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Can you teach and have a child??

Discussion in 'Personal' started by Char19, Jan 6, 2019.

  1. Char19

    Char19 New commenter

    Hi, my husband and I would like to start trying for a baby! However, I am VERY worried about having enough time/energy for a child after work. I can’t see how I can possibly be a teacher and a parent without slacking in one of those areas. For me, my child would always be priority but I’d then feel constantly guilty not putting my all into work. I’ve thought about not going back into teaching after maternity but it’s my understanding that you have to for 3 months, which isn’t too long in theory.. but what if the end of the 3 months falls a few weeks after the beginning of a new term (say Spring)? Do I then have to wait until summer holidays to leave??
    I’m very confused.
  2. nizebaby

    nizebaby Star commenter

    Have a baby.
  3. FrankWolley

    FrankWolley Star commenter

    Check maternity leave details with your Union.

    Then do what you want...You life is more, and more important, than teaching!;)
  4. lardylady

    lardylady Star commenter

    We are a one form entry and one of our teachers gave birth a few days ago, and another 2 are pregnant. You may be a teacher, but you are a human being first and foremost so if you would like children, I'd say crack on.
  5. Mangleworzle

    Mangleworzle Star commenter

    You have to return for some time if you want the full maternity pay. You don't have to go back, but you don't get the maternity pay. Balancing maximum pay for minimum presence is something of an art with some. The classic used to be to go back a week or so before a long holiday so the holiday counts as teaching time and you get paid in full for 2 or 6 weeks depending on when the baby is born, but the rules may have changed.
  6. Char19

    Char19 New commenter

    Thanks for all your replies! Do any of you have children and teach? How do you manage it all?
  7. FrankWolley

    FrankWolley Star commenter

    I had two children, and continued my career...

    [But them I'm a chap, and Mrs FW wasn't a teacher, so I guess that's not much help to you!]
  8. lardylady

    lardylady Star commenter

    And I've only ever had cats :D
    Char19 and (deleted member) like this.
  9. dunnocks

    dunnocks Star commenter

    this is where you are going wrong.

    The job should fit into hours that leave time for family life. If it doesn't, then students suffer. Yes. But that is not your fault. You are not the person who carries the guilt.

    Have a baby, if you want to have a baby.

    No, it isn't compatible with teaching, but it is much more important to you than your career
    nizebaby and agathamorse like this.
  10. dunnocks

    dunnocks Star commenter

    Last year my school started with one mother of school aged children on the staff. She left at Christmas. This year we started with one mother of school aged children on the staff. She has just gone down to part time. There are no other teaching staff who are mothers of school aged children. A couple of fathers. Mostly separated, with every other weekend arrangements.
    nizebaby likes this.
  11. Char19

    Char19 New commenter

    Haha cats are great, I have three!
  12. Aquamarina1234

    Aquamarina1234 Star commenter

    When my kids were little, I childminded for women like you. They wanted the mat pay but didn't want to commit to long-term childcare. I used to cover the months they had to go back, or the weeks before the summer holiday when they'd tried to time maternity to end as the holiday began but conceived faster or gave birth sooner. Of course that was back when you could just look after someone's kids without it costing a fortune and faff to register. But ask around.

    I couldn't do both. I'm not a high energy person, my husband has always worked long hours, my family were 200miles away and I don't feel any need to work. I'd rather be broke. Any energy I had i wanted my children to benefit from. I'd have been a terrible employee. My second son slept so badly I was a zombie for 3 years. I did supply as and when because I had a reciprocal arrangement with a teacher mum from playgroup.

    Hats off to anyone who can hack it.
    Lara mfl 05, nizebaby and agathamorse like this.
  13. Char19

    Char19 New commenter

    Yes I see where your coming from. I’ve never been someone that doesn’t do everything properly.. something I may have to learn. I worry also that SLT will notice the difference and they won’t be happy! I guess I care a bit too much about what people think of me
    nizebaby likes this.
  14. magic surf bus

    magic surf bus Star commenter

    You've answered your own question. Do whatever job best suits your family plans. There's more to life than teaching.

