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Can someone help to explain this?

Discussion in 'Personal' started by curlywurly55, Aug 14, 2011.

  1. I dated a guy many years ago. I was completely in love with him. He was my soul mate. However he finished with me after 3 years and I was devastated. The last time he saw me I was crying begging him to give it another go. He never did and it took me years to get over it.
    I haven't heard from him for 6 years. I am on a dating website and last year he contacted me wanting to meet. I still have feelings for him and agreed. However he kept saying he was busy and eventually stopped contacting me. I found that strange.
    Nine months later he texts me out of the blue wanting to meet. After a few days later I replied. Again I agreed and gave possible dates. He never texted back. Again I found that strange.
    Two months later he contacts me again wanting to meet. Again I agreed and we eventually met. I asked why he didn't respond to my last text and he said that because I wrote 'We can meet up if you like' - it didn't sound really keen so he left it.
    We met at 9pm and we were out till four in the morning chatting. I thought the date had gone really well. He said he had always thought about me, that he had let someone good go, that I was one of the big loves of his life, that I looked really good. He asked very early in the night if we could meet again for dinner and I readily agreed. At the end of the night he did start talking about some girl he had been seeing who had a child and who returned to her ex partner. He had been suspicious for a long time that she was too friendly with her ex. Not sure why he was telling me that.
    I was surprised to see him on the dating website again after our date for hours on end. We exchanged a few texts and the last one said he was thinking of me. I e-mailed how my week had gone. He never responded to it and I was really surprised.
    2 months on and I still haven't heard from him so I decided to e-mail him to ask him how he is. He read the e-mail the day I sent it but never replied.
    Why would my ex do this? He knows how upset I was when he finished it all those years ago so why has he played with my feelings again? It has upset me all over again.
    Can anyone try to explain his behaviour? Would be very grateful.
  2. Thank you to all who has replied to this. It has really helped me.
    When I dated him, he had nothing and went through some very difficult times. I was the person he turned to when things kept going wrong. When he eventually got his job in the city, he seemed to change personality and became cocky telling me how well he was doing. When we went out that evening he seemed to be bragging again how much money he had made through property and that one day he hoped to be a millionaire. It's funny but I preferred him when he was humble and had nothing.
    It has dawned on me that he may have been in a long term relationship with this woman and that when things go pear shaped, he is contacting me. This is the only thing that can explain his random behaviour with me. It still baffles me why he felt the need to tell me about her at the end of the evening.
    I feel tempted to e-mail him again and tell him what I suspect and to ask why he said all those sentimental things to me that weren't meant. Or should I just leave it in case it inflates his ego that I still love him?
  3. lillipad

    lillipad New commenter

    Blimey he sounds like a right plonker! Sorry!!

    Reminds me of a very similar experience, I was seeing a marine (!) over a year ago and I fell for him BIG time. He used to text constantly and phone me 3 or 4 times a day and gave every impression that he wanted me too. He went away on an exercise for 2 weeks and came back and was pretty distant and cold, I saw him a few times after that and it seemed to go really well. Then there was this 2 month pause where he didn't really reply to my messages the way he had been. Then he went away to Afghanistan and gave me his address and asked me to write to him, which I did. He never once replied, yet messaged me on facebook saying he was sorry and he was busy, so i took his word for it. I waited for months to hear from him and thought about him every single day. Anyway, he came back on his leave and we text a bit on the Friday night and I raised that he hadn't bothered to reply and stuff and he started saying he wanted to meet up and see me. Then 2 nights later, he phoned me and told me everything i'd waited 8 months to hear, how he had all these feelings for me and I was 'hoofing' for waiting for him, etc etc. Anyway, I went on holiday, while on holiday checked my facebook and first thing that pops up was "so and so **** face is listed as in a relationship with *insert random girls name here* at which point, I burst in to tears, deleted him from my facebook friends, text him saying "I can't believe you did that" and then deleted his phone number and never spoke to him or heard from him again.

    And if he EVER gets in contact with me, I shall be saying "go away" except not using quite such polite words! Men like that are just NOT worth the time. Find someone who truly loves and values you.
  4. OP
    Sadly, some men are not actually men, they are still boys who were never told no by their mummies. They want to have what they want to have and they don't care about anyone else's feelings - IMHO men are far better at being selfish than women. Properly selfish, I mean, like not even being able to see how their behaviour affects someone else. Acording to Piaget (I think) children are totally egocentric until about the age of 7 and then they should be able to start to see and care about how their actions affect others - some men are 6 and a half.
    I have one of these - the father of my daughter. He does it far less these days as his current relationship is quite stable but I have had many 'I should never have let you go' type texts. I soon learnt to ignore them and you need to strike this man from your life if you ask me. It's hard - who doesn't want to be pursued, especially by someone who they thought they would spend the rest of their life with?
    Let him do this to someone else - you deserve better. And there are men out there who are over the age of 7.
  5. Cervinia

    Cervinia Occasional commenter

    He sees you as a back up. Likes to keep you dangling on a string for when things aren't going well with his other relationship(s). Move on now.
  6. jewelgirl

    jewelgirl New commenter

    I think that would continue to inflate his ego...if you really have to email, then send a nasty one so at least you get the feeling that YOU have had the last word, as perhaps that's what you are wanting to feel in some way? And then leave it. Think that's what I would do anyway, or hope that I would do...it's so much easier to give out advice, than to follow the same advice yourself!

    Good luck with whatever you choose!

    J x
  7. I wouldn't email at all.
    A nasty email could inflate his ego even more as he will know he has had an effect on you and your emotions. Or it could result in a nasty or nice reply which could lead to more response from you.
  8. kibosh

    kibosh Star commenter

    It does. There's been a few recently;OP's describing quite similar behaviour from a man. It would be very strange if it was infact the same man involved in all those OP's.
  9. Of course it is the same man. It is the same poster each time.
  10. lunarita

    lunarita Established commenter

    I'd like to think so. They all sound like such spineless cowardly wastes of space. I'd prefer to believe that there aren't really that many pathetic excuses for men out there.
  11. kibosh

    kibosh Star commenter

    [​IMG] Are you certain?
  12. Yes.
  13. kibosh

    kibosh Star commenter

    Was our response not good enough the first time they posted? Meh!

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