to send me a private message I can give you details of how I explained it to school and what happens afterwards (with union etc) I don't want to go into details here though!
    You need to get away from the place, that will start tomorrow, as soon as you've seen the gp - just hold on to that thought!
    Please message if you want any info, I went through exactly what you're feeling only a few weeks ago.
    Look after yourself x

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