    Speaking for our family we have two grown-up children, and Mrs MSB (also a teacher) elected to stay at home looking after them when they were little, so my unpromoted teacher salary was our sole source of income for a few years. From my point of view the kids' early years were a bit of a blur but we coped, and the mortgage interest rates were in double figures at the time. We also relocated northwards so we could afford a reasonable sized home. You do what you have to do - you want to be a mum, not a martyr or a miracle worker.
    nizebaby and agathamorse like this.
  15. Mangleworzle

    Mangleworzle Star commenter

    I could have written exactly what msb said apart from the relocating part.

    You can teach and have children, but it has become harder as time has gone on and smt's in schools tend to be unsympathetic even if they have children themselves. Forget what they think of you, it's the pressure they put on you regardless and disapproval of time off for child illness.

    Others will disagree but I think it especially important in the early years for children to be with a parent or other family member such as grandparent, uncle, aunt where possible. Whether it's general or not I've seen many correlations between children sent to childminders as a baby and difficulties later on.
    nizebaby likes this.
  16. JosieWhitehead

    JosieWhitehead Star commenter

    Yes, I remember when the mortgage interest rates were 16% at one time. I could only work part-time so that I could be there for my family (including my father who came to live with us when ill) - the sadly this means that I get no teacher's pension. So part-time teaching is worth considering.
    nizebaby and Aquamarina1234 like this.
  17. InkyP

    InkyP Star commenter

    My daughter is a teacher with four children, her husband works abroad for several weeks at a time. When her children were small she worked part time and also had a career break and did something less demanding for a couple of years. Now her children are between 14 and 8 and are extremely well trained getting themselves ready in the morning, doing their own packed lunches and also do household jobs. It works very well but she relies on me a lot for school runs etc when her husband is away.

    When she was small, I have to say, the situation was very different for a teacher with a child. Life was much easier.
  18. emerald52

    emerald52 Star commenter

    I went back part time 0.6 when daughter was 6 months old ( you can take a year but not all paid). It was Summer half term so I had summer holidays coming up. Then went full time when daughter was 6 years old after Mr. E made redundant. I always paid pension. Once full time I opted to pay back missing years of pension so now I have a full pension. It was hard at times but I had the holidays with my child and was there after school time. I did school work when she was asleep and was very efficient with my time in school. My results were outstanding and I glad I did it. Daughter has done well socially and academically so didn’t impact on her.
    yodaami2 and Mangleworzle like this.
  19. Doitforfree

    Doitforfree Star commenter

    I didn't work for years, because our children are very spread out. We did without lots of things that young families seem to expect but we had a lovely relaxed lifestyle that made up for not having the other things, which to be honest I wasn't bothered about. There were lots of hand me downs going to and fro in our family, and amongst other friends' families. Our house was quite scruffy but children don't care about that. We always had nice holidays, because nice doesn't have to mean expensive. It's much nicer for your children if you possibly be at home for them, though I appreciate that that's not always possible these days.
  20. Shedman

    Shedman Star commenter

    Are you then saying that you'd feel guilty about making your child your priority? I'm sure you're not but why must it be one or the other? You do not live to work, there must be time in your life for your family. It will require skill and resolve but you will need to walk the fine line between doing your job to an acceptable standard and spending time with your loved ones.

    You cannot be the perfect teacher no matter how much of your life you devote to it. There comes a point where you are doing increasingly more and more work for ever smaller, marginal gains. You have to say to yourself, 'This is how much time I need to spend to do the job', and stop when you've reached that point - the pursuit of excellence in your work can lead to a neglect of family life.

    When you've left your current school, perhaps within a couple of years you may well have been forgotten but your children will love and remember you until you die and then some. Don't let that love and those precious memories be tainted by them thinking that when you could have had more time and joy together, you were always too busy working.

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